Cranky Fibro Girl

Harnessing the healing power of snark

Why I Should Probably Not Be Invited To Your Next Party

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These days when I’m not on Facebook, I’m over on Ravelry.com, “a knit and crochet community”, seeing as how knitting is my new obsession dearest love.

The other day as I was perusing the message boards I came upon a thread asking the intriguing question, “Has anyone knit the Clapotis?”

Naturally every time I saw this, the only thing I could think was, “That sounds like an extremely painful STD.”

Which was fine to think, but then an important gateway guarding the flow of action between my brain and my fingers broke down, and I actually wrote that on the message board.

(Important Side Note: For which I totally blame the Prednisone. Or actually, the fact that I’m slowly getting off of it. And my system is punishing me for taking away its PRE-SSSHHHUUUSSS!!, because without it I am Cranky McBitchyPants, but as soon as I take my ever-decreasing dose I am In Love With The Entire World. Well, except for the part that projectile-vomits all over the hallway and then wants to sit in my lap. That part’s a little hard to take no matter what I’m on.)

And let me tell you something. Apparently, The Clapotis? Is no laughing matter. Because except for explaining exactly what a Clapotis is (“a wide scarf/small shawl knitted on the bias with columns of dropped stitches that make waves on the purl side of the fabric”, in case you were wondering), no one has written anything else on this thread. And not only that-I’ve managed to shut down communication on the entire board.

Apparently I need to be a little more careful the next time I Use My Powers.

Does This Still Count As Using My Powers For Good?

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Lately I’ve been having a lot of fun playing around on Facebook. I love pimping out my profile with pictures of LOL Cats, badges from my favorite TV shows, and my stats as a Pirate sailing the cyber seas.

But I’ve made a few missteps too, such as declining an invitation from a friend who wanted to turn me into a zombie. Call me crazy but I’m kind of attached to my soul, and I’m really not that keen on becoming a minion of the undead.

Apparently it’s unwise to anger the undead however, because in response to my deciding to maintain my status as a human being my friend dedicated a song to me. And now, prominently displayed on my Facebook profile is the phrase, “Detachable Penis.”

I wasn’t really sure how to react to that, but one of my new friends was very excited. “How could I miss out on adding a friend who has “Detachable Penis” playing?” she asked. “If it weren’t for you, I’d not know this tune existed… and that would be wrong.”

On the one hand I thought, “Cool. Even though I’m in the metaphorical desert, I’m glad to see that I’m still using my powers for good.” And on the other hand I thought, “Hm, how interesting that now this is the kind of thing I’m known for.”

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A Quick Glimpse Into The Male Brain

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I’ve been having a lot of fun lately playing around on Facebook.

The other day I was talking about this with my husband, telling him about all the different applications you can add to your profile.

“There are things that let you do stuff to other people besides ‘poke them’,” I told him. (“Poking” someone is one of the default actions on everyone’s profile along with things like “Send Message” and “View Photos”.) “But I don’t understand why you would want to poke someone in the first place.”

“Really?” he replied. “You don’t?” And then burst into chortling laughter, highly amused.

Um, no, I don’t. Is that like how when women want to share an emotion they will do so with a hug, or a pat on the hand, or possibly a nice note while men, apparently too moved for words, are forced to resort to smacking each other on the ass?