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Thursday Thirteen #7: 13 Funny Quotes From The Media

September 14, 2006 By Jenny Ryan 40 Comments

Thirteen Funny Quotes From The Media1. “I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?”
-quiz show contestant when asked for the Pope’s religion.2. “If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”
-George Gobel, television personality.

3. “An end is in sight to the severe weather shortage.”
-Ian Macaskill, BBC weather

4. “Tuesday Night at the Movies will be seen on Saturday this week instead of Monday.”
-unidentified television announcer.

5. “Red squirrels…you don’t see many of them since they became extinct.”
-Michael Aspel on British Radio 2

6. “The telephone company is urging people not to use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary, in order to keep the lines open for emergency calls. We’ll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins concert tickets to caller number 95.”
-unidentified radio disc jockey after the 1990 Los Angeles earthquake.

7. “Retraction: The ‘Greek Special’ is a huge, 18-inch pizza and not a huge, 18-inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie’s Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday’s ad may have caused.”
-correction in The Daily Californian

8. “We will now hear, ‘Deck Your Balls with Halls of Helly’…’Deck Your Bells with Balls of Holly’…er…a Christmas selection.”
-BBC radio announcer

9. “The crime bill passed by the senate would reinstate the federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector.”
-Knight Ridder News Service dispatch

10. “As a prize-a beautiful riding mower with optional ass scratcher!”
-announcer on television who meant to say “grass catcher”

11. “Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil…”
-recipie given on television’s The French Chef

12. “Shergar.”
-contestant on the television quiz show, The Weakest Link, when asked which famous racehorse’s name was the word “murder” spelled backwards

13. “The farmers in Annapolis Valley are pleased to announce that this year there will be an abundance of apples. This is particularly good news because most of the farmers haven’t had a good crap in years.”
-unidentified Maryland television news broadcaster

From 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said, ed. by Steven D. Price


Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

(leave your link in comments, I'll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Filed Under: Memes ("Me! Me!s") Tagged With: memes, thursday thirteeen

Comments

  1. Raggedy says

    September 14, 2006 at 9:56 am

    Great list!
    I am laughing so hard here…
    Thanks
    My list is up

  2. Cat. says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:06 am

    These are great. “Shergar”?? ROFL.

    My TT is up too.

  3. Gail says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:21 am

    Hilarious! I like those first 2.

  4. ali says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:30 am

    great list!
    i swear i was going to do something so similar.

    love the jewish pope one!

  5. Lily says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:31 am

    *wipes laughter tears away from eyes* Oh my gosh…this list was so hilarious. The ‘Greek Special’…*laughs again*

  6. Tug says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:48 am

    LOVE these!! #7 cracked me UP!

    Mine’s up also.

  7. John Masters says

    September 14, 2006 at 11:43 am

    These are great. I love inspirational quotes and such, but funny ones are awesome. I’m old enough to actually remember (#2) George Gobel, he was always on one variety show or another in the 60’s-70’s. He was a funny commedian and was actually a very very good jazz guitarist. I saw him play a clear jazz guitar on tv one time that had water in the lower ’bout’ of the guitar and a couple of goldfish. Ya just don’t get entertainment like that anymore.

    Great T13! Mine is up at: http:/jamspeaks.blogspot.com/ if you care to see it.

  8. Cindy Swanson says

    September 14, 2006 at 11:45 am

    Great list! I’m always straining my brain to try to come up with TT’s as good as this one!

    Mine is up (not nearly as good as yours.) 🙂

  9. Colleen Gleason says

    September 14, 2006 at 12:31 pm

    BWAHAHAA! Great list! I particularly loved “the Christmas selection” and the “Tuesday night at the movies” ones.

    Thanks for the laugh.

  10. Sue says

    September 14, 2006 at 12:41 pm

    LOL! Great TT!

  11. Sadie says

    September 14, 2006 at 12:42 pm

    That is an awesome list! Thanks for the laugh!

    My list is up too.

  12. Janet says

    September 14, 2006 at 12:46 pm

    hahahaha I had a hard time getting past #7 ROFLMAO!!!

  13. Caylynn says

    September 14, 2006 at 1:03 pm

    Too funny! LOL! 😀 Thanks for the laugh. 😀

  14. Sarah says

    September 14, 2006 at 1:31 pm

    Haha, I love when they bungle things on TV. 🙂

  15. goofy girl says

    September 14, 2006 at 3:23 pm

    Hahah those quotes are great!!

