Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I’m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am very excited to be hosting Amy Goetz of the barefoot phoenix, who is here to give us all permission to pamper.

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In today’s world we are not often encourage to take care of ourselves. In fact we are often encouraged to push harder, do more, and work through the pain. This has to stop. So many beautiful people turn up on my doorstep exhausted, depleted, and depressed because they just couldn’t do or give enough.

I’d like to offer up some permission to start to choose yourself first and some easy-peasy ways to make that happen. Because me first= o.O [look of confusion and maybe some horror]

First I’d like to reassure you that it will not be easy to choose yourself first. It will be very uncomfortable in fact. Especially if you are a parent or care-giver. We are taught that others come first, that it is selfish to crave or desire time to ourselves or god-forbid pampering-haha! We can have pampering if we treat someone else or if we were given it as a gift.

But what if I told you that you could actually give more, and do more if you took care of yourself first.

I know… but I’m going to plant the seed and hope that it grows into a great big flower of stolen moments of renewal and retreat and indulgence.

I’m also going to leave a permission slip here at the end so you can print it out and hand it over. Let the paper ask for you, then it’s not really you asking. I’m kinda sneaky like that!

So to start us on a adventure in self-care here are some tiny ways you can start to recharge your batteries and take better care of yourself. As a practitioner of reflexology I have come to learn how amazing our feet are. Here is an opportunity to get to know your soles and discover how deep relaxation can go when we release the tension held in the feet.

Reflexology is built on the belief that there is a map of the entire body reflected in the feet, hands and ears.  Each side of the body is reflected in the foot, hand or ear of the same side. Reflexology works by clearing nerve pathways and helping re-establish and soothe the communication systems of the body so everything can work better. Knowing this, you can play with finding body discomfort and where it might be reflected on a reflexology map.

Because reflexology works so closely with the nervous system, a lot of pressure is not necessary. Nerve pathways are triggered upon contact.  Remember this when working on yourself, don’t over do it; pressing hard enough to bruise does not make reflexology work faster. In fact it slows everything down. Also, be sure and take good care of yourself by not over working your thumbs, or by working in awkward positions.

To unwind from your day, one of the simplest things you can do is add a tiny bit of stretching to your life.  Move your body and it will reward you with fewer aches and pains and greater ability to adapt, process and release the stresses of everyday life.

The most important ways to move your feet are:

Ankle Circles: slowly rotate the ankle in both directions 10-15 times. Ankle circles stretch and strengthen all the major muscles that move your foot and will release tension from overuse, standing, exercise, and lack of use (sitting).

Point and Flex: slowly point your foot as much as you can, gently hold this extreme position for 2 seconds, and then release. Flex your foot as much as you can, again hold it at this extreme for 2 seconds and repeat 10-15 times per foot. If you find yourself starting to cramp, gently ease off and reverse movement and with the next repetition do not go to such an extreme.

Inversion and Eversion: slowly rotate the arch of the foot towards your head and hold this movement for 2 seconds. Then reverse motion so the arch faces away. I like to call this one “conducting the orchestra” as the movement in the foot resembles arm movements used in conducting. Again repeat this exercise 10-15 times and if your foot starts to cramp gently ease off and reverse the movement.

These things can easily be done while watching television, before you get out of bed in the morning and under the desk or the dining room table. [see how I am helping you multi-task here-I know you are busy]

Cramping: If you experience cramping during any or all of these stretches, this is an indication that the muscles in your feet are weak and need exercise. Please reduce the number of repetitions for each exercise and instead take 2 minutes 4-6 times a day, spending 30 seconds doing each one 3-5 times.

Take a foot roller to work and keep it in a desk drawer, while sitting at your desk throw it on the floor and roll your feet. A foot roller can be a fancy one you by with ridges and poky bits or it can simply be a tennis or golf ball. You can also roll the ball between your hands, oh those hard working hands would love you so. Find the ouchy spots or the yummy spots and hang out here for 10 seconds to a full minute.

