Cranky Fibro Girl

Harnessing the healing power of snark

A Little Bit Of Soothing Wednesdays: Exploring The World Of Amnar With Author Isabel Joely Black

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Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when Im having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am OVER THE MOON excited to be hosting author Isabel Joely Black, creator of the world of Amnar, who has currently published three books in the Amnar series: “The Execution“, “The Expulsion“, and “The Inheritor“.

I first discovered Joely and her work about two years ago which was great for me, because it was shortly before that that I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. So I DEFINITELY needed as many soothing things I could find, since that diagnosis pretty much turned my entire life upside down and then shook out all the different parts until there was no possible way of putting them back together again.

I feel like anything I could say about these characters and their stories and this world just pales in comparison to the experience of actually reading the books for yourself. But I’ll give it my best shot before I let Joely take over.

The first thing that is so captivating about this series is the world of Amnar itself. Before she focused all her energies on fiction writing, Joely earned a Ph.D. in geography. So Amnar itself is a character, with continents and civilization and history and cultures and races of people, drawn with just the right amount of detail to make it exceptionally vivid for the reader, without it being overwhelming or tedious (Tom Clancy and Robert Jordan, I’m looking at you).

The second thing I like so much about the series is how the characters are portrayed. They’re very realistic as human beings. I think it’s safe to say that there are some people who are truly evil in these stories. And there are definitely heroes and heroines. But they are believable in those roles because they are just like us-some virtues, some flaws, some knowing exactly what to do, some big mistakes. So, at least for me, it makes it easier for me to believe that I can be brave, virtuous, contributing to the world, too, because they are just like me. Or maybe I am just like them. I definitely know I can (and frequently do) do boneheaded things,but reading about these characters reminds me to remember that, oh yeah, I do a lot of good things too.

So, without any further ado, let me turn things over Joely.

1.Welcome, Joely. I’m so, so excited that you’re here. And I’m so glad I get to pump you for some more information about Amnar, as well as let all my readers know how great the Amnar books are. So for my first question I was wondering-how would you introduce a new reader to the world of Amnar?

You know, I was telling somebody last night that I really struggle with this bit. I don’t have a good “elevator speech” for Amnar worked out, and I fumble around with words whenever somebody asks me. Where do I start with a world I’m so engrossed in, that’s so huge and complex? I think ideally, they would go away and read Amnar: The Inheritor first, and discover it without me actually saying anything, because I think that’s the best way. They wouldn’t have any preconceptions and could allow it to speak for itself.

Usually, that’s not possible, because Amnar isn’t something people just come across unless they know me first. I usually do the traditional pitch thing, where you relate the story to authors already popular in the genre. It has the political complexity of a lot of China Mieville’s work, although not his writing style, and much of the spiritual interest and the fascination with physics and the power of consciousness of Philip Pullman’s Dark Materials series. It’s also got many of the aspects of Ursula le Guin’s sociological perspectives, and the social structure is so different it’s probably a bit like Iain M Banks’s Culture novels.

Or, I could say it’s about a girl – a young woman – working out who she is and whether she agrees with the horrific things she sees going on around her. She makes a choice to take action and save a life, and finds herself swept up in a complex story of destiny, fate and politics. Oh yes, and there are occasionally dragons.

2. You write about some very heavy topics in your current web serial (in addition to being available on Amazon, “The Expulsion” is also being release as a web serial on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays)-rape, torture, despots, persecution and oppression of a marginalized people, etc. What kind of a toll does that take on you? Are there things you do that help balance that out, or help you recover from the time you spend in the dark places?

It can be horrible, I’ll be honest. It’s been hard enough reading about it, especially when I’ve studied experiences from people who lived in China during the Cultural Revolution, or survived the death camps or Stalinism. Writing it is something else altogether, because I’m there being the characters, going through what they’re going through, and I really hurt for them.

Writing much of it has been very tough indeed, and I get very tired after it. When I get through something very tough, like writing scenes with Nenja in them, or the fight scenes, I’ll have to go out for a walk to clear my head. It doesn’t have to be very far, but I really have to get away from the computer when I’ve done something like that, to get back into the real world. Whatever I do, there has to be some moving around.

3.Are you still learning about the Amnar world as you go along, or is it all already mapped out in your head?

Much of it is there, but I am still learning Amnar as I go along. I learn much of it through writing about it, which is probably why I’ve done so many books. I get moments of blinding inspiration where huge chunks all fall into place, and then I have to work out more background. There are always spaces in Amnar that can be worked on or developed.

A lot of the background has come from people asking questions. They want to understand how small details work, and that means I need to come up with an answer. It’s lots of fun, endless research questions, I suppose.

4. Are you ever surprised by anything that happens as you’re writing? Do any characters do unexpected things? Do new characters ever pop up?

Yes, I have been very surprised by things coming up. Maali and Arandes were a surprise that I then had to work out, get right, fit into the rest of the story. Then there are minor stories that come out of nowhere. Nenja and Taani were both born that way – they just emerged as really great characters who had something to add to the whole epic. They’re especially interesting, like Vasha, because they aren’t high up in Amnar at all, and they provide a whole new perspective on the world.5.What are some of the things you most enjoy about getting to work/play in the world of Amnar?

