memes – Page 2

Blog Fodder #3

December 13, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 20 Comments

Do You Have Any Memories Of A Childhood Illness?

In 1984, when I was in the sixth grade, I got the Chicken Pox. Back then, if mothers heard about a child who had the Chicken Pox, they would rush to bring their children over to the afflicted child’s house and expose them to this virus. A child with the Chicken Pox had a kind of weird, twisted, Simon Cowell-esque celebrity back then with other parents: “Oh, pick my child! Expose my child! Infect my child, please!”

So I missed two weeks of school, and when I finally went back I was covered with tiny red scabs, which of course my classmates never noticed, and certainly never used as an excuse to invent rumors of my contracting wacky and exotic diseases. Twelve and thirteen year olds are so sensitive and gracious in that way.

One day I was bored, and I decided to circle each and every scab with a ballpoint pen. That, of course, was the answer I was looking for, as inking up my scabs made them practically invisible to the naked eye (NOT!)

And to cap this all off, I vividly remember that as soon as I had finally recovered, an article appeared in the newspaper describing how researchers had finally discovered a vaccine for the very illness I had just suffered through. Twelve years old is so young to learn about the concept of irony, don’t you think?

Christmas Meme

December 12, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 4 Comments

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Whatever my husband wants to use! He is an engineer, and his wrapping is precise and beautiful. I am a creative liberal arts major, and anything I wrap always ends up looking like ass.

2. Real tree or artificial? Real tree. Unless you live with my cat Tigger, who is a one-feline destruction team. Then your only viable option becomes a Pine Scented Candle.

3. When do you put up the tree? You mean “candle”, right? We put up the candle whenever one of our friends comes over, roots around in our drawers for something to light on fire, and discovers the candle which we’ve completely forgotten about.

4. When do you take the tree down? Whenever Jenny gets bored with the arrangement of things in the living room and wants to put up something new.

5. Do you like eggnog? Mmm, tasty!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Any gift, EVER.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? No. See answer to question #2.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My brother, who apparently has eschewed all attachment to material possessions. Which is fine, because I’ve just gone ahead and picked up all of his slack.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Me, of course. Which is why my husband was forced to institute the “Jenny is not allowed to buy herself anything that could possibly be a Christmas gift idea for someone else starting on November 1^st” rule.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Year-in-review update on your blog.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Apparently I’ve blocked this out. But we did get a few doozies for wedding gifts.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Diehard 1 and 2.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Whenever the panic of, “Holy Cow, I’m not ready!!!!!” panic sets in.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I’m sure I have at some point. I know I did this with a few wedding gifts we received, so clearly the practice doesn’t bother me.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Sugar cookies!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored. Preferably the huge, ceramic, highly flammable bulbs prevalent in the 1970’s. Yet another piece of my childhood which the powers-that-be have decided to use to make me feel old, as there is now a Christmas commercial for a fake tree decorated with these bulbs and labeled as “Retro”. (Not that I’m bitter.)

17. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night, Joy To The World, Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree

17b. Christmas Song That, When You Hear It, Makes Your Eyes Bleed And Your Brains Start To Leak Out Your Ears, Because That Is Less Painful Than Having To Listen To That *&%^&$# Song One More Time! “Let’s Give A Christmas Present To Santa Claus”, and “[random words sung in Hawaiian] Is The Thing To Say On This Bright Hawaiian Christmas Day”.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We don’t have any children, which I think is the universally accepted way you get to have Christmas in your own home, so we always go to one or the other set of parents for Christmas.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Cupid, Comet, Blitzen, Rudolph. Do I win a prize? Or get a gift?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Dude, enough with the tree questions already! I keep telling you, it’s a CANDLE!

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning. And let me tell you something, when you marry an engineer whose father is also an engineer, apparently you also agree to the Entire Ass-Load of “Unwritten But Must Be Perfectly Observed Or Else The Earth Will Crash Into The Sun” Rules About Opening Christmas Gifts. I guess that’s the price you pay for having beautifully wrapped gifts.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? “Should-ing” all over myself, as in, “I really SHOULD send out Christmas cards”, or, “I really SHOULD hand make all my gifts.”

