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My Brother’s Wedding

June 5, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

So after sleeping for 16 hours, and then laying on the couch for the rest of the day after I got up and staring at the ceiling, I think I have finally recovered from the wedding. I know that as Americans we like to think we are on the leading edge of everything. But speaking as someone whose brother just married into a Polish family, when it comes to wedding receptions, we Americans have NOTHING on the rest of the world!

That was absolutely The Most Fun I have ever had at a wedding reception, and I only wish I had known just how much physical endurance it was going to require of me, so that I could have been preparing for it with a very strict training regimen over the past year.

By Hour Four of the reception the Americans had started to drop like flies. (This was also the time that the bride’s family announced that they were bringing in more food, and now I know why-they were only just getting started on their celebrating!) By Hour Five you could find us draped over various comfortable pieces of furniture in the lobby, or “The Recovery Room”, as we were then calling it.

me whooped

By Hour Seven And A Half (which, incidentally, is longer than I stayed at my own wedding reception) almost the only representatives left on the groom’s side were me, my husband, my mom, and my dad. At this point the bride came out to The Recovery Room to find us, because her new groom was out there recovering with us. As we watched in near-catatonic awe as the DJ cranked up the music and all the remaining guests began some seriously high-energy dancing, she began telling us about her cousin’s wedding reception, which apparently lasted for 12 hours and included breakfast at 4 am.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” said my brother, massaging his temples. (He was already having to ice his knee, an injury sustained when he and my dad leaped into action to put out The Centerpiece Fire.)  Apparently there is a special name for the second day of a Polish wedding reception, and while no one could give us an exact translation, the general gist of it is something like, “Even better!”

The reception itself went well past Hour Eight (and that was after a 1 hour Blessing of the Couple ceremony, 1 hour of pictures at the church, and 1 hour of the actual wedding itself), but by that time my husband and I had reached The End Of Our Celebrating Abilities and were asleep. I’m not entirely sure just exactly how long the festivities lasted, but I do know that they had concluded by the time we all met for breakfast the next day at 8:30 am.

So we all went and had our own “Even Better” celebration at the Cracker Barrel. And while we were probably unsettling the balance of the Universe by having so many of our own manically-energized family members together in one physical location, that’s a story for another blog post.

Filed Under: CFG And Family Affairs, Holi-daze Tagged With: family, weddings

Things That Make You Say, “What?!”: The Day After

June 4, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

So we’re back from the wedding, which was wonderful, and OF COURSE I have things to blog about!

All of the relatives who stayed in Raleigh last night met for breakfast this morning in the lobby of our hotel. Of course there was much rehashing of the previous day’s events and comparing of notes since we had all left the reception at different times.

There were lots of questions like, “Were you here for the circle dance?”, or, “Were you here when they brought in the second meal?”, but by far the best question of all was, “Were you here for the fire?” (No, dammit! We totally missed it.)

Then it was time to leave for the restaurant, but before we did we wanted to make sure that we had made a reservation for the correct number of people. My mom couldn’t figure out why the actual number of people there did not match the number of people on her list, so my husband went over to help her. He discovered that the discrepancy was due to 2 people having been left off the list: namely, he and I.

“Oh. Then I’m sorry I showed that to you then,” my mom said, because she didn’t want our feelings to be hurt. (They weren’t).

Then my aunt (her sister) piped up. “Notice that she didn’t say she was sorry she left you off the list, only sorry that she showed you the list!”

Filed Under: CFG And Family Affairs, CFG Says, What?!

It’s So Not A Party Until I Get There

June 3, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Today my husband and I drove from Atlanta up to Raleigh because my brother is getting married tomorrow (YAY!) We both have parts to play in the wedding, so we had to make sure we arrived in time to attend the rehearsal.

We had not been at the church for more than 10 or 15 minutes when I horrified my mother with the following exchange:

My grandfather: “So, how long did it take you to drive here?”
Me: ” A little under 6 hours.”
My grandfather: “And how many miles is that?”
Me: (not realizing that I hadn’t taken the time to switch over into Pretending I Know How To Act Like A Grownup Mode)  “An ass-load!”

Filed Under: CFG And Family Affairs, Oops...Do Over, The Naked Truth Tagged With: family, weddings

Not The Kind Of Cookout They Were Expecting

June 1, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

As I mentioned in my previous post my husband and I had a cookout this weekend in honor of the holiday weekend. But it almost didn’t happen, because I did something really stupid.

Thirteen years ago I was diagnosed with depression. It is normally managed just fine thanks to my wonderful support people and medications.

About a month ago things were going really well. I was happy, enjoying my life, enjoying my work, and enjoying people. So naturally I decided that the best possible thing to do at that moment would be to stop taking one of my medications. Just ‘cuz.

And what is even worse is that I did the same exact thing 2 years ago, and eventually I got to the point where all I could do was lay on the couch, breathe, and cry. So I knew EXACTLY what could happen, and I chose to do it anyway.

Fortunately I realized pretty quickly that I was on a very fast downward spiral, got back on my medication, and called one of my wonderful support people. And this was her advice to me:

“DON’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. Gag yourself with duct tape if you have to, and don’t talk to anyone. Because if you do, you could irrevocably mess up every single relationship in your life.”

So true. Especially when she asked me how I felt about people coming over for the cookout and my honest response in that moment was, “Well, I’d really like to chop off all of their heads with an ax.”

She replied, “Yeah, and do you see how that could put a tiny bit of a damper on things for them? That’s probably not the kind of cookout they are expecting.”

