Lately I’ve seen this blogging meme making the rounds where you Google “your name+needs” and then list the first five or so things that come up. Being nothing if not a Shamless Troller For Stuff I Can Write About On My Blog I googled, and I came up with these results:
-Jenny needs a job. (No thanks, I’m good.)
-Jenny needs to find herself a baller. (First, Jenny needs to know what the heck that even means.)
-Jenny needs a cold shower. (Yes, but only because of the fever that’s accompanying this damn strep throat!)
-Jenny needs a smack daddy. (This scares me.)
-Jenny needs attention (Hm, truer words were never spoken.)
-Jenny needs to see herself as a good reader. (Not a problem.)
I had no idea what a baller was (and I’m kind of afraid to know what a smack daddy is), but I wasn’t worried because today I was tutoring the high school student who is my source of knowledge for all things “hip” and current.
“So, what’s a ‘baller’ “, I asked her when she got here.
“Is that a serious question?” she asked in disbelief.(Sarcasm: the price I pay for knowledge.)
When I assured her that it was, she informed me that it had multiple meanings. On the one hand it can apparently mean that “you have pimps and ho’s around you”, or it can mean that you’re really good at something.
“So, you could say that you’re a baller at Spanish. And I? Well I could say that I’m a baller at life.”
We went on with the lesson until we got to a tricky problem involving a certain verb conjugation.
“Why is that the answer?” she demanded, when I corrected her mistake.
“Because [involved grammar explanation that you probably don’t really care about].”
“That really pisses me off!”
“I know. It’s because Spanish is out to get you.”
“Jenny, the whole world is out to get me. I’m a baller at life. That’s just the price I pay.”