Thirteen Things about Jenny Ryan
1. I am afraid to stand behind my car and reach a-l-l the way into the back of the trunk because I know the moment I do, someone will come up behind me, push me in, and lock me in the trunk forever.
2. I am afraid to go to the bathroom during thunderstorms lest the toilet be struck by lightening and render me infertile and unable to ever again enjoy marital relations.
3. I am afraid that if I ever completely finish an entire alcoholic beverage by myself that I will instantly become a raving alcoholic. And so I never ever have.
4. I am terrified of running out of stale bread at the park and being pecked to death by an angry mob of ducks and geese.
5. I am afraid to be outside at night because I am afraid that bats will come and nest in my hair. It doesn’t matter if there are no bats anywhere near me, clearly NIGHTTIME=BATSNESTINGINHAIR TIME
6. I am afraid to call people-any people-on the phone.
7. I used to be afraid to order fast food because I had to talk to people by way of those scary speaker thingies.
8. It occurs to me that I might possibly be afraid of (talking to) people.
9. I am afraid I might somehow read every book in the entire known Universe and one day be left with nothing new to read.
10. I am afraid of imaginary snakes.
11. I am afraid that if I ever resolve all of my issues with my hair and my weight that I will then have nothing to think about all day and thus be r-e-a-l-l-y bored.
12. I am afraid that, when I am walking outside, if I don’t step on exactly the same number of pavement cracks with my right foot as I do with my left foot, that my feet will fall right off and I will have to spend the rest of my life hobbling painfully around on my sad little leg stumps.
13. I am afraid that if I actually reveal these inner workings of my mind on my blog, that I will scare away all of my readers.
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