I love it when I work things out. I use levels when I’m planning Amnar, whether something works at the level of Isha or the level of, say, Nenja. Sometimes, I’ll get something that ties it all together, something that makes everything fit. These are usually very sudden, and quite rare. Then I have to sit and write it all out so I understand what’s going on. I love that.

I do love the process of just writing it, the interactions between characters, putting together action sequences, that kind of thing. Being able to get on with it without anything else getting in the way, that’s wonderful.

6. Are there things that frustrate you as well?

I think the whole publishing side of it has been the frustrating part, because that’s made me feel bad toward Amnar itself, and at times I’ve wished I never thought it up. If I talk about Amnar, people inevitably want to know why I’m publishing it this way instead of that, and it’s very tiring having to go through the whole thirteen-year thing with everybody new. I could just not talk about it, but because it’s a big part of my life, it’s not as though I can pretend it’s not there. I’ve been held up by being ill for two years with a long history of difficulties, and it annoys me when that gets in the way of being able to write.

7.Is there a question you would LIKE to be asked about Amnar or your work that no one ever asks, or something you would like to talk about that never comes up in any interviews?

This is a hard one, especially after three weeks of blog touring, and being asked some real doozies along the way. My favourite questions are always reader questions. I love it when a reader comes back to me and says “What’s going on here?” or “Can you explain about the…?” This doesn’t happen in interviews because it’s not really relevant, and they’re supposed to be about me and what I’m doing with Amnar, not the nitty gritty of the world, but that’s what I like answering the most.
Once an academic with a fascination for everything from volcanoes to old diaries, she lives to create one big fantasy world for people to play in. When not writing, she likes Chinese food, talking, and dancing. She drinks Lady Grey tea, probably too much. In addition to her website, Joely can be found tweeting as @TheCharmQuark on Twitter.

A Little Bit Of Soothing On Thursday, Not Wednesday, Because This Week All My Doctors Made Me Cry: EFT Practitioner Lynne Morrell on “What Healing Looks Like”

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Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I”m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am REALLY excited to be hosting Lynne Morrell, EFT Practitioner and Personal Life Coach.

Lynne might already be familiar to you, as I have worked with her for almost 7 years now as my coach/mentor/energy worker/older sister/the one who busts me when I slip into being “a lying sack of shit”/person who gives me a good kick in the ass when I need it/and very, very dear friend, and have mentioned her approximately 8 billion times here on this blog.

Besides being incredibly, amazingly awesome at her job, wonderfully irreverent, and deeply compassionate, Lynne has also been dealing with a chronic illness for the past few years. So when I tell her that I feel like I’ve been dragged over asphalt, and then run over by a truck all night and that the pain is so bad that I expect flames to burst from my skin at any moment, she actually understands, all the way down to her bones, EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. There are no words that can express what a gift that is.

She has also helped me deal with the mental and emotional consequences of living with chronic pain and illness, and to shift the thoughts and stories I’ve been telling myself into new thoughts and stories that are more supportive and gentle.

For example, one of the things she reminds me of (even though it makes me want to punch her in the face when she says it :P) whenever I’m in a place like I just described is, “This is what having a chronic illness looks like.”

She also talks about how things like LOA, Abraham-Hicks, all that kind of stuff really can’t even be in the same conversation with me when I’m really sick. Instead, she talks about bridging the little gaps that are available to me at that time with question like, “What would make you feel a little bit more comfortable right now?  and, “What would feel just a little bit more soothing and gentle?”

And one of the most helpful things I’ve learned from her is the fact that  “Healing looks like a lot of different things.”

She wrote a fantastic post on this subject, and that is what I’d like to share as today’s Little Bit Of Soothing. I hope it helps things feel just a little bit gentler and softer as it has for me.

Healing Looks Like Many Things!

I am back from our fabulous vacation. My fella and I went to Carmel for a beautiful wedding and visited with many old friends. Then we cruised on up the road and stopped to play on our favorite beaches. We had a great time. The most amazing part of all of this, besides seeing old friends and being by the ocean, was that I was out of pain. No pain. None. Nada. All gone!!!

I was able to sit, walk, twirl, cartwheel, be in the sun, be in the heat, pick up luggage, put luggage down…oh my…the list goes on and on…it was fantastic.

*Note to self: Send surgeon a bouquet of flowers and my first born son as a thank you!

I am in awe that this nightmare is over. 5 years of pain. 5 YEARS!!!!! All gone…in a blink of an eye. Well, not really a blink of an eye….if so, that was a L-O-N-G blink!

But, I must say here…that I am one of the lucky ones…not everyone gets out of pain. How come me? and not all of the other folks I know and work with that have chronic pain? I don’t have the answer to that…all I can say is that healing looks like many things.