Soak your feet. You have over 7,000 nerve ending in each foot all yammering away about this and that. The quickest way to calm them down, and your whole body is to submerge them in water. Use a big bowl, fill it with hot water and if you want to get fancy some salts or essential oils.

I have so many more suggestions for I am on a mission. But I don’t want to take up all of your time, I’d rather you got to soaking or stretching. You can join me every Monday through the end of the year in a conversation about teeny tiny ways you can take 5 minutes just for you every day. Please join in, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Each week features a different setting or style of mission in permission. Here is week one.

amy! the barefoot phoenix is on a mission to help people see they are allowed to choose self-care first. she wears stripy socks, talks to faeries, reads tarot cards and does reflexology. when she is not with clients, you can find her sipping tea with her cat chaos on her lap trying to write interesting and brilliant things, her latest endeavore is the permission to pamper ebook.

You can play with amy! on facebook https://www.facebook.com/bfphoenix?ref=ts or twitter @AmyCreatesStuff
You can find more about reflexology on her website :: barefootphoenix.com/reflexology/about-reflexology/

use the permission slip up until it is so worn you have to print a new one!

Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I’m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am very excited to be hosting Joy Agcongay, from whom I’ve been learning about the practice of Going On A Silent Retreat

1. How were you first introduced to Silent Retreating?

I was interested in creative writing and joined a local weekly writing group. Sharing my writing was hard and the weekly pace was difficult for me to keep up. The writing teacher offered weekend workshops, a format which I found worked for better me. I liked having the time to go deep and explore without distraction.

I continued to follow what interested me, trying out other forms of creativity beyond writing. I’ve explored different mediums and approaches including art journaling, painting, welding, encaustics and bookmaking.

A few years ago, I discovered that a local poet offered silent writing retreats at a monastery in Big Sur. In all honesty, I was drawn to the writing and the location. Writing in a monastery, YES!

The silent part was more of an intellectual curiosity. It was a challenging, yet powerful experience for me. I love going deep and exploring. I love the solitude. I loved being witnessed and not critiqued. I was surprised to find that I enjoyed being silent in community.

I got hooked. I now do silent retreats twice a year.

 

2. How did you transfer/translate the idea of going away from home to attend a retreat at an actual retreat center into something that you can do whenever you want, wherever you are?

Outside of retreat, I’m prone to anxiety and not as gentle and kind as I want to be with myself. I was talking with a friend and said, “I feel more like myself when I’m at retreat. Too bad I can’t feel like this when I’m at home.” Well, DUH!

It’s become an important part of my self-care.

Achieving an emotional state at home similar to what I feel when I’m on retreat is sort of a quest for me in the same way people want nirvana or enlightenment: exploring but haven’t found it.

Our daily lives are full, so I find it a constant dance to find flow and space in any given moment.

I still overcommit myself and get anxious. But I know silence is something I can pull out of my toolbox at any time to reconnect with what’s true for me, not anyone else or anyone else’s idea of what I need to be doing or feeling. It’s a work in progress.

 

3. Was it hard for you at first to be alone just you and your thoughts? Have you found things that have helped to make that a bit easier?

Yes, I found it hard at first even though I think of myself as a quiet person. My inner dialogue at first wanted to rebel against it! I do think it’s normal to struggle with silence. As a society, we think that silence is not as powerful as being loud. We’re drowning in information. We numb out when we go online, or watch TV.

You know the saying, “The end justifies the means”? We’re lauded when we sacrifice parts of ourselves, our experience, journey and the process for the sake of efficacy, productivity, or the end product.  We’re not very mindful as a people. We don’t want to face ourselves.

As we excavate the layers, oftentimes we get uncomfortable. It can be part of the process of settling into the silence, but sometimes silence is welcome like a soft, warm blanket on a cool night.

When I attended my first yoga class, I found corpse pose, savasana, to be excruciating. I could not lie still. And that was only a few minutes! Call it meditation, or prayer or mindfulness, but giving yourself permission to start a practice of intentional silence like that is one way, even if you start out doing it for  30 seconds.

