It Was Somebody’s Job To Think This Stuff Up
(Originally published March 8, 2006)
Recently my husband has been excited to find some new friends with which he can play video games. While I am an excellent wife and companion in many ways, I do not share his enjoyment of gaming. So it has been good for him to connect with others who do.
Last weekend one of The Gamers arrived at our house and announced: “I just went to Blockbuster and found The Best Game Ever! You’re a samurai, and you wake up one day, and all of your body parts have been stolen. You have to go out and fight the bad guys who took them so you can like, get your arms back and stuff!”
Fortunately the main character was also fitted with substitute body parts, but of course these parts also double as deadly weapons. For example, when he meets up with an enemy his fake arms and hands fly off to reveal swords, his knees open up to reveal machine guns, etc.
Every time the samurai defeats a “Fiend”, he recovers one of his stolen body parts. I witnessed one of these pivotal moments, and while the hero writhed in agony on the screen we all pondered what vital limb or organ he might have just regained. His heart? His lungs? His eyes?
Oh no. After valiantly defeating the Fiend in battle, and undergoing the agonizing, torturous process of re-incorporating one of the inner organs necessary for his continued existence the hero looked up to see that he was now once again in possession of…his esophagus. With a corresponding reminder in small print that said, “Please note: The esophagus will not work without the rest of the digestive tract.”
So all week I have been facilitating cryptic correspondence between my husband and the other gamers. I pass along messages like, “Tell her I got my hippocampus back last night and can now remember how many bad guys I have killed,” or, “Tell him that I also got my left leg back so I can run now. Luckily the leg cannon is in the right leg.”
To quote one of the gamers: “Good times.”