Harnessing the healing power of snark
Agents Tony DiNozzo and Tim McGee have just finished a conference call with Abby the forensics expert.
McGee: “What does she look like?”
DiNozzo: “Who?”
McGee: “Abby. She sounds cute.”
DiNozzo: “She’s not your type.”
McGee: “Well how do you know that?”
DiNozzo: “Have you ever had the slightest urge to tattoo your buttocks, McGee?”
McGee: “I don’t think so.”
DiNozzo: “Then we need never speak of her again.”
from Season One, “Sub Rosa”
Image courtesy of Free Foto.
“You can’t garden with a shotgun.”
-Richard Hammond to Jeremy Clarkson as the guys of “Top Gear” (a show about cars) attempt to makeover a garden
came from the season premiere of “Bones”. (And let us all do a happy dance of joy in celebration of new episodes of TV!)
Booth and Bones are in the U.K. to present at various conferences. While there, they become involved in solving a couple of murders, and are working with Inspector Pritchard of Scotland Yard.
Booth and the Inspector are questioning the manager of the Highgate Gentlemen’s Club, and have just informed him of the murder of one of its members.
Club Manager: My God. Two nights ago Dr. Wexler was buying drinks for all of his friends, and playing the tables as if he hadn’t a care in the world.
Booth: “Was he with a woman?”
Inspector Pritchard: “No, this is a gentleman’s club, Agent Booth.”
Booth: “I didn’t see a stage, or a pole, or dancers, or anything.””
Inspector Pritchard: No, an English gentleman’s club is for actual, English gentlemen.”
Thirteen Funny Quotes From “Bones”1. “Don’t provoke the lunatic.”
–Agent Booth
2.”Dude, what you call being a conspiracy theorist I call being well informed”
-Dr. Jack Hodgins
3.”It took me weeks to collect all those photocopies, I need you, friends don’t let friends photocopy their butts at company Christmas parties”
-Angela to Brennan
4. Brennan: (to Booth) You’re very touchy. Perhaps because of all your skulking around?
Booth: I’m discreet, okay? It’s different. A gentleman is discreet. Okay?
5. Booth: God does not make mistakes.
Angela: I don’t know – putting testicles on the outside doesn’t seem like such a good idea.
6. looking at the reconstruction on the computer)
Angela: How could anybody do this to themselves?
Hodgins: You know, 900 B.C., the Greek ruler Theseus had two men sit in chairs and beat each other to death for entertainment.
(Cam and Angela just stare at Hodgins)
Hodgins: Just saying, it’s nothing new.
7. Brennan: You know, we all have aspects of ourselves we might wish were different.
Zack: Yes, I wanted larger biceps before I became comfortable with my mental acuity.
8. (Hodgins and Angela talking about swings)
Hodgins: I miss that feeling.
Angela: Yeah, me too.
Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class.. those were good times..
Zack: I miss my first microscope
Booth: Yeah and I miss normal people!
9.Brennan: Debris embedded in the remains suggests an explosion.
Booth: So does that giant hole in the wall.
10. Brennan: You said you’ve dealt with manipulative men before.
Angela: Sweetie, this is a psycho killer… Not some loser who wants you to co-sign a loan for his jet-ski.
11. Booth: …the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.
Saroyan: You’ll be there to protect her.
Booth: She’s not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist.
Bones: He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Saroyan: Better not take Dr. Brennan.
12. Booth: (on the phone) Monkeys are Daddy’s favorite! They’re just like people!
Brennan: (interrupting) Actually, three million base pairs of the genome differ in protein encoding and other functional areas.
Booth: What?
Brennan: The differences between chimps and humans.
Booth: I’m talking to a four year old, Bones.
13. Brennan: Committing yourself to one person isn’t in the interest of the species. I mean, you have multiple partners.
Angela: Don’t say it like that – I date.
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