24. Favorite Christmas Tradition? Making fudge on Christmas Eve and eating Texas Pizzas on Christmas morning.

25. Outdoor decorations? Icicle lights.

Trying Something New, Again

December 10, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 8 Comments

Never really being one to leave well enough alone, and apparently not having yet met my internal quota of Things To Obsess Over by demanding of myself that I visit each and every one of the almost-300 blogs that participate in the Thursday Thirteen meme, I’ve been shopping around for some new blog activities in which I can participate.

So this week I participated in the Friday’s Feast meme, which was a lot of fun, and tomorrow I’m planning on participating in Blog Fodder. But not only do these new memes offer me the opportunity for some high-quality obsessing over these brand-new participant lists, this Monday will only be the third week that Blog Fodder has been around. And they leave up all the previous topics. And there really aren’t strict rules about how you participate. Which means that I can go back to the very beginning and answer all the questions starting from Week One. Because having a perfectly complete and uninterrupted set of Blog Fodder posts of course matters a great deal to…um,…absolutely no one. But it sure does make my inner OCD girl happy. So here we go.

Blog Fodder #1: What Are Some Of Your Memorable Experiences At School?

Friday’s Feast #121

December 8, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 25 Comments

Appetizer: Which language would you like to learn and why?

I actually do know another language-I have a Master’s Degree in Spanish. When it came time to pick a major in college I had NO idea what I wanted to do, so I chose Spanish because I enjoyed it and because I was good at it. And everyone around me said, “Oh, Spanish, that’s great-and what are you gonna do with that again?”

By the time graduation rolled around I was really enjoying being a Spanish major (and I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life-who knows the answer to that question at 21?!) and I wanted to learn more, so I went to graduate school. That was the first time in my life I ever did something just because I enjoyed it, with no other plans or agendas behind it.

Soup: What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard or read so far this week?

Probably this conversation I had with my trainer.

“When we do lower body I’m gonna be nice to you. I’m gonna give you a break in between exercises.”

“Great!”

“Yeah. After every exercise you’re gonna do some abs. That’ll be your break.”

“Uh,…thank you?”

Salad: Which movie was so bad you couldn’t watch the whole thing?

My husband (then boyfriend) and I went to go see Mannequin 2 in the theater. There were only 2 other people in there with us-that really should have been a clue!

Main Course: If there were a holiday in your honor that didn’t use your actual name, what would the day be called?“All Hail The Supreme Empress Of The Universe” Day

Dessert :Name one movie which is coming out soon that you would like to see.

This isn’t coming out soon, but I can’t wait to see the final “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie. Love me some Johnny Depp!

Dine For Yourself

Thursday Thirteen #15: Thirteen Funny Moments With My Students

December 7, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 28 Comments

Thirteen Funny Moments With My Students
1. The Student: “My teacher hates me.”
Me: “Why do you think that?”
The Student: “Well, I was just sitting there in class, and then suddenly my jacket was on fire.”
Me: (Silently) Yeah, she probably does.

2. Me: “Back in the 70’s, when I was growing up…”
My student: Gasps so hard in stunned amazement at how old I am that he almost turns his head inside out.

3. Me: “Oh, I see we’re getting ready to start the chapter on…THE PLANE.”
Me: Waiting expectantly.
My student: Stares at me blankly.
Me: “THE PLANE”.
The Student: Nothing.
Me: “Tattoo? Fantasy Island?”
My student: Looks at me quizzically.
Me: Feeling like a total idiot. “Uh, never mind.”

4. Anytime I try to use “Top Gun” and Tom Cruise as examples of knowing what’s “cool” when you’re a teenager.

5. Student: “Will you take me to get my belly button pierced?”
Me: “No.”
Student: “Why not? I really thought you would.”
Me: What?! Why?!
Me (silently): frantically reviewing every interaction I’d previously had with this student, wondering how I’d possibly given out the message that I was someone who would accompany teenagers as they voluntarily allowed others to drive very sharp needles through various parts of their body.

