This past weekend my husband had to go out of town, and since I haven’t yet reached the point in my recovery where I can stay by myself for extended periods of time, my parents came to stay with me.
We started talking about all the TV shows we love to watch, and how glad we are that the writer’s strike is finally over and there are finally new episodes for us to watch. And then suddenly, in the tones of someone undergoing an exhaustive cross-examination at the hands of a crack prosecutor, my mom announced,
“And I already know which shows I’d pick if something happened, and I was only ever allowed to watch 2 shows for the rest of my life.”
I totally understand this behavior, this compulsion to try and anticipate every possible situation one might encounter in the future, and then formulate an appropriate response and/or defense strategy. I myself am quite skilled at it.
Not surprisingly then, many of the sessions with my coach involve the two of us delving into my extensive library of Scary Stuff I’ve Made Up In My Head and attempting to clear out this dense cloud of thought forms.
In one particular session we were having a hard time breaking through, so in an effort to make her point my coach asked, “Well, do you worry about having to learn Braille, just in case you ever go blind?”, thinking that surely, this extreme example would help me to see how irrational I was being.
But apparently she had forgotten who she was talking to, because OF COURSE I said, yes! “Yes, I worry about having to learn Braille, just in case I go blind one day.” Because…doesn’t everyone?
Sometimes, I even scare myself.
As I was preparing to have surgery a couple of weeks ago I thought “The doctor isn’t going to find anything wrong…I just know it! I have been making all of this pain up!”
After few hours after surgery, the doctor comes into my room and says: “You were a mess in there. It took me two and half hours to fix you all up…I thought it would only take an hour or so. You poor thing…no wonder you have been in so much pain!”
Go figure!
The mind is a strange place indeedy!
Hi! OMG! This is EXACTLY like me! My husband thinks I’m seriously mentally ill in this area! I’m so glad to know someone else thinks like this as well. And, if you and I do it you know there have to be others! Maybe most people just don’t admit to it. Or, maybe it’s so ingrained they don’t realize they do it. That was me until I voiced some of these thoughts to my husband and a couple of others over the years and got looks like I suddenly turned blue AND grew three heads. Or, maybe that many people really don’t do it and we’re the special few or two! I was going to say neurotic but special sounds better. I am sorry to hear about your arthritis. I didn’t read back far so I don’t know the back story but will go back and read more. I am a chronic pain patient and arthritis is one of my issues but I also have numerous spinal problems, fibromyalgia, tmj, degenerative disc disease, etc. If it weren’t for my medications, injections, (and the occasional massage) I couldn’t function! I wish you continued improvement! And thanks for providing me with a good laugh today- I really needed that today too!
Namaste,
Shauna