1. Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis.
2. The walls of Notre Dame Cathedral are supported by flying buttocks.
3. Sir Francis drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
4. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
5. Protons are found in both meat and electricity.
6. The bowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.
7. He worked in the government as a civil serpent.
8. The flood damage was so bad they had to evaporate the city.
9. A horse divided against itself cannot stand.
10. Homer wrote The Oddity.
11. Flying saucers are just an optical conclusion.
12. Socrates died from taking a poison called wedlock.
13. Be sure and put some of those neutrons on my salad.
From 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said, ed. by Steven D. Price
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Kids are so funny though there might be truth in #7!
Stacie Penney says
I used to teach 7-8th graders and I missed this sort of thing. My boys are 3 and 6 yo and just starting to do funny things with their words.
Too funny! Those poor men during Drake’s time!
colleen gleason says
Ha! These are great, Jenny. I like Homer’s The Oddity best. I’d like to read that one.
I noticed you’re reading Alison Weir’s Isabella…she wrote one of my favorite books about one of my favorite ladies–Elinor of Aquitaine.
My TT’s up….Thirteen Albums from the 80s I have hanging on my wall.
Mary (mert) says
My husband would joke that 12 could be true. Very unusual and wonderful list! Happy TT!
John Masters says
Thank you. That’s the first really good laugh I’ve had in days. Truth is stranger than fiction.
100 foot clipper. Ouch!
Oh my! Those are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs! 😀
Happy T13. 🙂
Christine d'Abo says
ROFL!!!! 100 foot clipper! That is awesome.
Thanks for stopping by my site today. 🙂
Alright, well, after looking up the meaning of “malaprop”, I can safely laugh at these. :0)
ROFL!!!!!!! What a hoot. Sometimes you wonder how folks can screw this stuff up SO bad!
Thanks for stopping by my T13.
Civil Serpents indeed!
Awesome list! Those are hilarious. 🙂
Wow I’m skeerd! LOL!
Ha! I love reading those things. Makes me ever thankful for my limited wits.
It was number 12 that jumped out at me too I’m afraid…. but as a weddingphobe that probably isn’t surprising.
Not that I have anything against weddings as such – like them in fact… Just don’t want one!
Sorry – unprovoked ranting has ceased!
Ooooh, those are too funny!!! #3 sounds very painful, heehee.
Oh my! Those are from standardized tests? That explains a lot!
*LOL* Great list!! I can visualise those and laugh even harder.
Thanks for visiting my TT and adding me on BlogLog!
Too funny – loved it!
LOL @ ‘a poison called wedlock’ 🙂
Thanks for stopping by.
This is one cool list… no 2 is my favourite! 🙂
Angelle Trieste says
LOL! Hilarious. I love it. 🙂
Too funny! I hope not many of them are from college students though. It would not say much for our education system!
Great list–I’m still giggling! Happy TT!
very funny list, as always
Love malaprops! How about the Hotel St. Regis in Detroit which proudly offers “Fruit Compost” on its breakfast menu?
Wow…you are way smarter than me. What a great list!
I love the list – especially the one about the civil serpent.
Thanks for visiting.
Joy Renee says
so funny!! i think i turned purple. i love word play. malaprops are the most fun.
thanx for visiting my tt.
Blond Girl says
Never seen a flying buttock myself…
Here from Geekwif’s 13. I loved this post! One of those that would be good to print and post outside my cube, if I still worked in corporate america.
I have my T13 up – shows to love and hate on cable.
Too funny. THat was a great post.
very funny stuff! #9 and #12 were my favorites!
happy TT! thanks for stopping by!
I think I am going to forward this to some friends of mine who will DEFINITELY appreciate the humor in this. Great list, Jenny!
Those are hysterical!!! 🙂 Thanks for making me laugh.
I love the one about wedlock poison!