During my journey…healing took on many forms. During that 5 years, healing did not look like “no symptoms”. Just the opposite. Healing looked like many symptoms. Healing looked like despair. Healing looked like fear. Healing looked like hope. Healing looked like peace. Healing looked like watching a hellava lotta decorating shows. Healing looked like watching a ton of movies. Healing looked like tears and laughter.

It was resistance and it was being in the flow.

It was everything and nothing.

Healing takes on many forms.

It can be a very bumpy ride.

I am not just talking about healing physical blips. I am also talking about emotional wounds and traumas. Our lives are not linear and neither is our healing. So, where ever you are on this journey called life, I want to give you permission to find peace with where you are right now. This is not the same as staying where you are in your life. It is more about releasing the resistance to where you are….peace and resistance can’t live in the same place. If you have some peace…you have released some resistance. If you have much peace…you have released much resistance.

Once resistance has been softened, there is more room for your body and your heart to do what it does best.

What does it do best?

Heal!

And remember….healing looks like many things.

(Copyright 2008, Lynne Morrell)

A Little Bit Of Soothing Wednesdays, On Thursday This Week: Biting The Candy With Cairene MacDonald

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Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I”m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am REALLY excited to be hosting Cairene MacDonald of Third Hand Works.

Specifically, I asked her to talk about her program, “Bite The Candy“, which has helped me FINALLY make progress on whatever icky, blech things that are currently on my To Do list, things on which I am absolutely no progress whatsoever on my own. Welcome, Cairene!

1. You know I am a raving fan of Bite the Candy ever since I signed up for my first one last year, and now I just want to be a Bite the Candy Missionary so that everyone can receive the help and support that I have with those extra-sticky projects.

Can you tell us where the idea came from, and explain the metaphor behind the title?

The idea for Bite the Candy came from an event that was hosted by a virtual assistance organization in which I was a member way back when I first became self-employed. It was called the “If I Only Had an Hour” Game and its basic structure was much the same as BTC. It sounded like a ton of fun, and people got great results, but I never got around to participating because it lasted for five hours. On Friday afternoon. Not my idea of a great transition into the weekend.

After I shifted from support services to teaching, I wanted to offer a way to help people learn to work through their procrastination and complete tasks they’ve put off. Inspired by what I imagined the Game to be like, and other superb examples like Jen Hofmann’s Office Spa Days, Bite the Candy was born.

Except it wasn’t called Bite the Candy back then. It was called Get in Gear Fridays.

lesson-learned #1: Three hours on a Friday morning isn’t any better than five hours on a Friday afternoon.

lesson-learned #2: It’s not about getting yourself in gear.

Besides the timing being off, the name sounded much too naggy – like your mom asking you for the umpteenth time to clean your room.

And it didn’t at all describe what I discovered to be the key to finishing the sorts of odious chores that tend to drop to the bottom of our to-do lists.

I noticed what makes doing these sorts of tasks so difficult is not the work itself – these jobs are often quite straightforward – it’s coping with the excessive chatter of one’s Hurried-Worried Mind Hamster while trying to do that work.

The longer I’ve put something off, the more stories my hamster has to distract me with. There are layers and layers and layers of stories: my excuses for not doing it in the first place, guilt about not having done it long ago, and so forth. Yet at the center remains the inherent goodness of doing the thing.

That reminded me of tootsie pops.

And we all know there are two ways to eat a tootsie pop: you can slowly lick your way to the center or you can just bite the candy and enjoy it now.

It turns out the key to moving through procrastination is being able to move through your stories. It’s not enough to say “now is the moment” because when you show up to do the thing, all the ick about doing it is there to meet you. But if you know techniques for navigating that resistance, you can set aside those stories and just get the thing done already – without willpower or navel-gazing – and have fun doing it.

2. Do you participate in the sessions too, or just host them? What kinds of things have you worked on during BTC?

As you know, finishing something you’re not thrilled to be doing requires skillful management of your energy. Leading the group also requires energy, but of a contrasting type. So I’ve had to learn over time which sorts of tasks don’t interfere with my ability to create a positive experience for participants.

After a lot of experimentation, I’ve found the best way for me to use sessions is to work on the administration of BTC itself and make sure all the little backend details have been taken care of for future sessions.

If that work is already finished, tasks on my to-do list right now that I’d bring to the party are things like…

  • deleting and archiving files on my old computer in prep for moving only what I need to my new computer
  • cleaning up my web hosting account and domain registrations
  • completing the paperwork for local taxes
  • processing the random/non-urgent personal mail that needs a response
  • filing the piles of paper that have accumulated in my office

Reducing and organizing paper piles and clearing other forms of clutter are always popular choices. You could work on getting your inbox to zero (or just to less than 100). This is also a great opportunity to document or update your systems.

I award a million points (in a game where the points don’t matter) to anyone who takes on anything involving a financial institution, government agency, insurance company or technological help desk.

It’s also becoming more common for people to bring project work, like updating web copy or writing a chapter of an ebook – not necessarily because they’ve been procrastinating on doing it, but because they want the extra structure and support to complete a challenging task.

Really, there’s no limit to what you can bring to Bite the Candy.

