Harnessing the healing power of snark
While making my rounds through the Thursday Thirteen, I found this AWESOME post over at Suburban Guerilla that I just had to mention here. He says:
“There are things you see that are imbued with certain qualities while others are not:
Cadillac Escalade = Class
Cast metal, chrome plated bull testicles hanging from your trailer hitch = Not so much.”
So true.
Today the well of entertaining stories is running a little dry, but fortunately I found a post on another blog that so perfectly describes something I routinely experience, I decided to share it here.
First of all, the phrase “tiny cat pants” is, in itself, a totally awesome use of the English language, and I think we should all make a concerted effort to use it as much as possible in our daily conversation.
Second, I myself live with a tiny cat, and I can TOTALLY relate to the phenomenon that Aunt B. describes here in her post, The Tiny Cat Is Made Of Lead”:
“The tiny cat is a tiny cat…Sometimes, though, she can wake you up out of a dead sleep by just stepping on you. It’s as if she can concentrate the mass of a black hole right where her every paw is placed on your skin…It’s very strange, the tiny cat.”
Amen, sister!
We here in blog land are really, really tired. And unfortunately, our tiredness is taking the form of extreme crankiness, irritability, and the occasional blasphemy when our contact lens falls off of our finger and onto the bathroom floor.
So to spare you all the psychic pain of reading the kinds of entries I might write about while in this emotional state, like writing an ode to my new sheets, or forcing you to review the results of all the quizzes I’ve taken at Quiz Farm (“The color that best represents you is yellow”), I have instead found someone who’s written something really funny, and who has graciously allowed me to share it with you here.
Through a long chain of interlocking events involving Marney of Artella and Karen of Square Peg People, I was introduced to Tina M. Marks Shirley of Ready Set Free. There is not enough space here for me to describe the awesomeness that is all of these women, so you will just have to visit their websites and experience them for yourself.
And so, without further ado, we present:
Newsflash – Yoga Takes on New Meaning
Temper Tantrum Tips
by Tina M. Marks Shirley
Helpful yoga tips for handling toddler throwing temper tantrum in grocery store:
Do not panic. Do not panic. Do not panic. Repeat aloud if necessary.
Recall ocean breath and perform five times consecutively.
Close eyes.
Bring awareness inward.
Slowly assume Mountain pose.
Use Witness Body. Mindfully remove yourself from the situation and pretend the child is not yours. View unfolding scene from above. Recall Vajrapradama Mudra – The Mudra of Unshakable Confidence. You are completely unaffected by the overturned cart, mess on the floor, noise, and stares. Remove oneself! Stretch muscles in face to form a disgusted look. Gently guide awareness back into the store. Nod head concurringly to lady standing next to you who remarks, “Oh dear….where is that child’s mother?!” [Read more…] about Guest Blogger: Tina M. Marks Shirley
I found this today at tiggerprr’s scratching post, and it made me laugh so hard that I TOTALLY wish I had thought to say it.
R.I.P. Pluto
“Just how much do you have to suck to get kicked out of the solar system by a bunch of pocket protector wearing rocket scientists?”
I found this poem in an ezine I received earlier this week. It expresses so beautifully what has been coming up for me lately that I just had to share it here.
I Have Learned So Much
I have learned so much from God
That I can no longer call myself
a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Jew.
The Truth has shared so much of itself with me
that I can no longer call myself
a man, a woman, an angel
or even pure soul.
Love has befriended me so completely
It has turned to ash and freed me
of every concept and image
my mind has ever known.
-Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky in the book
The Gift: Poems by Hafiz the Great Sufi Master
While I wouldn’t say that I am highly skilled in all forms of social etiquette, I feel like I at least cover the basics pretty well.
I hand write all of my thank-you notes, making sure to mention by name the item I received, as well as specifically discuss how I am using it in my life. When I am invited to dinner, I ask the hosts what I can bring. When we have company I make sure there are clean sheets and towels, as well as lots of toilet paper in the guest bathroom.
So I usually navigate the waters of social interaction with fairly minimal turbulence. But this weekend I found myself in a situation that pushed my abilities in the social graces to the edge.
My husband and I were invited to be the first dinner guests at the new home of some friends. After presenting them with a housewarming mum and taking a tour of their new place, we sat down to dinner. Once again, I thought I was doing pretty well. Napkin in the lap? Check. Elbows off the table? Check. Not talking with my mouth full? Check.
Apparently I need to pay a lot less attention to these pesky minor details, and a lot more attention to what is going on around me. Because when I finally returned from my little self-congratulatory tour and tuned back in, I realized that the entire table was caught up in a heated discussion involving chimpanzee sex, and its’ biological and ethical implications for all of humankind. And I had no idea what to do.
I felt exactly the same way I did when I was conducting one of my first coaching sessions, and the client mentioned a situation with which I was completely unfamiliar. I was mentally rifling through all of my various manuals in a frantic search for help thinking, “That’s not in here!”
Just to double check I went to the bookstore today and consulted with some of the authorities on etiquette to see what they might have to say about this situation. While I did not find anything that specifically addressed the topic of chimpanzee sex, I did find these helpful conversational-related tidbits.
From Letitia Baldridge: Bad Conversational Moves
Discussing how our society is going to hell. (Good to know).
“So, is it true that your child has________ (fill in the blank with a disease or condition that is life-threatening, and/or has a giant stigma attached to it)?” (Um, are we really at the point where we need a book to tell us that this comment is inappropriate?)
From Miss Manners: Conversation Starters
Dear Miss Manners: What do you consider a good conversational opener?
Gentle Reader: Almost anything except, “I’ve been on a wonderful journey of self-discovery lately, and I’d like to share it with you.”
So now, of course, I totally want to use that in my next conversation. Who’s up for a chat? Anyone…Anyone…?
