So this week has pretty much turned out to be the week when it has become necessary to change around almost every single one of my (numerous) medications. Some were no longer working, some were working well in one way but were also causing some unpleasant side effects, and some needed to be added as various diagnoses were fine-tuned.
I feel like I’m in a circus and I’ve been asked to learn how to juggle three different colors of balls. And, after MUCH trial and error, and effort and energy, I have. But just at the moment when I was able to perform that routine smoothly and professionally, the ringmaster came in and told me that I had to change out all my yellow balls for orange (without stopping the juggling, mind you), oh, and by the way, you also need to ride this unicycle while you’re juggling, and, oh, we also think it would be great if you could hold onto this pole with your teeth and balance all of these spinning plates at the same time.
So I’m pretty much just waiting for the whole shebang to come crashing down at any moment, and am only hoping to escape the crash without experiencing actual decapitation or loss of limbs.
Naturally it was necessary for me to visit all of my doctors again, and as I believe I’ve mentioned here before, none of them are close to me, or close to each other. So I’ve been spending A Lot of time in the car this week, and to help the time pass more quickly I’ve been listening to kicky, upbeat pop music as I drive.
That worked great for a while. But then I reached a level of frustration, uncertainty, and despair yesterday that caused me, upon opening my mailbox and discovering its contents to yell, “You SUCK! I reject you! You do not even deserve to be brought into the house to be thrown away. I’m just gonna leave you RIGHT HERE!”
Yes, that’s right-I punished my mail by giving it a Time Out.
That was the sign that I’d finally reached my own personal Tipping Point, and now the songs that had, only hours earlier, been giving me such joy to listen to, just caused there to be more yelling. Especially this one song, whose catchy lyrics stated, “I don’t care if the bills are paid/as long as she is with me, I don’t care if my soul is saved, as long as she forgives me.”
And I found myself arguing, “Uh, you will TOO care! Because she’s about to break up with your ass! Because if you don’t pay your bills, then you won’t have any electricity, and she’s not gonna stick around very long if the only kind of date you can offer her becomes, ‘Sitting Around In The Dark In My Empty Apartment, Because All My Furniture Has Been Repossessed and The Electricity’s Been Shut Off. Oh, And You Can’t Use The Bathroom, Either, Because There’s No Water.’ Not to mention the fact that you are no longer able to shower, and so you constantly smell like ass. Wake up and make some damn money, for crying out loud!”
Obviously my mail is not the only thing that needs a Time Out.