6. Usually I am pretty good at getting in the last word. Words are what I was trained in, and now words are my business. But yesterday I met my match.

I was working with a tutoring client and trying to elicit some information from him in a process which, incidentally, has given me entirely new insights into the phrase, “blood from a stone.”

I asked him if he was this difficult in all of his conversations with others, and he said that he liked to present people with a challenge.

Me:” Well, that’s just like waving a red flag in front of a bull” (I love a good challenge).
Him: “Yes, but then it’s just like in the cartoons when I pull the flag away, and there’s an anvil there instead.”

He won.

7. My Student: “I should never be given the power of invincibility, because if I were invincible I would go around hurting everyone else just because I could.”
Me: “Hm, interesting.”
Me (silently): OK, Universe, are you listening here?
Me: “So, you’d really be more of a super villain than a super hero.”
My Student: “Exactly.”
Me: “And then you’d need a super hero to come against you.”
My Student: “But no one could, because I’d be invincible.”
Me: “Ah, but everyone has a weakness. There’s Superman and kryptonite…”
My Student(interrupting): “Well, I guess you could bore me to death.”

(I still haven’t figured out if he just meant people in general, or if he was talking to me specifically at that moment. So I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’m offended.)

8. Today has been a mixture of tutoring some students in Spanish and getting ready to go out of town for a conference.

I guess getting ready for my trip has put me a little on edge, because by my last tutoring session my answers to the student’s questions had become a bit flippant and sarcastic.

This caused him to stop, put down his pen, look at me, and say, “Hm, apparently smartass is catching. Who knew?”

9. Yesterday I saw one of my students for their final Spanish tutoring session ever. It’s good for both of us; for him, because he HATES Spanish; for me, because I am no longer responsible for shepherding him through academia now that he has discovered the magical sugary-caffeinated elixir that is a Tall Vanilla Latte.

As he was pacing around my office and working off his coffee high he began closely inspecting everything on my shelves, including my collection of cat figurines.

“Oh, don’t look at those,” I said. “I don’t want you to think that I’m a crazy cat lady.”

“Oh I already know you are,” he replied. “Three’s the magic number!”

He is very lucky that I am not the person in charge of grading his final Spanish exam.

10. Me: “What is the correct form of this verb?”

My student: Answers incorrectly.

Me: “No, it’s this.”

My student: “You’re right.”

Me: HEAVILY sarcastic. “Yeah, I KNOW!.”

11. My student: “I think I’m not gonna start drinking until I’m older.’

Me: “What?”

My student: “Well, my parents didn’t start needing to have wine every night with dinner until my brother and I were born.”

12. A new student arrives for their first tutoring session.

Me: “OK, let me see your book.”

The student: “Oh. I was supposed to bring my book?”

Me (to myself): Why is it that I don’t drink, again?

13. Me: “OK, so are you going to look over these vocabulary words again tonight so you’ll be ready for your test?”

My student: “Mmm, nope.”

Me: “Well, at least you’re honest.”

Friday: Open Trackback Alliance

December 1, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

OTA

It’s that time again-time for anyone who has an article to share with the blogosphere to link to it here for all to see.

You don’t have to be a member of the Open Trackback Alliance to play. Just send a trackback from your post to this post, and it will magically appear above the comments. Happy Friday!

Thursday Thirteen #14: 13 Funny Newspaper Headlines

November 30, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 34 Comments

Thirteen Funny Newspaper Headlines1. Police Suspicious After Body Found In Graveyard.2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Experts Say.

3. Miners Refuse To Work After Death.

4. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.

5. Male Infertility Can Be Passed Onto Children.

6. Statistics Show That Mortality Increases Perceptibly In The Military During Wartime.

7. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers.

8. Drunks Get Nine Months In Violin Case.

9. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands.

10. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant.

11. War Dims Hope For Peace.

12. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.

13. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Space.

