I am, of my own free will, reading a book about HTML coding,
AND
My eyes have neither spontaneously burst into flames, nor have they begun to bleed down the front of my face.
Listen. Are those hoof beats I hear?
Keyword Roundup
I am just loving my new blog tool, Hit Tail. It’s providing me with tons of data about my blog, which of course I am just passing right along to my engineer husband (AKA, “Someone who actually knows what to do with scientifically gathered data”.) And then that leaves all the fun stuff for me, like today’s Top Ten List:
The Top Ten Funniest Keywords Or Phrases People Are Using To Find My Blog On The Internet
10. using your witch powers
9. ostrich vomit
8. cat poo in tub
7. dirty jobs hippo
6. mike rowe tooth
5. benign wart on head
4. rats in our house
3. neon orange bug
2. naked vacation
1. ryan is a poo
Okay, Internet, I Need Your Help!
I am trying to get The Truth Laid Bare blog ranking system set up on my blog, and I am having A Lot Of Problems.
I have set up an account at truthlaidbare.com.
I have added my blog and validated and confirmed it on the “My Blogs” page.
I put up the Javascript code for my ranking in the ecosystem on my site. (It was up for over a week and I never got any ranking at all.)
But for some odd reason, I cannot “Claim My Blog”. I added my blog over two weeks ago, but when I search for it in the system I get NOTHING.
I even tried all of this in Internet Explorer just in case the problem was Mozilla Firefox, but I still got the same NOTHING results.
I wrote to The Truth Laid Bare asking for help, but I never heard anything back.
So now I am asking you, my Internet friends, what did you do to get this to work on your sites? What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?
Any help would be MOST appreciated, by both me AND my husband as then I would not need to send him a text message later in the day to express my frustration by saying, “I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!”
Thanks.
Why, While Making An Excellent Rebel, I Will Also Never Be A Technology Master
Me, on the phone with my husband.
Me: “Say, hypothetically speaking, you went to the store and bought a “26” printer cartridge because you thought that was the right one, but then you got home and you discovered that you actually need a “56” printer cartridge. Could you just go ahead and use the “26” anyway?”
My husband: “Uh, n-o-o-o. They put those numbers there for a reason!”
Sometimes We Are Just Stunned By Our Own Staggering Brilliance
And lo, the heavens did open, and the angels did descend and pour forth their heavenly songs, because today, I created a Podcast. ALL. BY. MY. SELF!
To give you some idea of the magnitude of this achievement, just imagine if a rock, which moments before had been totally inert, suddenly came to life and began to expound on the principles of Quantum Physics in four languages simultaneously. That’s a pretty good metaphor for what happened here today.
A few weeks ago I gave a speech entitled, “Black Sheep Girl In A White Sheep World” at my local Toastmasters club meeting. Me being who I am it was of course a humorous speech, so I knew it would be a perfect complement to the writing I do here on my blog.
And so I am very pleased to present to you here my very first podcast ever, “Black Sheep Girl In A White Sheep World”.
Dude, Where’s My Stuff?
We have a friend who works as a technician repairing laptop computers. We love to talk to her, because we are always stunned by her stories of the un-be-lie-va-bly inappropriate things she finds in people’s computers. She’s seen everything from infestations of roaches, to nails, to controlled substances, to every imaginable bodily fluid (both human and animal), to condiments, to WD-40 (because “the fan was too loud”), to holes drilled completely through the motherboard (because “it was too hot on my lap”) (and that was going to help how?), to more porn than you could possibly imagine exists in The. Entire. Known. Universe.
Also funny are her reports of the customers’ reaction to finding out what is wrong with their machine: “Whaddda ya mean ‘it’s full of soda’? That’s impossible! I don’t have access to any soda! I don’t even have running water!”
Or the technicians having to explain the situation to the customer: “I’m sorry sir, but your service plan doesn’t cover damage due to sitting on the computer and causing the lid to cave in.”
She’s also friends with technicians in other areas, such as the Department Of Finding People’s Wedding Rings Stuck In DVD Players, and the Department Of Discovering That Your Printer Isn’t Working Because You Apparently Jammed It Full Of Painkillers And All Your Spare Cash. (Apparently if these people are ever robbed, they want the thieves to get all of their valuables, not just their electronics.)
So one day she was talking to a technician from China who had been working on some speakers.
He said, “Yeah, when I open them up, I find joint.”
“You mean, like a finger joint?”
“No, JOINT.”
“Oh, you mean you found weed?”
“Yeah. Also live ammunition.”
My response: “WHAT?!”
Her response: “Well, damn! The next time I play Resident Evil 4 and I need some ammo, I’ll know exactly where to look!”
Possession Is 9/10 Of The Law
When it comes to me and my relationship to technology, I would say that I am somewhere in the middle of the pack. I’m definitely not on the level of my husband and his engineering, techie friends, who routinely sit around and discuss how easy it would be for them to wire together every single electronic apparatus in the Universe, which they could then control merely by blinking their eyes and activating the computer chip embedded deep within their brain. Or something like that. I tend to tune out whenever the conversation starts to sound like this:
“…486SQLSAPRAMGB1.oGIG64XP…”
(Or whenever they decide that they simply cannot continue living unless they fire up Google Earth right now.) [Read more…] about Possession Is 9/10 Of The Law
Not Quite As Clever As I Thought
Yesterday I had to sign into one of my many online accounts so that I could order a refill for one of my prescriptions. Unfortunately I had forgotten my password, but luckily there was a link I could click on that would give me a password “hint”.
I expected it to be a question that I had to answer like, “What year did you graduate from college?”, or “What was the name of your first pet?”
But clearly I had forgotten who I am. Because when I clicked on that link, I saw this:
“The hint for your password is…’ham’.”
HAM.
What?!
Clearly “cleverness”+me=not a good idea At All
Ha, Ha, Ha, My Powers Really Are Growing
The other day, in a moment that clearly rivaled the splitting open of the atom and the discovery of electricity, I discovered how to add photos to my blog using a flickr account. So now I can share humor through images as well as through the written word.
Watch out world! Soon my self-expression will know no bounds!
I Knew I’d Hit A Wall Today…