Fortunately by the day of the party the medicine had started to kick in, and I was once again able to sleep, and so I had a much brighter outlook on life. I was even able to enjoy myself with our friends, and I am happy to report that everyone left our house with all of their limbs completely intact.

I am also happy to report that The Power Greater Than Me Who Runs The Universe apparently knew that I was in need of a serious pick-me-up last weekend, and so sent me this very cool surprise which you can see if you click here.

Filed Under: My Mind Is One Scary Place, Oops...Do Over, Playing Well With Others Tagged With: cookouts, living with depression

A Little Too Much Information

May 30, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

This weekend we had some friends over for a cook out, and we all decided to play some board games.

There is a good side and a bad side to playing board games with people who know you really well. The advantages come in when you are playing a game that requires tremendous mental rapport with your teammates, such as “Pictionary”, so that what to others might appear to be a drawing of some kind of mutant monster spawned from a tragic chemical spill, to you is clearly the visual representation of the verb phrase, “to harvest crops”.

The disadvantage is that occasionally your friends’ intimate knowledge of you can sometimes be used against you, as happened to me this weekend when we were playing “Taboo”.

One person was trying to get their teammates to say the word “Secrets”.

The clue: “This is something that Jenny is not good with.”
Everyone’s immediate response: “Hm, that could be so many things.”

Or, you could end up learning something about someone else that you just really did not need to know, as also happened during this game.

The beginning of the clue: “What you want to do to people…”
My friend’s immediate response: “STAB THEM!”

That’s just a little too much information for me.

Filed Under: People Say The Funniest Things, Playing Well With Others Tagged With: board games

The Best Thing I’ve Heard This Weekend Olympics

May 27, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

The bronze medal goes to the following review of the movie, “Star Wars: The Phantom Menace”

“Thinking robots, OK. Light sabers, sure. Space battles, yes. But a talking Jamaican lizard? That‘s where the believability stops.”

The silver medal goes to this exchange I witnessed at the graduation party for one of my tutoring students:

My student: (having just one-upped one of his guy friends in some competitive, male way): “Top that, bitch!”
My student: “Oh, hi, mom!” (to his mother, who was clutching at her chest and undergoing multiple heart attacks as she had unfortunately come downstairs at that exact moment to tell us that the food was ready.)

And the gold medal goes to this meeting that my friend had with her boss.

My friend: “He pulled me and this other guy into the conference room. Then he took out a bottle of water. He said, ‘I just blessed this, so now it’s holy water. I’m gonna throw this at you to see which one of you burns.”

My friend: “What?!”

Her boss: “I want to know which one of you is the most evil.”

Filed Under: People Say The Funniest Things Tagged With: friends, gossip

Lulling Us All Into A Totally False Sense Of Security…

May 24, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

…so that any potential future earphone depredations cannot possibly be traced back to her.

Pip MP3

Filed Under: A Moment In Time, CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics Tagged With: living with cats

How Does Your Garden Grow?

May 21, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 3 Comments

Up until a few years ago I used to go around bragging all the time about how I had a “black thumb”. Unfortunately it was true that I was spectacularly unsuccessful in keeping alive things like plants, flowers, and a beta fish. But I never realized until recently just how weird it was that basically I was saying, “You know, I just want to tell you how excited I am about this special talent of mine where I am really good at killing living things.”

Looking back now I really don’t know how my husband and I ever had enough confidence in our abilities to take in and nurture living creatures other than ourselves, given the fact that every time he goes out of town on a trip he has to sit me down, look me in the eye, and remind me to continue eating while he is gone. Or the fact that once my husband was in serious stomach pain for like 5 days, and it wasn’t until the day when he could no longer stand up straight and was walking around the house bent over at a 90 degree angle and I could actually physically overpower him and force him into the car that he went to the doctor to get treated. [Read more…] about How Does Your Garden Grow?

Filed Under: All About Me, CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, The Naked Truth, Wild Kingdom Tagged With: gardening

Things That Make You Say, “What?!”: Spam

May 20, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

An unfortunate side effect of my blog gaining more and more visibility is that it is apparently also bringing me to the attention of more and more spammers.

Usually I don’t even look at the spam, preferring instead to spend my time strengthening my spam filters and wishing for a way to somehow attach a tiny but powerful blowgun to all spammers’ computers, so that anytime they even thought about sending out more spam they would instantly be flooded by a multitude of sharp, poisonous darts.

But the other day I received an email that actually made me stop in my tracks and do a double take and, committed as I am to bringing you the humor in everyday life, I can’t not share it here:

“Hi, may i present you freshest hot stuff? 😉

I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, (emphasis mine) if medicine prices here are bad.

Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..

My dog and I are still alive :)”

Phew! I’m so relieved that enough people were sucked in by your scheme that you have not been forced to commit horrible acts of violence against yourself or your pet!

Filed Under: CFG Says, What?!, People Post The Funniest Things, Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: email, funny spam, spam

Thank You For Sharing-Not!

May 18, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Yesterday I saw one of my students for their final Spanish tutoring session ever. It’s good for both of us; for him, because he HATES Spanish; for me, because I am no longer responsible for shepherding him through academia now that he has discovered the magical sugary-caffeinated elixir that is a Tall Vanilla Latte.

As he was pacing around my office and working off his coffee high he began closely inspecting everything on my shelves, including my collection of cat figurines.

“Oh, don’t look at those,” I said. “I don’t want you to think that I’m a crazy cat lady.”
“Oh I already KNOW you are!” he replied. “Three’s the magic number!”

He is very lucky that I am not the person in charge of grading his final Spanish exam.

Filed Under: CFG And Her Students, CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, Playing Well With Others Tagged With: coffee, tutoring, working with high school students

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