Thirteen Quotes From “Friends”Before we get to my list, I just want to note that my second podcast is up. It is entitled, “A Tale of Two Spouses”, and you can listen to it here.
1. Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her [Rachel]. It’s her wedding day.
Joey: What? Like there’s some rule or something?
(from The Pilot)
2. Chandler (RE:TV): Oh, I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding.
(from The One With The Sonogram At The End)
3. Chandler: Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is smoking’s cool and you know it.
(from The One With The Thumb)
4. Monica: Joey. What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: I’d probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey’s dead, then I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh, Joey. (ENUNCIATING) Omnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I’m sorry.
(from The One With George Stephanopoulos)
5. Phoebe and Chandler are at Central Perk together, waiting to break up with their significant others.
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: That’s great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Phoebe: Eehh! I don’t want to do that.
(from The One With The East German Laundry Detergent)
6. Monica: Mom already called this morning. Just to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know that my ears are not my best feature?
Ross: Some days it’s all I can think about.
(from The One Where Nana Dies Twice)
7. Ross (at Carol and Susan’s apartment): Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don’t let you do it.
(from The One Where Underdog Gets Away)
8. Joey: Yeah, He’s gonna keep cheating on my ma, like she wanted. My ma’s gonna keep pretending that she doesn’t know, even though she does. And my little sister Tina can’t see her husband anymore ’cause he got a restraining order-which has nothing to do with anything, except I found out today.
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Walton’s Mountain
(from The One With The Boobies)
9. Janice: By the way Chandler…I cut you out of all my pictures. So, if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler: That’s okay.
Janice: Oh, are you sure? ‘Cause you could make little puppets and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.
(from The One With The Candy Hearts)
10. Joey: Hey, Pheebs, guess who we saw today?
Phoebe: Ooo, ooo, fun. Liam Neeson! Morley Safer! The woman who cuts my hair!
Monica: Okay, look, this could be a really long game.
(from The One With Two Parts, Part One)
11+. Rachel (WAVING A LETTER): I got an interview! I got an interview!
Phoebe/Monica: Oh my God! Where?
Rachel (WITH AWE): Saks. Fifth. Avenue.
Monica (HEARTFELT): Oh, Rachel.
Phoebe: It’s like the mother ship is calling you home.
Chandler (referring to Rachel): Could you want her more?
Ross (ALL INNOCENCE): Who?
Chandler: Dee, the sarcastic sister from What’s Happening!!
Rachel: Guys! Guess what, guess what, guess what?
Chandler: Uh, okay. The fifth dentist caved? Now they’re all recommending Trident?
(from The One With All The Poker)
12. Ross: And you know what the funny thing is, when this day is over, you get to go home with the baby-okay. Where does that leave me?
Susan: You get to be the baby’s father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There’s Father’s Day and Mother’s Day. There’s no…Lesbian Lover’s Day!
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover’s Day!
(from The One With The Birth)
13. Melanie (SNUGGLING UP TO JOEY): There is a little child inside this man.
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he’ll die.
(from The One Where Rachel Finds Out)
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