Yesterday I took a very large step, one that I had been debating for quite some time: I changed banks.

I decided that I was tired of paying the old bank every month just for the privilege of keeping my money there. So I found a new bank that doesn’t do that, which is very nice. Unfortunately, the new bank is located directly across the street from the old bank, a place I’ve frequented for the last 6 1/2 years, where, in the immortal words of Cheers, “everybody knows my name.”

So instead of being able to drift quietly away into my new banking relationship, letting my old bank have the time and space it needs to mourn the end of our association, I am forced to flaunt my new financial partnership in full view of the bank with whom I’ve just broken up.

And to make matters worse, I had to go to the old bank first and take care of some business, and the whole time I was there I just knew that everyone was watching me, knowing exactly what I was about to do.

So here’s how that visit went.

I open the door to the bank.
(I just know that somewhere, the Eagles’ song, “Lyin’ Eyes” has begun to play).

The Bank Teller: “Good morning, Mrs. Ryan”
Me: “Hello”
(“You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes”)

The Bank Teller: “And how are you doing today?”
Me:(shifting anxiously, not willing to meet her eyes) “Oh I’m just fine, thanks.”
(“And your smile is a thin disguise”)

The Bank Teller: “How can I help you today?”
Me: “Um, I just need to make a deposit.” (Please, please, don’t ask me anything else!)
(“I thought by now you’d realize”)

The Bank Teller: “Thanks so much for banking with us.”
Me:(mumbling) “Mmhhmm”
(“There ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes”)

I felt so guilty that I just wanted to yell out, “Please don’t feel bad. It’s not you-it’s me! Except, it is you because you keep taking my money. If you would just stop taking my money then everything would be just fine. But you won’t, and so you’ve forced me to go out and find someone else, someone new, someone who can give me what I really need. So I’m sorry, but it’s over. I’m leaving you.”

Breaking up really is hard to do.