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My Secret Is Out

October 21, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

You know how sometimes people have those disorders where they do all kinds of crazy things in their sleep without knowing it, like eating, walking around town, and experiencing intimate, climactic moments with the unsuspecting people around them?

Well if the eleventy thousand emails that I’ve received today are to be believed, apparently my sleep disorder involves logging onto my computer in the dead of night and ordering an entire continent’s worth of medicine designed to enhance my Very Special Man Parts.

I wonder if there’s some kind of medicine for that?

Filed Under: Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: funny spam

Finally…

July 29, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

…the spammers have figured out which target market I fit into.

Today’s headline:

Dorkus Maximus

Filed Under: Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: funny spam

Sometimes The Universe Smiles

March 7, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 5 Comments

like yesterday, when it sent me this very amusing, and quite helpful Public Service Announcement-Like spam informing me of the important, upcoming

Big Boob Alert

Great-thanks so much for letting me know!

Filed Under: Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: funny spam

Keeping Myself Entertained

January 10, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 7 Comments

Right now I am supposed to be coming up with a 2-hour lesson plan for a new Spanish class I’ll be teaching starting tomorrow. Unfortunately, I can only write about verbs and vowels for so long before I start getting antsy and looking around for something else with which to occupy myself, and then before you know it my husband has come home to find that I’ve given away all our pots and pans because they weren’t “pretty enough”.

So in order to keep myself entertained and to circumvent any boredom-inspired domestic disasters, I have been reading back through some of the funny spam messages I’ve gotten recently. Such as,

“fortuitous amputee”: (Really? Because I seriously doubt that’s how they’d describe their situation.)

“thousandth madhouse”: (Yep, that could just be a synonym for “Jenny’s Mind”.)

“hardcore pregnant”: (Is there any other way to be pregnant? Half-assed? Not totally committed yet?)

And in the category of, “If I Never Saw These Words Combined Again, It Would Still Be Too Soon”:

“mother’s soapy enema”, and

“mature grandma”

Filed Under: Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: funny spam

What Jesus Wants

November 9, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 4 Comments

Today dooce referenced a song that sent me flashing back to my early years. She mentions “trying to coax Leta into singing Mormon hymns over the phone one more time. Jesus, he wants her for a sunbeam”. I think that someone, somewhere must have decided that Jesus wants all young children for sunbeams, because I too sang that song, but as a (former) Baptist, not as a (former) Mormon.

However Jesus appears to be keeping up with the times, because yesterday he emailed me. And now, instead of wanting me “for a sunbeam, to shine for him each day”, he wants me to refinance our house with his mortgage company. “Our loan department is trying to reach you One Last Time since previous attempts to contact you all failed.” Apparently I missed the burning bush and the pillar of fire by night, so he had to resort to email.

The times, they are a-changing.


Filed Under: Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: funny spam

Things That Make You Say, “What?!”: More Spam

November 3, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 4 Comments

It’s been really interesting to watch the progression that my various-and totally inappropriate-spam comments have undergone as spammers continue exploring new ways to get around our filters.

The spam I’ve been receiving lately has turned into a sort of twisted version of Jack Handy’s Deep Thoughts. I’m getting all these weird comments that wouldn’t even make sense in a fortune cookie-things like, “He who to you does an ill turn, you he’ll never forgive.”

Um, what?

It’s like all the spammers got together one day and said, “You know, I bet if we distract all our targets with a stunningly profound opening, they won’t even notice that the rest of our comment is composed entirely of random words we shot out of our patented, ‘Foul Phrase Generator’, plus eleventy-four thousand links to “adult” websites.”

Yeah, right.

And while we’re on the subject of spam, I did experience a karmically perfect moment the other day upon receiving one particular piece of spam. Because the sender? Was “ass”. (See: The Word Ass, My Irrational Love For)

Filed Under: CFG Says, What?!, People Post The Funniest Things, Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: funny spam

Things That Make You Say, “What?!”: More Spam

July 26, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Today I received this extremely helpful and thought-provoking email:

“Listen to the voice of your penis. He is asking to get Penis Enlarge Patch.”

And I thought, “Dude, if anyone’s ‘stuff’ actually started speaking to them, I think they would have problems W-A-Y beyond the scope of anything a penis patch could help them with.”

Filed Under: CFG Says, What?!, Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: funny spam, funny stories, spam

Things That Make You Say, “What?!”: Spam

May 20, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

An unfortunate side effect of my blog gaining more and more visibility is that it is apparently also bringing me to the attention of more and more spammers.

Usually I don’t even look at the spam, preferring instead to spend my time strengthening my spam filters and wishing for a way to somehow attach a tiny but powerful blowgun to all spammers’ computers, so that anytime they even thought about sending out more spam they would instantly be flooded by a multitude of sharp, poisonous darts.

But the other day I received an email that actually made me stop in my tracks and do a double take and, committed as I am to bringing you the humor in everyday life, I can’t not share it here:

“Hi, may i present you freshest hot stuff? 😉

I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, (emphasis mine) if medicine prices here are bad.

Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..

My dog and I are still alive :)”

Phew! I’m so relieved that enough people were sucked in by your scheme that you have not been forced to commit horrible acts of violence against yourself or your pet!

Filed Under: CFG Says, What?!, People Post The Funniest Things, Sometimes Spam Is Funny Tagged With: email, funny spam, spam

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