3. I know that another part of your work is helping create systems and organization with clients who you refer to as “right-brained.” What kind of people are you talking about here?

By “right-brained” (which is something of an archaic term – we all use our whole brains – it’s just a handy way to refer to a set of traits), I’m talking about people who generally prefer…

  • imagery and words over numbers and lists
  • connections and relationships over sorting and ranking
  • synergy over compartmentalization
  • intuition over logic and analysis
  • rhythm and pattern over rote repetition and routine
  • flexibility and spontaneity over rigid structures

If you are such a person, most readily available time-management and organizational systems aren’t much help because they are designed for more linear thinkers.

I’m in the business of helping right-brainers discover and develop alternative organizational systems that work the way their brains work – so they can get the important things that need doing done without wasting time and energy trying to be someone they’re not.

4. As everyone knows, there are about a billion “experts” out there who claim to have the latest, one-size-fits-all, magic bullet program to help us with our organizational problems. But unfortunately we also all know how a lot of those programs tend to be bossy and yell-ey and judgmental, and how they actually end up making us feel worse because we blame ourselves when they don’t work for us.

In keeping with the soothing theme, how do you help soothe a client who comes to you from this beaten-up, self-hating place?

It’s heartbreaking to me that people end up feeling like such failures for not being able to work or live in ways that are incompatible with their innate preferences and tendencies.

If you’re in that beaten-up, self-hating place, here’s what I want you to know:

  • There are as many valid ways of being and doing as there are people in the world. One-size-fits-all is total BS.
  • There isn’t anything about the way you are wired that will prevent you from finding a way of organizing yourself that feels natural and allows you to be successful.
  • Making desired changes in your life does not require violence, force or any form of so-called “ass kicking.” You’ll get better results more quickly from lovin’ yourself up as much as you can.

It’s much easier to figure out what actually works for you when you start from a place of self-acceptance – though that isn’t always easy to remember. I have to remind myself all the time that I don’t need change myself, only the way I’m doing things.

5. Are there any new products or special events happening at Third Hand Works that you’d like to tell us about?

Of course, your readers are warmly invited to bring their own extra-sticky projects to BTC and try it for themselves. Bite the Candy sessions are held the last Thursday of each month and you can register here.

Also, from now through June, I’m working in my Incubator to revise and update my library of systems and techniques, including a program with the working title of How to Finish Anything. It explains, well, how to finish anything – from small tasks to big projects, ordinary or extra-sticky. Look for that this summer. Or, if that’s too long a wait, folks can still join the Incubator and get in on the beta goodness until April 8. Details and registration are here.

Cairene loves helping people like you find the right-relationship with the administrative side of their creative businesses.

A Little Bit Of Soothing Wednesdays: “Take That Nap” with Zen At Play

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Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I”m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am REALLY excited to be hosting Lisa Baldwin of Zen At Play.

She has written a delightful little e-book called “Take That Nap” which she describes as “a (short) guide to getting good stuff done (gently)”, and she has kindly agreed to visit us here today at Cranky Fibro Girl to tell us a little more about the book and what she does in her work. Welcome, Lisa!

1. First of all, I need to mention JUST HOW MUCH I have needed this e-book, and how it appeared at just the right time for me. And it has a very special place right next to my desk so I see it all the time and remember to use the tools it contains.So I was wondering, was the book something that developed over time, or did it just appear in a flash one day.  For example, had you been using these tools with yourself and/or others for a while, and then you wrote “Take That Nap” as a way to collect them all in one place?

The writing of the book itself was very fast once I recognised what it needed to be, but it had been a work in progress long before I showed up to write it.

There’s a chapter about practicing self-kindness when things go very wrong, and that one was a surprise. I was in Burma by accident, completely unprepared, hovering on the brink of disaster with nothing but my lack of planning to blame. It was the perfect opportunity to beat myself up, yet I was delighted to notice that I wasn’t giving myself a hard time about it at all. Kindness had become my default response. Huge! So the chapter was right there in the moment – I wrote about it as I experienced it – and in that respect it arrived in a flash, but it also came from the years I’d spent being horribly unkind to myself.

So you could say that the book came in a flash, and was also a long time coming

2.I love that you close every chapter with a couple of “curly questions”. Could you tell us a little more about them? I especially love them because they are so much gentler than the kind of questions or exercises you find in “personal growth” or “self-help” books, that are always pushing you to “Take action now!”, and “Go! Do! Reach farther and harder! Push yourself out of your comfort zone!” Those just feel so violent to me, whereas curly questions feel gentle and soothing and supportive.

Violent self-help? Blech. Yes. Some people respond well to push-shove motivation techniques. Others don’t respond well to that kind of thing at all, but are convinced that’s because they’re faulty in some way.

Take That Nap begins and ends with the idea that you are not your enemy, and you don’t need fixing.  Sometimes we pretend we’re asking questions, but they’re really just “kick me” signs in disguise – variations of “why do I suck so much?” Instead, we have the option to get curious, practice listening and trust our own judgment.  Helpful questions are the ones that spark curiosity and open up possibilities – if you feel attacked by your own line of questioning, it’s time to choose a new angle.