My tolerance for and ability to be alone with my thoughts have increased over the years. That’s not saying that it doesn’t get uncomfortable at times, but I have built enough resilience to trust the process and ride out the discomfort. It may not seem like it, but it always passes when I  greet it with loving self-compassion and forgiveness instead of fighting it every step of the way.

 

4. Can you give us some examples of how you Silent Retreat as you go about your everyday life?

In the car, I sometimes choose not to listen to music and stay present. I notice how hard I’m gripping the steering wheel or if my shoulders are hunched. I check in with my breathing. Oh, and I imagine I’m riding in a bubble, so I don’t pick up anyone’s road rage!

When I’m at home, I’ll fold laundry or wash dishes without distraction. Something about the circular motion of my hand sweeping around the contour of the rim of a dish soothes me. I think about how the rituals of tending to the details of your home is important…dare I say, sacred. Sort of a metaphor of tending to the spirit with care and intention.

I garden, so I pay attention to the sound of hummingbirds, the crunch of a leaf under my foot or take in the smell of the soil and how it crumbles between my fingers.

If I am not at home, or running errands and feel like I’m living out of my head too much–I start tripping and bumping into things, which is a sign that I’m not paying attention–and need a change in environment, I can get close to the spirit of silent retreat with a walk on the beach, in the forest or other natural setting, a museum, nearby park, bookstore, library or my garden.

I’ve been known to visit Catholic churches, temples and shrines and other sacred places when I travel and need a break. The need for places of silence is pretty universal.

 

5. Can you give us some suggestions for how a “newbie” can start to make some space in their lives for Silent Retreating?

I am not someone who subscribes to the concept of silent retreat being centered on “seriousness” and even stillness. Sitting still in silent meditation is challenging!

But I do turn distractions off, such as TV, music and my computer. I would also let people in your environment know that you are entering silence.

Walking meditation is a great way to introduce yourself to silence.

If you do yoga, at the end of class you have time to integrate what your body has done, called savasana. I’ve found it’s good training to be comfortable with silence, especially in community.

Driving or commuting in silence.

Being mindful and silent when preparing a meal, or preparing tea, or eating the meal, or drinking the tea.

It’s translatable to many things we do. It’s ultimately about creating an intention and doing what you need to do to support that intention.

I don’t know if this is true for everyone, but having a “start” and “end”, a signal or ritual that you are entering and leaving silent retreat also helps frame the time as something slightly out of ordinary time. It’s a way to honor the process. Some people bookend with the lighting and snuffing out of a candle. I tend to keep it simple and declare in my mind, “I am entering silence/going into silent retreat” or “I am leaving silence/silent retreat.”

As I mentioned earlier, you can get close to the spirit of a silent retreat being in nature, a park, museum, bookstore, library or place of worship.

 

 

6. What are some of the things you’ve received from your Silent Retreating?

I’m more grounded and solid. Yes, I can be perfectionistic and a taskmaster. I get anxious and I can get really, really angry. I cry a lot. I laugh. I care deeply for animals. I eat fried food. I’m an unapologetic nerd. I must be part monk, but sort of an everyday mystic type. Silent retreating contributes to a deeper appreciation of my whole experience as a human being. It’s all OK and I accept all those experiences as part of who I am. I can certainly laugh more at myself.

I find that I more easily discern between noise and important information better because I’m just slightly more attuned to what doesn’t resonate for me. So I suppose you could say I’ve developed more self-trust and connection to my intuition.

I’ve gotten more in touch with what’s true for me without the layers of what I’ve been taught, societal expectations. When I get quiet, I’m aware of my inner dialogue, which can be so very unkind. I catch on sooner when I’m making up rules that aren’t real or if I see that I’m making things harder on myself than they need to be.

