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The Best Things I Heard This Weekend

October 29, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 4 Comments

This weekend we spent time with a friend we hadn’t seen in a while. Her job recently came to an end, and knowing that she would soon no longer be seeing these people every day she spent her remaining time with them collecting the funny things they said. Here, for your reading enjoyment, are a few of those gems.

Two Guys Discussing A “Man Law”:

Guy One: “Dammit, [Guy Two], you never listen to Luther Vandross when other guys are around!”

Two Women Discussing The Projected Path Of A Potential Relationship:

Woman One (to Woman Two): “It starts off where you’re dressing up as Little Bo Peep, and the next thing you know he’s wearing your skin.”

English As A Second Language:

Guy One (who is from America): “Hey, [Guy Two], your desk looks like crap.”

Guy Two (who is from China): “What?”

Guy One: “Your desk. It looks like crap.”

Guy Two: “No. My desk look more like lobster.”

Guy One: “No. CRAP!”

Guy Two: “I know crap! Crap have eight legs and live in ocean!”

Filed Under: People Say The Funniest Things, Playing Well With Others Tagged With: ESL, funny work stories

Dude, Where’s My Stuff?

July 24, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

We have a friend who works as a technician repairing laptop computers. We love to talk to her, because we are always stunned by her stories of the un-be-lie-va-bly inappropriate things she finds in people’s computers. She’s seen everything from infestations of roaches, to nails, to controlled substances, to every imaginable bodily fluid (both human and animal), to condiments, to WD-40 (because “the fan was too loud”), to holes drilled completely through the motherboard (because “it was too hot on my lap”) (and that was going to help how?), to more porn than you could possibly imagine exists in The. Entire. Known. Universe.

Also funny are her reports of the customers’ reaction to finding out what is wrong with their machine: “Whaddda ya mean ‘it’s full of soda’? That’s impossible! I don’t have access to any soda! I don’t even have running water!”

Or the technicians having to explain the situation to the customer: “I’m sorry sir, but your service plan doesn’t cover damage due to sitting on the computer and causing the lid to cave in.”

She’s also friends with technicians in other areas, such as the Department Of Finding People’s Wedding Rings Stuck In DVD Players, and the Department Of Discovering That Your Printer Isn’t Working Because You Apparently Jammed It Full Of Painkillers And All Your Spare Cash. (Apparently if these people are ever robbed, they want the thieves to get all of their valuables, not just their electronics.)

So one day she was talking to a technician from China who had been working on some speakers.

He said, “Yeah, when I open them up, I find joint.”

“You mean, like a finger joint?”

“No, JOINT.”

“Oh, you mean you found weed?”

“Yeah. Also live ammunition.”

My response: “WHAT?!”

Her response: “Well, damn! The next time I play Resident Evil 4 and I need some ammo, I’ll know exactly where to look!”

Filed Under: CFG Grapples With Technology, CFG Says, What?!, Labor Pains Tagged With: funny work stories

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