3. The theme of gentleness and kindness toward yourself runs throughout the book, and I was especially caught by how you applied it to the idea of having to choose where you are going to focus in any given moment, acknowledging that there are limitations that we must work within, and that we will feel sadness at times because there are some things we might just not get to in this lifetime. It was such a relief to read that, actually, after constantly being bombarded by books, magazines, info products and other things that constantly yell about how we can “Have it all!”, and “Have it all RIGHT NOW!”. And that if we don’t want it all, then there is something wrong with us.  Could you talk a bit more about this idea of how this idea of limits and containers can actually be something that be helpful, and make us feel better, and help us get to the things we actually want to do?

“All” is a big thing to have or want, yes? Too big.

Containment is a way to create a sense of safety within the impossible vastness of possibility. That sense of safety can invite innovation and imagination – this is how two sticks become fire or percussion.

When there are too many options, too much open-endedness, we end up feeling overwhelmed and scattered. We’re never doing enough, because there is always more that could be done. Right-sized containers give us something to work within, by choice or necessity, and that can lessen the pressure if we let it. If I can accept that I only have a certain amount of time and energy available, then I can lean in and work with it instead of struggling against it. That’s an act of self-care right there.

4. Could you give us an example or two of how you use some of your own tools? And, perhaps even more importantly, how you REMEMBER to use them? I tend to have a lot of “amnesia” when it comes to remembering how to take care of myself.

I used all of my tools to write Take That Nap. It wouldn’t exist otherwise. The chapters were all written in 45-minute bursts, index cards helped me keep tabs on the idea fairies, I worked in the mornings so I could nap or do nothing when the afternoon heat kicked in, and I contained my internet time.

Do I always remember to do that stuff? Nope. I forget regularly. The practice is in remembering sooner than I did last time, and in being curious about the places where self-care gives way. Each time we remember again, we’re loosening our grip on our less helpful ways of doing. That’s progress, and that’s useful.

There are practical ways to remember – that’s what Post-It notes are for. At the same time, there is good juice in noticing where we create suffering for ourselves, and then adjusting accordingly, again and again. You are not failing at self-care if you forget sometimes. Notice, adjust, notice again. Gently does it

5. Thank you so much for visiting with me and Cranky Fibro Girl today. And finally, can I just say that I absolutely LOVE your bio: “Prolific ponderer. Kindness Enthusiast. Playful Budhhist with a passport and a pencil”.  Can you give us a hint of what you might be “prolifically pondering”, and where your passport and your pencil might be taking you next?

I ponder all kinds of things, all of the time. It’s really quite ridiculous. Right now, my pencil and my ponderings have me gathering notes for more short, gentle books. I’m curious to see which one will be the first to show up as finished.

As for me and my passport, well, we’re about to get busy. Take That Nap was launched from Burma, and it’s quite possible that I’ll be in India when I release my next collection of ponderings out into the world. That would be wonderful.

Lisa Baldwin. Prolific ponderer. Hopeful adventurer. Writer of short things. In love with kindness and the creative impulse. A playful Buddhist with a passport and a pencil. Kiwi, yet neither bird nor fruit. Hello!

A-Little-Bit-Of-Soothing-Wednesdays: Shannon Wilkinson And Change Without Augers (Or Sledgehammers, Or Never-Ending Naval Gazing, Or-Well, You Get The Picture)

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Today, in the second installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I”m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am REALLY excited to be hosting Shannon Wilkinson of “Your Life-Inspired”.

I have known Shannon online for a couple of years now, but last month when I was in Portland I got to meet her in person, and I was not at all surprised to find out that she is even cooler in person than she is online.

So without further ado, let me step back and let Shannon take the floor.

Welcome, Shannon! I’m so grateful that you were willing to take the time to come and visit with us today.

So, Shannon:

1. One of the services you offer your clients is something called NLP. Having worked with a coach for many years, (and actually being a secret Certified Life Coach myself), I have heard a lot about NLP, but I’ve never really felt like I had a clear idea of exactly what it is. Could you tell us more about it?

I’m not surprised that you don’t have a clearer understanding about it, it can be hard for me to define succinctly, and I’m a certified NLP Trainer! I think it’s especially confusing because while NLP is really about the study of excellence and subjective experience, most people think of it as the many techniques and patterns that have come out of the modeling process.

Oh, and the names. The names are just horrible, starting with Neuro-Linguistic Programming! It was coined in the 1970’s when computers were really starting to excite people. The developers thought of NLP as a User’s Guide for the software of your mind and behavior. But when you break down the name, it’s about how thought (“neuro”) and language (“linguistic”) affect one another and behaviors (“programming”).

So, what is it? NLP is the study of how you experience the world and do things, from how you do the things you do really well naturally (learn languages, empathize with others) to how you do the things you’d rather not do (get angry, bite your nails).

There’s a systematic process for figuring out how someone does something really well, breaking it down into steps and recreating the results. And to know that you really have it figured out, teaching the process to someone else. This is how I learned to break a board after five minutes of training as opposed to the years it might take in traditional martial arts training. And could then teach someone else to break a board in the same way.

