Cranky Fibro Girl

Harnessing the healing power of snark

Thank You

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Thank you so much to everyone who has been checking in with me and making sure that I’m OK.

I am OK. The doctor said it was either a wart or some other benign thing, so except for the soreness from the needles and the scraping, I’m feeling pretty good physically.

Although I do have to wonder-who the hell gets a wart on the top of their head?

I feel like someone who failed out of Wicked Witch Training School.

Wicked Witch Instructor: How many times do I have to tell you? Warts go on the end of your nose, not on the top of your head! No one can see your scary looking wart if it is covered up by your pointy black hat. No broomstick for you!

Parting (Head) Shots

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Good communication between you and your health professional is essential.

(At the dermatologist’s office.)

Nurse: So you’re here because you have something on your head.

Me: Yes.

Nurse: Is it giving you any problems?

Me: No. It’s just WEIRD!

Good communication between you and your spouse is also essential.

(Describing my doctor’s visit to my husband.)

Me: Since we changed insurance, the dermatologist is not covered. So I had to pay for it myself.

My husband: So how much was it?

Me: $212.00

My husband: What?!

Me: It was worth it for the peace of mind.

My husband: Well yeah-it was a PIECE OF YOUR MIND!

The Big Head

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When my brother and I get together, the topic of conversation often turns to a discussion of our big heads. I don’t mean that metaphorically (although I have certainly been guilty of that many times). I mean it literally; as in, hats never fit me; when my chiropractor is working on me she often remarks, “Wow, your head is really heavy!”; and in the wedding picture of me and my husband dancing our first dance cheek to cheek, my head appears to be approximately 85 times the size of his.

I would REALLY like to tell you that having a very large heads corresponds to some kind of exceptional quality, like extra brains or heightened critical thinking skills. And I suppose I could. But I know that I would just be completely making that up, and I don’t like to just pull things out of my ass like that when it’s something someone could actually (factually) check.

However I did discover one unexpected advantage to having a big head today. If for some reason, like for example, your dermatologist is about to scrape what is either a wart or a benign Something-With-A-Really-Complicated-Medical-Name off the top of your scalp, and you have to get injected with anesthetic directly into your head? It’s really not so bad. Nothing like getting multiple shots in the ass.

So there you go. Big head? Big needle? No problem.

Keeping Me Humble

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Recently I have been having some really great sessions with my coach, where we are clearing out a lot of old “stuff” in my life and making room for new stuff to come in. I’ve been pretty excited about all the progress I’m making, and so one night I described in grand detail to my husband how I’ve reached this fabulous new mental and emotional place from which to launch the next phase of my life.

Ha.

Apparently what really happened was that cleaning out all of that inner, mental space means that now I just have more time and energy to spend obsessing about the fact that there is something growing on the top of my head. This means that we have been having a lot of conversations like this:

My husband: “So, what do you want to do for dinner?”

Me (hysterically): “I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A HEAD MOLE!”

I also got my permanent crown last week, which means that when I’m not freaking out over the Foreign Body Protruding From My Scalp I’m walking around the house announcing things like, “My fake tooth feels so shiny and smooth!”

Not surprisingly, things around here are going a little more slowly (I have a head mole!) than I had anticipated (And a fake tooth!) as I figure out a new strategy (My fake tooth, it is so smooth!) for dealing with this new level (Now all my other teeth feel so sharp and pointy!) of crazy-ass, monkey-mind chatter (Maybe I’m part wolf!)

Seriously, my mind? One scary place.