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Warning Signs

August 27, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

The other day my husband and I were in Subway buying dinner. As we were placing our orders a couple of men joined the line, one of whom was wearing a shirt proclaiming, “Three Things You Should Never Say To Cops” (such as, “If I buy the donuts, will you let me off?”)

My husband struck up a conversation with the two men using the shirt as an icebreaker, and mentioned that we have a friend who is entering the police academy later this month.

As soon as he mentioned that this friend is a girl, one of the gentlemen piped up and asked, “Oh, is she hot? I’ll get her to pull me over!” I think he might possibly have had a mistaken perception of his own hotness, as he was sporting a wild and graying beard, a rather large belly, and might possibly have been wearing sandals with knee socks. (Important Side Note: And why is it always those people who think that the “hot people” would want to have anything to do with them?)

Yesterday we went out to dinner with the friend in question and one of her friends, who has been a police officer for the past two years. We recounted our little Subway adventure, which actually turned out to be quite tame compared to their stories (See: People Who Answer The Door Naked, People Who Attempt To Hit On Cops While In The Process Of Being Arrested, People Whose Gay Lover Wakes Them Up From A Sound Sleep By Biting Off And Eating One Of Their Fingers And Part Of Their Ear)

“You know, I’ve never been pulled over by a female police officer,” said my husband, “but if I were I don’t think my first thought would be, ‘Hm…sex’!”

“Well,” replied the veteran police officer, “that‘s how you know they’re creepy.”

Filed Under: Armed And Dangerous, Stupid Things People Do To Get Arrested Tagged With: police academy, police recruits

Um…Yay?

March 1, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 12 Comments

“I’m a polygraph away from getting a taser, mace, and a gun!”

-a friend who is applying for entrance into the Police Academy

Filed Under: Armed And Dangerous, Playing Well With Others Tagged With: police academy, police recruits

The Best Thing I Heard This Weekend

February 4, 2007 By Jenny Ryan 6 Comments

A friend of ours is hoping to be admitted into the Police Academy this spring. Last night she was describing some of the evaluations she will have to undergo.

“I’ll have to go through TASER certification,” (Apparently part of this training involves actually being tasered.)

“Will you have to get sprayed in the face with pepper spray too?” I asked, wincing.

“Yeah, but I’ve actually already done that,” she replied.

?!?!?!

“Well, one year my mom got me mace for Easter,” she began.

(Cosmic shrieking as the fabric of the Universe is ripped to shreds while trying to process that sentence.)

“She went to the police supply store and got two different sizes to put in my Easter basket.”

“Um…WHAT?!” my husband and I exclaimed when we were once again able to speak.

“Well, she wanted to make sure that I had one that I could carry in my purse, and one that I could wear on my arm when I went running.”

(Oh thank you so much for explaining and clearing that up for us. Because THAT was the part of the story that was tripping us up.)

Filed Under: Armed And Dangerous, CFG Says, What?!, People Do The Strangest Things Tagged With: police academy, police recruit

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