The other part of NLP, and probably more familiar, is the many techniques and processes that came out of modeling people. The first three people modeled by the founders of NLP were outstanding therapists: Virginia Satir, Fritz Perls and Milton Erickson. So lots of techniques that these therapists used were identified, modeled and taught to others.

There’s a model of asking questions that makes things more specific and precise, there’s a model that makes things more broad and abstract. There are techniques to change your perceptions and feelings about things, including a phobia cure, allergy relief and creativity. There are questions to understand how you think the way you do, and what that means. These are what most people think of when they think of NLP.

2. Wow. That’s really interesting. So could you tell us how you use NLP to help people work through their hard/stuck/painful stuff? What are some of the results that your clients have experienced?

The spirit of NLP infuses everything I do with clients, from fear taming, where I help a client transform fears that are keeping them stuck, to genius discovery, where we figure out someone’s unique superpowers and gifts and apply them in other parts of their life.

Essentially I ask questions, notice patterns and help unleash my client’s natural brilliance in making changes that let them feel good and do what they want to do. The whole thing feels like a conversation to the client, yet I’m using language specifically to engage a person’s unconscious mind and shift the way they they’ve been thinking, from what’s keeping them stuck, to a new way of thinking that gets them what they want.

The most common result is a sense of ease around something that was previously fraught with angst or other troubling emotions. Lots of clients have come back to me in disbelief and said, “it’s so weird, it’s just not an issue anymore.”

The other thing that’s pretty common, is for clients to come with one issue, and they not only get the changes they wanted there, but other problems shift magically as well.

3.  One of my favorite things that you’ve done is the “Boring Change: No Augers Required” kit, especially since it fits in so perfectly with the “soothing” theme of this series. Can you tell us a little bit about how this product is different than some of the other self-help/personal growth products out there?

The Boring Change kit is the ultimate in stress-free change. There’s lots of information in the kit, but basically the right way to do it is to be guided through the five-minute process and then forget about it. There are no SMART goals to set, no forced accountability, no rehashing the past to get to the root cause of why you do what you don’t want to do, simply a short process that gets your unconscious mind on board with what your conscious mind wants. The change happens automagically. What could be a more soothing?

The other thing that’s great about Boring Change is that you can use it over and over for a wide range of issues. People have had success using it for procrastination, money issues, weight loss, jet lag, public speaking, nail biting, compulsive email checking, and relationship problems. I’ve even used it for acclimating more easily to extreme temperatures while mountain climbing. If you can name your issue, you can make a difference with Boring Change. It also can be really supportive when you’re trying to make big purposeful changes in your life.

4.   And of course, no interview with you could be complete without mentioning the Hypnosis Recordings + Lotion Potion Alchemy set that you collaborated on with Heidi and The Aardvark, who were featured in the inaugural post of this series. This is one of best things I have ever bought to help me take care of myself, and I have received no end of soothing and comfort from it. Can you tell us a little bit about how your collaboration came about, and what kind of results you hope that people get from using the recording and lotions together?

I’m so happy to hear that it’s been helpful to you! What a dream project it was working with Heidi and The Aardvark.

It happened because I’d been wanting to make some hypnosis recordings, but wasn’t sure what would be most useful. Then I bought the Aardvark Essentials Potion Sampler set and was wowed by the different potions. It occurred to me that it would create some amazing synergy to have a recording guide you in accessing the qualities evoked by each potion. I emailed Heidi, we chatted and the Audio + Potion Alchemy was born. It got really fun when we enlisted the help of readers to vote for the potions that would get a hypnosis recording.

The results are unique to each potion + recording combination:

  • Night Queen is to develop your confident passion
  • Losing It helps you calm the heck down in moments of overwhelm and fear
  • Sassypants helps you live your truth, without worrying about the world’s approval

Heidi’s potions are wonderful on their own, and my hypnosis recordings can really help you make changes in how you feel, but when you put them together, and get the primal sense of smell working together with your unconscious mind? Wow. Powerful good stuff. They get different parts of your brain working together to create an experience that’s hard to describe.

5. Thank you so much for visiting with me and Cranky Fibro Girl today! Before we go, is there anything coming up in the near future, any project you’re working on that you want mention?

It’s such a pleasure to be here Jenny! Thanks for having me, and for asking about my future stuff.

I’m crazy excited about a new coaching program called You Creating You. It brings together all the best stuff I use with my clients to help them bring their (secret) dreams into reality. You know, the stuff that you don’t hardly even want to admit to yourself, the things that you dismiss out of hand, because it’s not possible for you? Yeah, that stuff!

It’s happening in conjunction with the creation of a new online home for me. If you or your readers want to know when it’s all ready, get on the list (http://www.shannonwilkinson.com/newsletter/) and you’ll be one of the first to know. Plus when you sign up, you’ll get a soothing five-minute audio you can use right now.

In addition to being one of our favorite people ever, Shannon is a life coach who uses NLP and hypnosis (plus her general, plentiful smartnesses) to help others find clarity and make positive changes. She is a lifelong entrepreneur who has been self-employed since 1996.

