Today I got an email from my friend, Lani, asking if she could “tag” me to participate in a meme that’s making the blog rounds. In an instant all of the trauma I experienced from being The Outcast Of The Class Of 1990 was totally healed, because I was finally being invited to participate in something that the popular kids were doing!
Up until now the only people who’ve thought I’m cool have been my cats, who express their admiration of my coolness by bringing me their tiny, ragged, crusty cat toys and depositing them at my feet. And I’m pretty sure that’s only because they haven’t yet learned how to open the tub of cat food themselves.
Sometimes my tutoring students think I’m cool, but I’ve found that it’s very easy to shatter that image, as I did today with the following conversation. I was trying to ask my husband for the name of a game, and it went like this:”You know, you were playing it back in October, when I came to visit you on that retreat, and I got in trouble for being there, and you had to get the ninja to do all these things in a certain order, so you could get other things to happen?” Of course he knew exactly what I was talking about. But my student just gave me this look like, “I have seen the future, and now I am very afraid.”
So here we go.
1. Four jobs I’ve had. Well, my work history has been pretty lackluster and boring. So instead, I’m going to do, Four Slogans I Considered And Then Rejected For My Tutoring Business.
-“Jenny Ryan: Shitkicker”
-“Jenny Ryan: What did I just say?”
-Jenny Ryan: Don’t make me kick you”
-“Jenny Ryan: Your notebook makes me want to cry”
2a. Four places I’ve lived (physically).
-Charlotte, NC and Winston-Salem, NC
2b. Four places I’ve lived (existentially).
-state of “big fish in a small pond”
-state of confusion
-state of anxiety
-state of grace
3. Four shows I love
Rachel: Guess what?
Chandler: The fifth dentist caved and now they’re all recommending Trident?
Michael: There’s been a lot of lying in this family.
Lucille (his mother): And a lot of love.
Michael: Hm…more lies.
Dr. Foreman: He probably just moved. Nobody stays perfectly still for their MRI.
House: Yeah, he probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.
Logan (introducing his sister to his girlfriend): ‘Rode hard’, meet ‘put away wet’.
4. Four Places I’ve Vacationed
-San Fransisco, where I met a man who had legally changed his name to “Sunrise Spiritual Harmony”.
-Nags Head, NC (on the Outer Banks), where I had the following conversation as I was trying to keep up with my husband on the beach:
Me: Wait for me. I have short legs.
My husband: That’s why we call you “Stumpy”.
Me: NOBODY’D better call me “Stumpy”!
-Granada, Spain, where I spoke to everyone I met in fluent Spanish, and they insisted on responding to me in English
-Stuttgart, Germany, where my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and I made the following request at a McDonald’s:
“Small Coke, large ice.”
6. Four foods I love.
-regular Coca-Cola, from a soda fountain if possible
-McDonald’s french fries
-regular Lays potato chips
-sweet cream ice cream with MnM’s from Coldstone Creamery
7. Four places I’d rather be instead of here. Truthfully, I’m exactly where I want to be. So instead I’m doing, Four nicknames I’ve been given.
-Jenny Lee Dee
-Jennyer, defined as, “a heightened state of being Jenny”