until your friend is describing to you how, when she went to visit her father recently, he announced,
“Hey, guess what? There was a skank on my front porch this morning!”
Harnessing the healing power of snark
from my fantastic friend, crse:
“I grew up in the 70s. There was no such thing as t-ball in the 70s. We threw hard little sacks of pain and liked it. Oh yes we did. We loved it.”
1. In its continuing dedication to reporting on “People Who Are Famous For Absolutely No Reason That Anyone Can See”, People.com brought us the breaking news that Carmen Electra is making sure to find time in her busy schedule to address the heretofore unmet need for “her own new line of portable stripper poles so ladies can get a work out Carmen style.”
FINALLY! At last I know what our living room has been missing for all these years!
2. I knit a wool hat, which I was then supposed to shrink, or “felt” down to the proper size in my washing machine. Unfortunately, it now resembles nothing so much as a soft, pink, Frisbee.
When I was describing this to my mom (who is also a knitter) and discussing my problems with shaping she replied, “Oh! If only I had a human head, I would give it to you!.”
I’m sorry I haven’t been on here much lately. I’ve been having a lot of health challenges.
The good news: No problems with C DIF since I finished my medication in December, and they didn’t find anything wrong on any of my blood work.
The bad news: The reactive arthritis is still going strong, and could be here for 12-18 months.
They gave me some steroids last weekend to help with the inflammation, and that helped bring the pain down from a 9/10 to around a 1 or a 2. But being in near-constant pain for the past 7 months has just really ground me down emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. It’s hard not to go to the dark place in my thoughts when I feel so bad for so long.
So I’m currently spending all my time trying to figure out how to waterproof my computer, my knitting, and all my books so I can live in the bathtub, as the water helps take all the pressure off my joints.
Any good thoughts would be much appreciated 🙂
Last week I went to see my sleep doctor to update him on my progress with my CPAP machine. I have a new air delivery system called a “nasal pillow”, which is much better than my mask. It doesn’t hurt the bridge of my nose, it doesn’t make my face break out, and it doesn’t at all make me feel as though I’m inserting two tiny rubber penises into my nose every night. Oh, no wait-it DOES do that. But I digress.
Even though I had to get on 3 different highways and drive to what felt like Alabama to get to his office, I was looking forward to this appointment because I would also get to report progress on my WEIGHT LOSS.
So I got checked in, and the nurse put me in the examination room, and the doctor came in, and we began to chat, and then he asked how things had been going for me, and I got to say, “I joined Weight Watchers and I have lost 18 pounds since February!!”
And do you know what his response was, this health care professional, this man who was supposed to be dedicated to my health and well-being, this man who had told me to lose weight in the first place to see if it helped to relieve my sleep apnea?
“Hm. On purpose?”
On. Purpose.
Then he told me that I was one of, like, less than 1% of people who actually did what he told them to.
Really? Hm. I wonder why that could be?
This past weekend my husband had to go out of town, and since I haven’t yet reached the point in my recovery where I can stay by myself for extended periods of time, my parents came to stay with me.
We started talking about all the TV shows we love to watch, and how glad we are that the writer’s strike is finally over and there are finally new episodes for us to watch. And then suddenly, in the tones of someone undergoing an exhaustive cross-examination at the hands of a crack prosecutor, my mom announced,
“And I already know which shows I’d pick if something happened, and I was only ever allowed to watch 2 shows for the rest of my life.”
I totally understand this behavior, this compulsion to try and anticipate every possible situation one might encounter in the future, and then formulate an appropriate response and/or defense strategy. I myself am quite skilled at it.
Not surprisingly then, many of the sessions with my coach involve the two of us delving into my extensive library of Scary Stuff I’ve Made Up In My Head and attempting to clear out this dense cloud of thought forms.
In one particular session we were having a hard time breaking through, so in an effort to make her point my coach asked, “Well, do you worry about having to learn Braille, just in case you ever go blind?”, thinking that surely, this extreme example would help me to see how irrational I was being.
But apparently she had forgotten who she was talking to, because OF COURSE I said, yes! “Yes, I worry about having to learn Braille, just in case I go blind one day.” Because…doesn’t everyone?
Sometimes, I even scare myself.