We’ve heard Shannon refer to herself as the “Boring Life Coach.” Well, when she’s not off climbing mountains, that is. (Sorry, Dear ~ We’re not buying the boring bit.)

One of her core messages is that change doesn’t have to be angsty, drama-filled work. That it can be gentle and slow, and so easy it feels boring. No auger required. Aha! Now that’s the kind of boring we can get behind. We’re so happy Shannon is here today! (Bio courtesy of Eileen and Brianna of the Hopscotch Distillery. I couldn’t have said it better than this!)

A-Little-Bit-Of-Soothing Wednesdays: Heidi And The Aardvark Pay Us A Visit

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I’ve decided to add a little something new here to the Realm of Cranky Fibro Girl, and that is to occasionally share with you things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I”m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day.

So the first treasure I have to share with you comes from my friend, Heidi Fischbach, of Aardvark Essentials: Lotions And Potions For Mixed Up Emotions, both of whom have graciously agreed to visit us here today. Welcome! Thank you both for taking the time to come and visit with us!

So, Heidi:

1. Could you tell us a little bit about how The Aardvark showed up in your life?

Oh yes. Before he became The Aardvark, he was just an aardvark who visited my dream one night and bit me. That’s right! I’d been trying to give him the slip, having much more important things to worry about thankyouverymuch, and finally, apparently reeeally wanting my attention, he jumped up and bit my hand. Just like freaking that. It definitely made me stop and listen.

I was feeling rather overwhelmed and discouraged at the time. I’d been playing with this idea of making lotions and potions for mixed up emotions for several months. My kitchen table looked like a lab, full of pipettes and droppers and vials in which I mixed and tested out different essential oil blends. My desk and bedside table looked like a messy library, with stacks of books about essential oil mixage and therapeutic qualities of plants. My sink was about as slick as an oil spill, from washing and rewashing utensils I’d used to mix all the oils and butters in the potion base cream.

And then doubt kicked in. “Whoever would want this silliness you so love?” it said. And then exhaustion: “It’s too much work,” it said. And fear: “You will fail. It’s stoopid.”

In the midst of all that, this aardvark appeared, and with that bite he said: “Heidi! You’re looking at everything that’s hard and believing all your thoughts about how you are just one girl and alone and you can’t do this and blah blah blah but, excuse me! It’s just not true. Keep at it. Do eet! Do this thing already!”

And so we did. He and I, with the encouragement and cheering of friends and amazing people, especially the lovely biggifier of little people with big (or little!) dreams, Havi Brooks, and her business partner, Selma the duck, who, incidentally, made it feel not only OK but the most natural thing in the world to take on an imaginary aardvark as a business partner.

The Aardvark–or Mr. Aardvark, or Messieur Aardvark (when he’s looking sophisticated and sporting his monocle), or as some of my customers like to call him, Aardie or Mr. A– balances me out. He’s the smart when I’m confused. He’s in-the-moment –as all animals are– when I’ve gone and lost my senses. He’s the calm to my panic. He is so not easily ruffled. “Enh, what’s a glitch!” he’ll say. He has a thick skin where I am sensitive, and, to top it all off, he has the keenest sense of smell ever.

In a word, the Aardvark is perfect and, as it turns out, my customers adore him. Indeed, a few (ahem!) have admitted to having a crush on him. Recently I got an email from a customer in the Netherlands. She said: “The Aardvark looks even better in person than he does on the website.” Probably she saw him in decked out all a-la-Snoopy in his bomber jacket and flying goggles that he wears to make his world-wide deliveries in the little World War II era propeller plane he flies.

2. Can you tell us a little more about being a “mood detective”?

I’d love to. It’s kind of like this: You have a body. And you have a mind. But they don’t always get along, right? That’s where a mood detective can help.

I started learning to be a mood detective some 20 years ago when desperation and imagination got together for me. They said, “we’ve got to help this girl or she will be lost.”

I had mega body things, including a big eating disorder and a very distorted and negative view of my body. I also had big emotional and mood things. I was anxious all the time. I had fantasies of being dead, which, in my sad state of mind I thought, would surely be better than how things were. In short, I felt at the mercy of very hard things and my body and my mind were at war.

At some point, by some grace, I became curious and I started to look inside for answers, whereas before I’d always–as I think most of us start off doing, especially when we are young–looked to others. I had wanted some teacher to give me The Answer, some expert to just tell me what to do. I wanted someone to save me. I wanted a magic pill.

In the last several years I have begun honing those mood detective skillz in my massage therapy work. I keep noticing that our bodies express our unacknowledged emotions and stuff for us. They try to get our attention. Those kinks in our shoulder? Those achy necks? That pain in the butt? That rumbly upset tummy? They are, in effect, trying to help us. When seen this way, our bodies can become our closest, most dependable allies.

But if someone has no idea how to look inside, how to listen, it can be hard. I help people do that, and “Mood Detective” is my playful name for what I do.