From 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said, ed. by Steven D. Price

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Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday Thirteen #13: Thirteen Sites I Really Like

November 16, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 30 Comments

Thirteen Sites I Really Like

5. Musings From The Edge

6. Bone Sigh Arts

7. Julie Unplugged

8. Artella

9. Denise Mihalik(who took the picture of me that is on my blog header)

10. Christina’s Shoebox

11. Baggage That Goes With Mine

12. A Flyover Blog

Editor’s Note: OK, I knew I was bad at math, but I had no idea that I’d lost my ability to count! Here’s #13:

13. Miss Britt

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Thursday Thirteen #12: Favorite Lines From Comedian Jim Gaffigan

November 2, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 28 Comments

Favorite Lines From Comedian Jim Gaffigan, from his album “Beyond The Pale”

1. I do love food. I even enjoy watching people make food. But you ever notice that the food network is far more interesting when you’re hungry? When you’re full you’re like, “This is stupid.” But when you’re hungry the Food Network’s like porn. You’re like, “Oh, yeah, whip it up baby. Make it for me.” It is a little embarrassing when someone catches you watching the Food Network.

“What are you watching?”

“Uh, uh, the Food Network.”

“Well why are your pants off?”

“I, I like food?” “A lot?”

2. When did we have to become members of all these grocery stores?

“Are you a member of our secret club?”

“Uh, I’m just getting Doritos.”

“Well that’ll be $4,000.00. Or you can join our club.”

“I can’t come to a lot of meetings, but I guess I’ll join.”

3. I do feel guilty at checkout when they’re bagging all my groceries. Talk about feeling lazy.

“Hey, thanks for putting my groceries in my bag. Yeah I could help, but I’ll just watch. I’m exhausted from picking that crap out. You wanna come home and watch me eat â€˜em? I’m lookin’ for a buddy.”

4. But really, we’re a country that loves food. I mean, think about it. Once a week on the news there’s a piece on American obesity. They always show a big guy walking, they’ll block out his face. But that guy knows it’s him.

“Well that shirt looks familiar…oh, crap! Can’t wear that shirt again.”

Poor guy gets to work: “Hey Bill! Saw your fat ass on the news!”

5. And we’re never satisfied when it comes to food.

“You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle-here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!”

6. We want our food fast too, don’t we? That’s why we really love those value meals. You just have to say a number.

“2!”

Soon you won’t even have to speak; it’ll just be a noise.

“Ugh.”

“Uuu-ggg-hhh!”

“All right, I’ll supersize it!”

7. Delivery (of food) is really a combination of two of my favorite activities: eating, and not moving.

8. We’re lazy about our food. We have people deliver it to us.

“Yeah, I like your food, uh, just not enough to go down there and get it.”

And we’re getting lazier. It’s just a matter of time:

“Yeah I want delivery, and I’m gonna need someone to feed me. No, no I’ll be in the tub. Yeah, key is under the mat.”

9. Here’s something fun to do the next time you get delivery: treat the delivery guy like he’s your waiter.

“Hey, thanks a lot. Can you do something about the music in here? And I could go for some more ice water.”

10. Pancakes definitely make you lower your expectations. You’re like, “Well, looks like I’m not showering today.”

11. Pie can’t compete with cake, though. You put candles on a cake, it’s a birthday cake. You put candles on a pie, someone’s drunk in the kitchen.

12. Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat.

“Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?”

“We do that every day!”

“Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?”

13. When you go out to dinner they always try and improve the salad. They’re like, “Would you like some fresh pepper on your salad?” Can anyone tell the difference between fresh and stale pepper? I can’t even taste the pepper. They might as well be like, “Would you like us to wave this wooden wand over your salad?”

“Uh, all right.”

“OK, enjoy your magic salad.”

“Ooh, I didn’t know I was getting a magic salad.”

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Monday Blog Carnival: Carnival Of Family Life

October 30, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

It’s time once again for the Carnival Of Family Life, which today is being hosted at the blog, Adventures in the 100 Acre Wood.

Fun highlights:

-Go here to read, “Just my Luck or RIP Little Chipmunk”.

-Go here to read about Mad Kane’s adventures in shopping for underwear for her mother. “She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose.”