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Failure To Communicate

December 25, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 3 Comments

My husband and I are both very much word people. We love to read, and we often make up our own words and phrases when we talk to each other. And now that he is having to learn Spanish for his job, we often throw in some foreign words to give our conversation a little international flair.

But sometimes I forget this fact, like today when we were opening Christmas gifts with his family.

It is their tradition that we all sit in a circle and open gifts one person at a time, so everyone can admire what everyone else receives. This means that before each round of gift opening, one person is assigned to retrieve gifts from under the tree, making sure that everyone has something to open.

This time it was my mother-in-law’s turn to play Santa, and she was having trouble finding a present for me.

“Oh wait,” she said finally, “this one might be for you, Jenny.”

She held the gift out at arm’s length, squinted at the tag, and then asked, “Are you…’queasy’?”

“Um, no,” I replied, thinking that she was asking about my illness. Then I had an idea.

“Do you mean ‘queso’?” I asked.

“Oh yes, ‘queso’,” agreed my mother-in-law.

“Yep,” I said, holding out my hand. “That one is definitely for me.”

Filed Under: CFG And Family Affairs Tagged With: christmas, funny stories

One Of The Lesser Known Benefits Of Marriage

November 16, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

That, when the need arises, there is always someone you can turn to and say, “I need you to check out my nipples. Is this how they always look?”

Filed Under: Partners In Fun, The Perfect Blend Tagged With: funny stories, marriage

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

November 6, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 5 Comments

The other day I had a session with one of my new students. I was testing him on his vocabulary in preparation for a test, and we got to the word “edad”, which means “age”.

He couldn’t remember the English definition, so I tried to give him a hint.

I said, “If I tell you, ‘yo tengo treinta y cinco años’ (Literally, “I have 35 years”), then ‘treinta y cinco años’ is my ‘edad’.”

He thought about it for a while, and suddenly the light of comprehension dawned on his face.

So proud with himself for finally arriving at the right answer he yelled out, “I’ve got it-it’s OLD!”

Filed Under: CFG And Her Students, Teaching: It's Not For Wimps, These Are The Days Of My Life Tagged With: funny stories, working with teenagers

A Little Learnin’ Is A Dangerous Thing

October 10, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 3 Comments

Today I was talking with a woman who works in an elementary school about the effect of sex ed on one of her 5th graders.

Apparently he was causing problems in his classroom, so she pulled him into the hallway to ask him what was going on.

“I just can’t do my work today,” he declared dramatically.

“Well, why not?” she asked.

Confident in the unassailable excuse provided him by his newfound knowledge he replied, “Because of MY PUBERTY!”

Filed Under: People Say The Funniest Things, Teaching: It's Not For Wimps Tagged With: funny stories, teaching

The Unbearable Restlessness Of Being

October 8, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 7 Comments

Today is my birthday (YAY!), and to celebrate I went to North Carolina last weekend to see my family.

My brother and his wife were there, and as a couple who have been married a little over a year they were discussing all the various adjustments they have been going through as newlyweds. Apparently sleep has been kind of an issue for them, as one of them goes to sleep and stays in the same position all night, and one of them moves around in their sleep. A Lot.

My brother described it in the following way:

“Are you familiar with Restless Leg Syndrome?” he asked us.

We were.

“Well, we’ve decided that [my sister-in-law] has Restless Existence Syndrome.”

Filed Under: Playing Well With Others Tagged With: funny stories, marriage

Why I Love To Work With Teenagers

September 18, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 4 Comments

Where else would I learn such colorful additions to my vocabulary as the way one of my students recently described a former friend:

“Well, I used to like him. But then he got his man period. And he hasn’t gotten over it yet.”

That really just says it all, doesn’t it?