3. What, actually, do you do (as a mood detective)?

Most likely it starts with you telling me why you’ve come: what’s hard… what’s not working… what’s keeping you up at night… where it hurts… since when… basically, what it’s like to be you, in your body, in your life.

I listen and follow your clues. And you start learning how to listen and follow your body’s clues. Bodies are no different than any of us. They want to be heard. To be understood. They want for us to get–really get!–what’s going on inside us.

We don’t listen for many reasons. For one, we don’t know how. We aren’t taught, in school or at home, to listen. Mostly we are taught to have opinions and to make conclusions. And to defend ourselves. Unsurprisingly then, listening is not second nature. Actually, though, it’s quite simple once you set it as an intention. And believe me, once you start experiencing the magic that is listening, you will be setting that intention every day.

Oh my. I really could go on and on about this. I hope that answered your question at least a bit. I am thinking about this a lot these days because it’s something that, until now, I’ve only practiced on myself and with my massage therapy clients. But soon I will begin offering this to people who can’t, for whatever reason, visit me in person. It will also be part of a new, exciting potion thing I’m going to do.

4. What are some ways that you use your lotions and potions?

In the day to day, I use potions in a cream base in my massage therapy practice. I love their non-slippery glide on the skin and my clients love that they feel moisturized but not greasy when they leave.

I use them personally as moisturizer pretty much every day, including on my neck and face. (Especially in winter!) Shea butter and jojoba oil are fantastic and natural botanical substances, full of vitamins and antioxidants. I like the fact that a little goes a long way and that they don’t stain. Warm water and soap will get them off of bed linens or clothes.

In their magical way, which is what sets potions aside from a bazillion other moisturizers, I use them when I need help with the hard stuff. For example, Losing It is great for overwhelm or anxiety, and Night Queen is perfect when I need a shot of confidence. She helps me embody sovereignty. Ease, Please! is for when I feel tied up in knots in my shoulders or in my head; and I’ve Had It! is for when I’m exhausted. Sassypants helps me speak up already; Chocolita is sweetness, minus the sugar; Cha Cha Chai gets my butt in motion; and Up & at ’em! wakes me up and helps me see with new eyes.

Every single Aardvark Essentials potion is created in response to something hard I have struggled with and become curious about.

5. You keep mentioning curiosity. Can you tell us what it has to do with your potions?

Everything. Actually, I’m going to tell you a secret. Curiosity is the most powerful magic in Aardvark Essentials potions. Curiosity allows things to change in a kind, fun and playful way. Once I invoke the magic of curiosity, my awareness about whatever it is –in this case the hard thing– grows. Then, as I notice more about said hard thing in myself, I also start listening for how my clients and friends struggle with that thing. I especially pay attention to what people say after the words “I need ___.”

As I get curiouser, I also get more sensitive to that thing. I start seeing it everywhere! All the while I’m doing a kind of curiosity field work: What is that hard thing really about? Is there something under it? Is it covering something else? How does that hard thing express itself in our bodies? What does it most want? What does that hard thing keep saying over and over again? Clearly, it’s not been heard. Not yet. So I listen. I want to understand. All of that goes into the making of a magic potion.

Then, after all that curiosity field work, it’s finally time to mix essential oils into what becomes an actual magic potion in a material form we can use. Of course, aromatherapy–the use of essential oils for therapeutic effect–is thousands of years old as a healing practice. And not for nothing is it still around. Plants have powerful healing properties, and our sense of smell is the most primal of our senses. When we smell something it bypasses the think-y, rational part of our brain and goes straight for the limbic brain, which is, basically, our emotional processing plant. So yes, scents, in this way, can be used to powerful effect.

6. Can you give us a sneak peek at any new products that might be coming up in the near future?

Yes! Custom-made potions! A number of customers have been asking me to develop a potion just for them, for the specifics of their stuff. So yay! Custom-made potions will be coming up, uh… soonishly. And yes, I definitely foresee mad use of mood detective skillz in the making of them: people will tell me what is happening for them, what they want, what is hard, what smells they love, which ones not so much, etc etc… and then Mr. Aardvark and I will go to work to play concocting a potion with tailor-made, just-for-you magics.

Also, there will be Pulse Point Potions. Indeed, here is a picture! Your dear people, Cranky Fibro Girl, are the first to see! It’s not even on my own website yet.

See how it looks like a perfume? And that’s what anybody that sees you putting it on will think. You, of course, will know that secretly it’s a magic potion, which just happens to also smell great, which just happens to look like perfume, but which helps you with the hard stuff you are getting curious about.

Pulse Point Potions are the same essential oil potion blends you know and have loved in the moisturizing cream base, but in an organic jojoba oil base that you can roll-on your pulse points. Because sometimes you don’t need to moisturize but you still want magics.

Thank you guys so much for coming, and for the sneak peek into what’s coming next at Heidi’s Table. Have a great rest of your Wednesday!

You can find Hedi and The Aardvark at Heidi’s Table —massage table, writing table, potion-concocting table— a place to explore this amazing, sometimes baffling, adventure of being human.   In a body. In this our world.