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How To Really Mess With The Cat Sitter

November 28, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 13 Comments

Take (1) one cat who has figured out how to open the laundry room’s bi-fold doors.

Add (1) feather duster lying unguarded in the laundry room, and

Three (3) super destructive felines, angry about being left alone for the week,

and you will receive the following hysterical phone call while on vacation for the holidays:

“Oh my God! I just got to your house, and the floor is covered in feathers. I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure your cats have killed your bird!”

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics Tagged With: living with cats

Uff Da!

October 11, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 8 Comments

TP

Filed Under: A Moment In Time, CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, Oops...Do Over Tagged With: living with cats

Prayers Of The Faithful

August 22, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 3 Comments

You know how when you’re little you learn certain prayers to say at certain times, like saying “Now I lay me down to sleep/I pray the Lord my soul to keep…” before you go to bed, or saying “God is great/God is good/Let us thank Him/For this food” before a meal? And then you get older and you learn different prayers to say at different times?

Well I have noticed that since I began living with cats, I have learned an entirely new set of prayers for the particular circumstances that arise due to cohabitation with felines.

Such as, A Prayer For The Sick

Dear God,

Please let that noise I hear not be the big cat horking stuff up all over the rug.

Thank you.

Or, A Prayer For The Dead

Dear God,

Please let that black thing in the middle of the living room carpet not be anything alive.
Or anything that was alive at one time, but is now dead.
Or anything that used to have legs, arms, a head and/or wings, but is now missing them.
Or any of said legs, arms, heads, or wings.

Thank you.

Or, A Prayer For Deliverance

Dear God,

Please let whatever it is that Tigger just captured on the porch
and then brought inside
not end up on my bed.

Thank you.

Together we all say, Amen.

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics Tagged With: living with cats

Bitter Irony

August 11, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 5 Comments

That Tigger was smart enough to figure out how to get out of his cat carrier while I was in the bathroom, but not smart enough to run far, far away and hide under the bed; instead he stood right next to the carrier and investigated it thoroughly, thus allowing me to easily stick him right back inside and take him to the vet anyway.

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, These Are The Days Of My Life Tagged With: living with cats

Can You Hear Me NOW? Mwa ha ha ha ha!

July 30, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

For creatures who lack the ability to speak, our cats have developed a large number of ways to communicate to us EXACTLY what they are feeling in any given moment.

One of their more effective communication methods is that of Knocking Stuff On The Ground.

After living with these particular animals for the past nine years I have begun to decipher the different meanings behind each level of this process.

The first level is pretty casual, taking place when they are bored, or curious, or just feel like messing around. They will jump up on my desk or the kitchen table and start batting around things like pens, bottle caps, scissors, pills, or anything that is small, light, and rolls easily. Here the meaning is pretty much along the lines of,

-“Hey, I’m bored.”
-“Hey, pay attention to me.”
-“Hey, look what I found.”
-“Hey, this is so cool! I’m totally stealing it for myself!”

The next level is a little more intense since it is an expression of their frustration and irritation. It usually takes place early in the morning on my nightstand, where they precisely and deliberately knock off One. Item. At. A. Time, calculating just how many THUNKS it will take before I can’t stand it anymore and will get up and do whatever they want if they will just PLEASE, LET ME SLEEP A LITTLE LONGER!

I thought I was getting pretty good at understanding what they were wanting. But apparently sometime during the night we moved to a new level in this process, because when we woke up this morning we saw this:

lamp

lamp

We’re still trying to figure out exactly what it means.

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, These Are The Days Of My Life Tagged With: living with cats

Poor Me

June 11, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Because we have no human children, and a lot of free time on the weekends, my husband and I have recently been allowing Tigger to explore the back deck from the safety of a cat harness and an expandable leash.

tigger outside

Being that it is the summertime, and we do live in the South, and we are caring and responsible (or horribly mean and abusive, it all depends on how you look at it) kitty parents, tonight we forced all the cats to endure The Application Of A Flea Control Substance.

That means that now, wherever I turn, I am faced with the highly indignant, self-righteous, and martyred (not to mention EXTREMELY grumpy) stare of animals that have been denied the privilege of having creepy crawly critters hatching in their fur all summer long. Plus the frustration stemming from the fact that I have now messed up the pristine smoothness of their coat, which they just spent the last 87 hours licking into perfection. Mixed in with the calculating stare that tells me that they are trying to decide whether or not I’m worth the effort of reaching out and whacking as I pass them by.

Life’s hard when you’re a cat.

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, These Are The Days Of My Life Tagged With: living with cats

Beware, O Unsuspecting Passerby

June 8, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

tail

foot

paws

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics Tagged With: living with cats

Lulling Us All Into A Totally False Sense Of Security…

May 24, 2006 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

…so that any potential future earphone depredations cannot possibly be traced back to her.

Pip MP3

Filed Under: A Moment In Time, CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics Tagged With: living with cats

You Might Be A Crazy Blogger If…

October 15, 2005 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Saturday Morning, The One Day You Can Sleep In…

6:50 am-7:15 am: Your three cats take it in turn to physically harass you as you lay in bed, in punishment for your being out of cat food

7:16 am: The cat currently on “harassment rotation” uses your chest as a launching pad to leap up and attack another cat who, apparently, is not sticking to the schedule

7:17 am: Your husband is awakened out of a dead sleep by the sounds of you swearing like a sailor

7:18 am: Mopping up of all the blood

7:23 am: After clearing the bedroom of all cats your husband leaves for the grocery store which, fortunately for you, is open 24 hours a day

7:25 am: With nothing left to do but go back to bed, you find yourself mentally constructing the funniest way to present this story on your blog

7:30 am: Typing…

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, My Mind Works In Mysterious Ways Tagged With: bloggers, blogging, living with cats

Jenny’s First Law of Feline Dynamics

June 30, 2005 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

For every human who really needs to take a nap, there is an opposite, much more powerful feline force that really needs you to get off the couch, go to the store, and buy them some more cat food.

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics Tagged With: living with cats

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