When I’m in a group in a social situation and feel safe, I’m comfortable enough to say what I think instead of keeping it inside. I may not pull out the “I’m on silent retreat” and dramatically leave the room, but I will take in a breath and say something like, “No need to worry about me. I’m just feeling quiet.” I notice that gives other people permission to relax into more calm. I think that’s been one of the more surprising things about being comfortable in silence…you give people permission to do the same.

 

Bio

Joy Agcongay is a gentle marketeer for overwhelmed entrepreneurs and avid creative/silent retreater. You can find her marketing website at joyagcongaymarketing.com and occasional chronicles of retreating at adventuresofjoy.com. In 2012 she’s offering a Playful Marketing Expedition for entrepreneurs who want to learn a gentle, slower-paced approach to developing a marketing practice. You can sign up for the 2012 Playful Marketing Expedition notification list here.

Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I’m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I would like to link to some audios we can all listen to in order to help soothe the Upcoming Weeks Of Crazy.

(This post isn’t going to look pretty with graphics and all that, because, guess who got to have an unplanned root canal yesterday morning?! Important Side Note: Dear Life, please stop kicking me in the fact, kthxbye.)

1. Emergency Calming Techniques by Havi Brooks. I have been a student of Havi’s (in her Kitchen Table program) since 2009, AND I got to go to The Playground and meet her this past January, so I can vouch for the absolute awesomeness of everything she does. She totally walks her talk.

2. Shannon Wilkinson and Heidi Fishbach. On their own, Shannon and Heidi provide fantastically soothing products, but then they decided to team up and combine their powers by offering an Audio + Potion Alchemy package, with a custom-designed audio from NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapist Shannon, and a handmade lotion by Massage Therapist, Mood Detective, and Potion Master Heidi. I cannot recommend these highly enough.

3. Color Alignment Meditations by Lynne Morrell. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, then you know that Lynne and I are total  Partners In Crime And Adventure, and that she is just one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known. Plus, she is really damn good at her job as a Personal Life Coach and Certified EFT Practitioner. So go-listen-be soothed.

4. Fabeku Fatsumise: Business Awesomeizer, Suck Exorcist, Sonic Alchemist. Fabeku has one of the biggest, most generous hearts of anyone I’ve ever known. Plus, he is the best Namer Of Things Ever. I know this because he created the Don’t Lose Your Shit Kit, first introduced a couple of Christmases ago, and still as necessary and awesome as ever.

5. Goddess Leonie Dawson. Leonie is the most prolific creator that I’ve ever met. And one thing she is very good at creating are meditations, for all different kinds of circumstances.But perhaps the thing she is best at (in my admittedly biased opinion) is spreading love. Not in a hokey, goofy, silly way, but in a raw, honest, ability tune into the joy of Creation and then use that to remind us of just how loved we all are.

6. Andrea Schroeder. The other most prolific creator I’ve ever met. I’ve taken a bunch of her courses and loved them. They are all about creativity, creating, magic, and you. And how can you not love someone who runs The Creative Magic Academy? Another powerful creator of ridiculously helpful meditations.

Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I’m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am very excited to be hosting Maryann Devine, creator of The Society of the Secret Play Date.

1. How did the idea for Secret Play Dates idea come about?

It was the weaving together of multiple threads.

One thread: I knew I needed more play in my life, more light-heartedness. I started to recognize that play could mean more than just being silly (which doesn’t come so easily to me). It means experimentation, and cultivating curiosity.

Another was the awareness that a lot of the people who hang out at smArts & Culture are doing creative things, and that creative people often have trouble with straight-up business stuff like writing a marketing plan. I wondered how to make that easier for them, maybe using visual techniques.

Havi Brooks was encouraging me along the same lines.

A third thread was the desire to bring more making into my life. Since I was a child, I thought of myself as an artist, and more than ten years ago, I deliberately gave that up. I found myself yearning to make something by hand — anything.

So all of those ideas came together to form Secret Play Date, but I still hesitated because I didn’t feel I had enough experience to lead people in it.

That’s when Havi suggested that I just invite people along, rather than wait until I felt ready, so that’s what I did.

