Thirteen Quotes From “Dirty Jobs”I love the show “Dirty Jobs” with Mike Rowe. My favorite episode is the one where Mike goes to California to work on an ostrich farm. The following are quotes of dialogue between Doug, the actual ostrich farmer, and Mike (not so much an ostrich farmer).1. Doug: Ok, we’re gonna go feed ’em. Watch out for the big black ones.Mike: The big black ones are the males.Doug: Yeah.Mike: They’ll kick ya.
Doug: Uh…and the females…they uh…like to bite.
2. Mike: Why does the ostrich vomit in its drinking water?
Doug: I have no idea why they do that. I think to probably clean their palate?
3. Mike is cleaning out the ostriches water bowls.
Mike: I can’t quite identify the odor.
Doug: It’s unique.
Mike: It’s not crap…which I’m familiar with. It’s something else.
4.Doug: Gives a long explanation about how ostriches dig out their nests, lay their eggs, etc.
Ostrich: Interrupts Doug by stepping on one of its own eggs.
Doug: Ah, shoot.
5.Mike (on seeing the ostrich smash its own egg): They must have very tiny brains, no?
Doug: Ah, about the size of a walnut.
Mike: Their brains are smaller than their eyes.
Ostrich: Bites them.
Now it’s time to collect the eggs.
6.Doug: Now go over there and ask her nice to get up off of those eggs.
Mike: Hey, cupcake. I need your eggs.
Ostrich: Hisses.
Mike: She’s hissin’ at me.
Doug: That’s right. Talk nice.
Mike: Hey, sweetie. Me and Doug were thinkin’ we could maybe run off with your ovum.
Now, in some of the very best moments of television ever filmed, it is time to capture, hood, and herd a group of ostriches onto a horse trailer.
7. Mike listens to Doug’s explanation.
Mike: Well how hard can that be?
The rest of the entire known Universe: Mwaaahaaahaaa!
8. Doug (to Mike): Ok, so you do the grabbing and the hooding.
Mike: OK.
Doug: And I’ll do the pushing.
Steve (with completely unconcealed glee at what is about to transpire): And I’ll operate the door.
Doug: And Steve’ll operate the door.
Mike (ironically): Ok. I don’t see what could possibly go wrong.
9. Doug: There’s that guy over there. He’s a big guy.
Doug (who clearly cannot wait to see what happens next): Walk up and grab it.
10. The ostriches: are seriously pissed off.
The men: approach the group to try and capture one.
Their target: Protests by hurling its entire 250-pound body into the tiny metal fence, which buckles severely under the ostrich’s hostile bulk.
11. Mike (in a futile attempt to hood an ostrich): Now just be cool dude.
12. Doug (as he and Mike are herding a hooded ostrich into the horse trailer): Got a wing…and a tail?
Mike: A wing and a prayer is what I’ve got.
13. Mike (A LOT): Please don’t kill me.
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I’ve never heard of this show…I’ll have to check into it!
Happy TT!
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Laughed out loud at this list! I like that show too, but reading your list made me realize I should watch it more often…
Happy TT!
Interesting post..I will also have to check it out
How funny! I’ve never seen the show but now I may have to check it out! Happy TT!
Never seen it but it sure sounds funny!!
LOL…that is sooo funny…
Mike: Hey, cupcake. I need your eggs.
Ostrich: Hisses.
Mike: She’s hissin’ at me.
LMAO. Great list…I’d like to watch that show but I just think I won’t be able to eat right after…w/c probably won’t happen as I love to eat…but ewww…I just don’t want to see a lot of crap…you know?! LOL. Anyway happy TT, mine’s up, drop by if u can =)
I do watch that show occasionally but usually I can’t stomach it, lol. I did watch the episode where he is helping out at sewage plant, I can’t believe I made it through that one. I have to admit that my favorite was the shark episode, Which is ironic because I am terrified of ’em. Great list! :O)
This is TT list with a difference – I enjoyed reading it
Happy TT 😀
I’ve never heard of this show, but it sounds hilarious and interesting at the same time. Some of those quotes were priceless.
And you described them so well, I can see it happening. Great TT!
That is such a funny show. I don’t know how he does some of that stuff. I would be hurling for sure!
Thanks for visiting me today.
Where have I been? Never heard of it but sounds fabulous!
Hilarious! I have to watch that show. I think im just inherently turned off by watching anyone work….
I LOVE me some Mike Rowe, and I love Dirty Jobs. But can you believe that I have yet to see this episode? so many people say it is the funniest one ever. I have to catch it when it comes on!
That is just hilarious.
thanks for the laugh… #13 “please don’t kill me” I feel a lot like that many days!
Oh goodness, that sounds so LMAO funny. I’ve never watched that show, because honesly, it seems kinda like a “man” show. I bet that one was a hoot though.
I adore Mike Rowe. Even if there was nothing else entertaining about that show, Mike would be reason enough to watch it. He’s this big, strapping, manly guy, and yet he quotes poetry, listens to Beethoven, and has a vocabulary that rivals Roget’s Thesaurus. Not to mention he’s witty and hilarious. Anyone who doesn’t watch that show because it’s kinda… well, gross, should get over it.