Cranky Fibro Girl

Harnessing the healing power of snark

Archives for November 2006

Oh The Nerdiness-It’s Just Not Getting Any Better

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Yesterday my Lightly Nerdy side and my Grammar Snob met and collided in the reference aisle of Borders, and then, much like the Wonder Twins, combined and activated their powers to make me into even more of a dork than I already was.

I was looking for some new Spanish reference books (nerd alert #1, because it was just for fun), and I found a new book written by the Real Academia Española, “the institution responsible for regulating the Spanish language” (nerd alert #2-a whole institution dedicated to grammar-HOW COOL!) all about the correct use of spelling and punctuation in the Spanish language (nerd alert #3-HOW COOL! Can I please buy this RIGHT NOW?!)

Sometimes I am just stunned that other people agree to associate with me at all.

Thursday Thirteen #14: 13 Funny Newspaper Headlines

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Thirteen Funny Newspaper Headlines1. Police Suspicious After Body Found In Graveyard.2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Experts Say.

3. Miners Refuse To Work After Death.

4. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.

5. Male Infertility Can Be Passed Onto Children.

6. Statistics Show That Mortality Increases Perceptibly In The Military During Wartime.

7. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers.

8. Drunks Get Nine Months In Violin Case.

9. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands.

10. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant.

11. War Dims Hope For Peace.

12. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.

13. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Space.

From 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said, ed. by Steven D. Price


Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

leave your link in comments, I'll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

How To Really Mess With The Cat Sitter

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Take (1) one cat who has figured out how to open the laundry room’s bi-fold doors.

Add (1) feather duster lying unguarded in the laundry room, and

Three (3) super destructive felines, angry about being left alone for the week,

and you will receive the following hysterical phone call while on vacation for the holidays:

“Oh my God! I just got to your house, and the floor is covered in feathers. I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure your cats have killed your bird!”

Love, Honor, Behave

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A couple of years ago my in-laws bought a home up in the mountains of North Carolina. They have slowly been re-doing it, but haven’t yet gotten to the upstairs bathroom, where the previous owners made the unfortunate choice to paper the walls entirely in sheet music from old show tunes.

bath

I guess it does give you something to look at while you’re in there, but mostly it’s just kinda weird.

This week when we were up there for Thanksgiving, my husband drew my attention to a particular title to which he wanted me to pay special attention:

behave

To which I replied, “Not once in our wedding ceremony did I ever utter the word ‘obey’ dude! And I have the video graphic evidence to prove it.”

One-upmanship

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Earlier in the week some friends and I were talking, and we were sharing all of the different things about ourselves that made us feel like the “black sheep” in our families. We each offered various examples of our “black sheep-ness” until one friend piped up with her contribution.

“Unless you’ve been arrested,” she told us, “unless you’ve seen prison, I win.”

Recent Events That Have Made Me Feel Like A Big Giant Goober

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1. The fact that my husband had to FORBID ME TO CLEAN while recovering from pneumonia. (What? I thought housework was part of the treatment for lung disorders.)

2. The fact that when I told this to one of my friends she replied, “You are a wanker and you need to be beaten!” (Because there’s nothing like the loving support of your friends.)

3. The fact that I don’t actually know what a “wanker” is. (I had a very sheltered childhood and adolescence. Just ask my husband.)

4. The fact that I recently found myself in the grocery store having hot, sweaty, lustful thoughts about all of the Swiffer products that it’s now possible to buy. (I really have no explanation for this at all. Although now #1 might not seem quite so weird.)

5. The fact that it’s taken me an entire year to understand what my friend means when she uses the phrase “it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway” when describing intimate physical relationships and the size of a man’s, uh, “cash and prizes”. (I told you I was sheltered.)

Thursday Thirteen #13: Thirteen Sites I Really Like

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Thirteen Sites I Really Like

1. Cafe Entrepreneur

2. Mighty Maggie

3. 28 Years Later

4. Square Peg People

5. Musings From The Edge

6. Bone Sigh Arts

7. Julie Unplugged

8. Artella

9. Denise Mihalik(who took the picture of me that is on my blog header)

10. Christina’s Shoebox

11. Baggage That Goes With Mine

12. A Flyover Blog

Editor’s Note: OK, I knew I was bad at math, but I had no idea that I’d lost my ability to count! Here’s #13:

13. Miss Britt


Editors Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

(leave your link in comments, I'll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Surrender

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Yesterday, in our continuing efforts to break up with our bank, I went to clean out our safety deposit box and turn in our keys. I also had to sign our original contract and state that I had, in fact, done these things. Interestingly enough this act was not referred to as anything like “Termination of Contract” or “End of Rental Agreement.” It was termed “Surrender“, which I thought was ironically appropriate, given the fact that we’ve been locked in unending mortal combat with this institution for the past year.

So yes, we may have surrendered this particular battle. But seeing as how we have already opened up new accounts with a bank that does not cause its customers to feel as if they are being repeatedly and inappropriately violated in their most tender parts with sharp, pointy objects, we are most definitely winning the war.