  16. Zeus says

    September 14, 2006 at 3:27 pm

    Wow. I can’t believe that people actually said this where they could be heard by others on a global level. Talk about “think before you speak”. Too, too funny!

    Happy Thursday, Jenny!

  17. BecK says

    September 14, 2006 at 4:02 pm

    Those are great!
    I love #7 that is hilarious! I wonder how many woman showed up for that!

  18. Miss Britt says

    September 14, 2006 at 4:13 pm

    See THIS is why I should be famous. There is a serious shortage of intelligence in the media. I’m just the voice they’ve been missing. 🙂

  19. Cheysuli says

    September 14, 2006 at 4:38 pm

    As usual, hilarious!

  20. Vicky says

    September 14, 2006 at 5:56 pm

    Too funny!! I think Ian Macaskill, BBC weather, is famous for talking rubbish and as for the one about the 18-inch penis, sorry pizza – well, I actually laughed out loud!! Great list!! Thanks!

  21. PixiePincessMom says

    September 14, 2006 at 7:35 pm

    Hilarious! I laughed the hardest on #6 & 13.

    Thanks for visiting my TT & commenting! I hope you are having a terrific Thursday! 🙂

  22. PaxilPrincess says

    September 14, 2006 at 7:59 pm

    LMAO!!!
    Great and hilarious list!
    Happy Thursday and thanks for stopping by my T13.

  23. ~ Stacy ~ says

    September 14, 2006 at 9:25 pm

    LMAO! Oh my gosh! I wonder how many of these bloopers went completely unnoticed by the bloopee. [heh] Bloopee …I kinda like that term.

    Fun list! Thanks for stopping by my T13 today!

  24. Tinker says

    September 14, 2006 at 9:54 pm

    love that list. lesson: think before we speak!

  25. something blue says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:05 pm

    I love this list. It makes me wonder what was going through the minds of the people who said them. Either it was something juicy or not much at all.

  26. CRSE says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:25 pm

    What an awesome list. Man I would have showed up for number 7 just for the curiosity factor. I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Happy TT!!!

  27. Janene says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:42 pm

    Those are awesome. I loved the “ass scratcher” 🙂 hehe

    Thanks for stopping by my TT! Hope you have a great weekend!

  28. DK Raymer says

    September 14, 2006 at 10:57 pm

    Thanks for the laughs; I so needed that after the week I’ve had! Thanks for dropping by my blog and reading Sam’s list, too. His newfound blog celebrity status is going to his head!
    DK

  29. semitough says

    September 15, 2006 at 12:42 am

    My wife would like to know if she can get the Greek Special delivered.

  30. Brony says

    September 15, 2006 at 1:46 am

    I don’t think my husband appreciated your list. He’s trying to sleep, and I couldn’t help but LOL.

  31. Diane says

    September 15, 2006 at 1:50 am

    They made the media loooked stupid!! Hahaha!

    (Opps, I’m a media student…)

  32. Mary (Mert) says

    September 15, 2006 at 9:25 am

    Thanks for the quotes, I love stuff like that. I think my hsband would love # 10, LOL!

  33. Geekwif says

    September 16, 2006 at 8:43 am

    Those are too dang funny! Classic, every one of them.

  34. Momish says

    September 16, 2006 at 9:48 am

    Too funny! Thanks for the good laugh! I love the last one especially. Cheers!

  35. Julie says

    September 16, 2006 at 12:30 pm

    LMAO! Great list 🙂 I think that #7 has to be my favorite.

  36. LuluBunny says

    September 16, 2006 at 1:39 pm

    VERY FUNNY list 🙂

  37. kristarella says

    September 16, 2006 at 9:39 pm

    Jeepers, bummer for those people whose idiocies are immortalized.

  38. Danielle says

    September 16, 2006 at 10:56 pm

    Those are hilarious, especially the Greek Special!

    Thanks for stopping by–you were exactly right about my age, 1974!

    Have a good weekend

  39. Angelakrempl says

    September 17, 2006 at 3:00 pm

    don’t you just love Julia Child? O wish they would show all of her old shows. She was so amazing and hilarious…

  40. Aloysius says

    September 17, 2006 at 3:05 pm

    I laughed so hard I almost hacked up a hairball.

    Thanks for visiting my blog.

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