Filed Under: CFG And Her Students, CFG Loves Things Wordy Tagged With: funny stories, tutoring, working with teenagers

Well That’s Not Something You Hear Every Day

September 3, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 4 Comments

Last weekend my husband and I went to visit my brother and sister-in-law as part of the official start of our summer vacation. They both have their own laptops, but apparently my brother insists on keeping his in its virginal, pristine condition by refusing to allow anyone to download anything onto it from the Internet. So anytime this need appears, my sister-in-law’s computer is pressed into service.

It’s a good thing they’d told me about this on an earlier visit. Because otherwise, the conversation I overheard between them would’ve been even more disconcerting than it already was:

My sister-in-law: “So, where’s ‘The Whore’?”

My brother (looking around, completely unconcerned): “Um, I think she’s in the bedroom.”

Filed Under: CFG And Family Affairs Tagged With: funny stories, marriage

My Back Is Still A Little Sore, But The Nerdiness? Is Alive And Well

April 30, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 6 Comments

As I believe I’ve mentioned before, I frequently find myself having hot, sweaty, lustful thoughts about cleaning products. The most recent object of my obsession has been this, the Sonic Scrubber.

sonicscrubber

Words truly cannot describe the joy I felt in my heart when I found this at my local Kroger and was able to purchase one of my very own. And then, for MANY days afterwards, the second my husband got home from work he would be accosted with up-to-the-minute reports of my progress in The Battle Against Soap Scum.

Meanwhile the rest of the world has been getting all caught up in that new book and movie called “The Secret”, which is all about learning how to understand and apply the Law Of Attraction to the various circumstances of your life. I was actually introduced to this about 5 years ago, but the recent press on this subject has made me think about what kind of changes or additions I’d like to make to my life.

So I took a little inventory of how things have been going, and then I had myself a little talk with the Universe.

Did I address such issues as money? Career? Relationships?

Nope.

“Universe,” I said, “I could sure use a bigger brush head for my Sonic Scrubber so that I could clean more of my shower in less time.”

And then, the next time I went to Kroger, what to my wondering eyes did appear?

attachments

Seriously? There might have been some drool.

But wait-the Universe wasn’t finished yet. Because a few days after that I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and I found THIS:

ultimatescrubber

I couldn’t wait to get home and show this to my husband.

His response: “So, are you gonna take the other one back now?”

…

WHAT?! W-hh-yy would I ever do that?

“No,” I said, trying patiently to explain. “Because now? I have 8! Interchangeable! Heads!”

And people? The fact that all he did was sigh slightly and walk quietly away, leaving me to my passionate love affair with cleaning? That. Is love.

Filed Under: All About Me, The Perfect Blend, These Are The Days Of My Life Tagged With: funny stories, marriage, sonic scrubber

Mr. Fix-It

April 2, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 6 Comments

My husband is really, really good at fixing things. It is rare that we have to call in the help of a professional, but every so often we do. Like in the following situation.

Me: I can’t wait to get this mole removed.

My husband: I can take care of that for you.

Me: Thanks, but I think I’m gonna leave this to a trained professional (aka, “my dermatologist”).

My husband: Oh, what, like you think she took a class in “Removing Funny Things From People’s Bodies”?

Me: Yeah, actually I do. LOTS, as a matter of fact.

Filed Under: Partners In Fun, The Perfect Blend Tagged With: funny stories, marriage

Using My Powers For Good-Or Maybe Not So Much

March 12, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 8 Comments

Yesterday I saw a young teenage friend of mine, and at the end of our visit she asked if she could write on my hand. I’ve seen a lot of my tutoring students do this, and I was so excited that apparently I was considered “cool enough” by a 15-year-old to become a part of the Ink-“Tattoos”-On-Your-Hand Club.

“OK, you can be The Pimp,” she said.

“Well, what are the other choices?”

“It’s either ‘Pimp’ or ‘Ho’.”

“Uh, yeah, OK, I’ll take ‘Pimp’.”

So here I am, exercising my positive influence over the younger generation, and once again using my powers for good.

tattoo

Filed Under: Playing Well With Others, Using My Powers Tagged With: funny stories, teenagers

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