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Yesterday I decided that I had had enough of the muscle in my leg that had been twitching non-stop for two days. Since the “doing nothing” option really hadn’t helped it at all, I thought that maybe doing some yoga and stretching it out might. However practicing yoga always means I need a special strategy for dealing with the cats because, in addition to watching us clip our toenails, yogurt, and swaggering through the house knocking over all our trash cans, they are obsessed with my yoga equipment. I have absolutely no idea why this is; all I know is that there is a substance on earth more seductive and alluring to cats than catnip, and it is The Material That Yoga Mats Are Made Of.
But my practice yesterday was, for some reason, surprisingly cat-free. “How nice,” I thought.
“A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” That was the sound of the Universe laughing, because the Universe knew something that I did not.
Specifically it knew that my husband was about to call me, and that at the exact moment I picked up the phone to hear him tell me that his plane had landed safely in a whole other state, I would see peeking out from under the ottoman the teeny, tiny, terrified head of a lizard that my INDOOR cats had somehow found, caught, and brought inside for a play date.
Fortunately my husband has a PhD in Talking His Hysterical Wife Through Difficult Situations Over The Phone, and was able to guide me through capturing the lizard and releasing it back into the wild. Although I have to say that it pretty much undid all the good relaxation work I had just done in my yoga routine.
And you know how lizards have that defense mechanism where they can detach their tails in order to escape predators? (Important Side Note: Although I have to say, from my extensive experience over the past year, that that feature is apparently completely useless when facing cats.) Well, when I finally got the little guy back outside I noticed that he was very stubby looking, due to the fact that he was missing his entire back end. And I still haven’t found that part of him yet.
But I will definitely be needing something a little more powerful than yoga when I do.