2. What kind of projects have you worked on during your Secret Play Dates?

Oh, my goodness, what HAVEN’T I worked on?

When I first started Play-Dating, I thought it would be about getting concrete business stuff done.

I worked on business planning, sales copy, blog posts, project brainstorming, service revisions, tax preparation — you name it.

Then I started to realize that I could Play-Date the internal stuff, too.

I played with my tendency to think small. I worked through fear and anxiety that came up around a new project. I Play-Dated with my ideas about limitations.

I realized that there is nothing you can’t Play-Date, and Society of the Secret Play Date members are constantly inspiring me.

3. What kind of shifts or epiphanies have shown up for you as a result of Secret Play Dating?

Interacting with a couple of things that are related — ‘going big’ with my business, and a specific project (the Summer House talks) that I wanted so much to do, but felt out of my league at the time.

Through a number of Play Dates I realized that I had a lot of ambivalence about ‘going big’ — lots of negative associations. I came up with a better metaphor — growing wings — that feels so much freer and more exciting to me.

As I Play-Dated with the idea that became my Summer House conversations (a series of audio interviews), I was able to brainstorm and write while giving space for my monsters to speak their piece — they had their own separate Play Date with paper and markers. They had a grand old time.

Since I had that metaphorical shift around ‘growing wings,’ and worked through my anxieties about taking on a project that seemed too ambitious, I’ve felt much more confident in planning new, exciting things for my business. And I’ve gone ahead and done that.

4. Can you talk a bit about layer cake-ing?

Well, I could call it alternating, but layer cake sounds much more delicious, no?

Layer cake-ing is doing a bit of work and a bit of play in short, doable blocks of time. Maybe 10 minutes of writing blog posts, followed by 10 minutes of knitting, and repeating that.

I find it very helpful to layer-cake things that are tedious, like filing. I used layer-caking to get my tax documents together for my accountant this year, which is both tedious and something I really hate to do.

Layer-caking it with bits of collaging made it far more palatable, and I got it done quickly.

5. Do you have any new or upcoming stuff you want to talk about?

Yes, a couple of things!

‘A Day of Secret Play‘ happens on October 29. It’s an all-day play-date with your project. Joy Agcongay will join us to talk about silent retreating and how we might experiment with it in our daily lives, and in our Play Dates. The last ‘Day of Play’ was amazing — people made ridiculous progress with their projects, and it was so satisfying to set aside a full day to Play Date as a group.

The other thing is ‘Why Not Now?’ It’s a two-week intensive course/brainstorming lab/support group/hang-out for people who want to get their project out into the world, and it starts October 31.

(I actually came up with ‘Why Not Now?’ on our LAST ‘Day of Secret Play!’)

Maryann Devine hates to say she teaches classes. She’d rather think of it as inviting you along for the ride. She blogs about creativity, scrambles her brain with Shiva Nata, and enjoys snacks.

Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when I’m having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I want to tell you about a few new purchases I’ve made over the past few months.

1. Tangle Teaser

This is the only brush in my entire (as of Saturday) 39 years that has ever gotten out all of the tangles without hurting. It’s like magic. And of course I am all for anything that is pain-free.

2. Thera Cane

I haven’t been able to get massages for a while  because they started making me feel worse (Dear Fibro: SUCK IT),  so the Thera Cane has been a godsend. I use it with the Aardvark Essentials Ease, Please Lotion, and I’m able to get a good bit of relief from all my knotted-up muscles.

3. Chronic Pain Tracker App

I finally realized that I’ve had no idea whatsoever how to speak “doctor”. I communicate in long, meandering stories which I think express the necessary information clearly and completely. But I have finally come to understand that my doctor actually needs things like facts, and data. And this app is fantastic in helping me track the information he needs. It will also compile your information into various charts and reports which you can either print out and take with you to your appointment, or email to your doctor.

(None of these links is an affiliate link. Just sharing some things I thought you all might like.)