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Apparently I Am Just A Big, Giant Magnet For Randomness

March 26, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 7 Comments

Here’s what I mean.

This afternoon I went to Barnes & Noble to get a couple of books to read this weekend in between wedding festivities for my sister-in-law.

I put my choices down on the counter and smiled at the bookseller who I knew by sight, if not by name, owing to the fact that the bookstore is my second home. And here is how our conversation went.

Bookseller: “How are you doing today?”

Me: “Really well, thanks.”

Bookseller: “And did you find everything you were looking for?”

Me: “Oh, yes.”

Bookseller: “Actually, Tina…”

Me: WTF?!

Me: (noticing that he and I are the only two visible people at the counter.)

Me: (looking around surreptitiously to see if I had accidentally transported myself into a parallel universe where in fact I was Tina).

Bookseller: “…something like 80% of homicides are committed by men.”

Me: hoping, HOPING, that he’s not trying to send me some kind of message. Because, did I mention the fact that WE WERE ALONE?!

Me: (smiling, in an attempt to look as little like a potential homicide victim as possible.)

Bookseller: “And the rest are committed by women. Mostly as a result of infidelity.”

And this is why I spend my days with cats.

Filed Under: CFG Says, What?!, People Say The Funniest Things Tagged With: weird shopping experiences

The Dark Side

March 25, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

Where 798 pages of Facebook Applications and OCD meet.

Filed Under: CFG Goes Online Social

Purgatory

March 19, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

A day in which you finally fix the four pieces of laundry you accidentally dyed red, only to discover that somehow during this process, ten entirely new pieces of laundry were mysteriously dyed blue.

Filed Under: These Are The Days Of My Life

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

March 17, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

A little while ago my husband and I played host to an out-of-town friend of ours. He had a layover in Atlanta, so we picked him up from the airport and hung out together for a few hours.

This friend has recently come out, and so we spent a lot of time talking about the issues he is facing, the effect all of this is having on his relationships, and how he appreciates having friends like us who are willing to talk about this with him.

After we’d hit all the relevant historical sites (read: IKEA) we were trying to decide where to go next.

“How about the Botanical Gardens?” suggested my husband.

“Ooh, great!” I agreed.

“Um, why are we going to a garden again,” asked our friend.

“Because we like to look at flowers,” I replied.

“Oh, geez!,” our friend retorted. “You guys are gay!”

Peace, love, and understanding, man. That’s what we are all about here.

Filed Under: CFG Says, What?!, People Say The Funniest Things, Playing Well With Others

The Best Thing I Heard This Weekend

March 16, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

Al Giordino:” Hey, you know how it is when you see someone that you haven’t seen since high school, and they got some dead-end job, and they’re married to some woman that hates them, they got, like, three kids who think he’s a joke? Wasn’t there some point where he stood back and said, “Bob, don’t take that job! Bob, don’t marry that harpy!” You know?”
Dirk Pitt: “Your point?”
Al Giordino: “Well, we’re in the desert, looking for the source of a river pollutant, using as our map a cave drawing of a Civil War gunship, which is also in the desert. So I was just wondering when we’re gonna have to sit down and re-evaluate our decision-making paradigm?”

-from the movie “Sahara”

Filed Under: CFG Loves Things Wordy Tagged With: movies, quotes, sahara

Between A Rock And A Hard Place

March 15, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

Hopelessly addicted to Facebook, yet unbearably anxious and OCD whenever my total number of friends equals an odd, rather than an even, number.

Filed Under: CFG Goes Online Social

Once Again The Ignorance, It Is Bliss

March 14, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

So the other night we received a phone call from our next door neighbor at almost 10:00 at night.

“Do you have any idea why the police are walking around our neighborhood with dogs?” she asked.

We did not know, as a matter of fact, having been blissfully unaware of the presence of law enforcement on our quiet, weekday evening. But as it happens, we do know someone who could probably find out for us.

So we left our friend a voice mail asking, “Um, say, just hypothetically speaking, there were a bunch of police walking around our neighborhood at night with dogs. What might that be about?”

We heard back from our friend today. They haven’t yet found out the details of this specific incident, but they did pass on one little nugget of law enforcement wisdom:

“If the dogs come out, then someone’s getting bitten.”

Lovely.

Filed Under: These Are The Days Of My Life

There Really Are No Words

March 12, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

So just go here and read this:

10 Most Bizarre Military Experiments

“When you think of spying, odds are you think of jamming a radio inside of a cat so it can listen in on stuff. And if you don’t, you really need to have a good, long think about what kind of person you are.”

Filed Under: CFG Shares Some Cool Stuff Tagged With: 10 most bizarre military experiments, cracked.com

Who Needs Weathermen When You’ve Got Teenagers?

March 11, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

Today I heard just about the best description ever of our volatile Southern weather, when my tutoring student arrived for her session and announced,

“I’ve decided that our weather is on its period!”

Filed Under: CFG And Her Students, Teaching: It's Not For Wimps Tagged With: working with teenagers

Huh?

March 10, 2008 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

Surrounded as I am by people immersed in the practice of math and science, no one really understands the fact that whenever I see any kind of numerical statement or mathematical equation, my brain processes this information in the same way it would if everyone around me spontaneously started speaking in tongues. Which is to say, not at all. Seriously, the world might as well be run by The Great Gods Of Random Syllable Generating for all the pathetic lack of understanding I can muster when faced with math.

I’ve been pretty much resigned to my solitary fate, but then the other day I saw a billboard that gave me a tiny glimmer of hope. Unfortunately, despite the hour I spent driving up and down I-285 last weekend, the actual physical billboard seems to have disappeared into The Ethers Of Stuff That My Engineer Husband Will Probably Accuse Me Of Making Up. But I swear; this is what it said:

√ 7,000,000 /Pie x Yellow=

And I thought, “YES! Somebody understands me and my pain!” Because that is what every single math problem since the 8th grade has looked like to me.

Now granted, it was a Chick-Fil-A billboard, with the cows telling all who passed by that they had to solve this equation before they could eat a burger.

But STILL. For that one moment, I was no longer alone.

Filed Under: CFG Is Not A Mathemagician Tagged With: funny billboards

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