You Can Keep Your Outrageous Salaries And Your High-Powered Careers; It’s Moments Like These That Prove That I Have The Best Job In The Whole Entire World

So the other day I was home supervising someone who was giving us a quote on work that needs to be done around the house. He was really nice, and we were getting on like a house on fire when talk turned to a recent improvement he’d made to his lifestyle.

“I just started wearing these new shoe inserts,” he said. “I’ve only had them on for a couple of days,but I can already tell a huge difference.”

“Wow-that’s great!” I told him.

“I know,” he replied. “I hurt my foot a while ago but I refuse to get surgery, because I’ve talked to too many people who did have surgery and then months later are still having problems.”

“I know what you mean,” I said. “I have a lot of lower back problems but I’m never having back surgery, for the same reasons.”

“Well let me email you the information about these inserts,” he said. “They’re pricey, but they’re working really well.” Then, our rapport well-established, he continued.

“I know a woman,” he began, “whose second toe has started growing across her big toe. So she had surgery to correct it, but it’s eight months later and she still has problems walking.”

“Ooh,” I said, grimacing. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“No,” he agreed. “But a woman at her church had the same problem, so she told my friend that she just went to the doctor and had them cut that toe right off so she could be done with it, and now she’s fine. So now my friend has scheduled surgery to have her toe amputated too.”

“Huh,” I said, as one does when confronted with an unexpected amputation anecdote.

“Yeah,” he continued, “because you know you can lose up to three toes and be OK. As long as you have your big toe and your pinky toe, you’re fine.”

As a matter of fact, I did not know. But thanks to my new friend, whom we are TOTALLY going to hire, I know now. And I did not have to put on pantyhose, drive in rush hour traffic, or sit through one single Power Point presentation to find that out.

Eat your heart out, guys.