The zipper refuses to stay up on my new shorts. Nothing like finding out you’ve just bought yourself a new pair of slutty pants.
My Relentless Emails Of Terror have triumphed victorious!, and husband’s business trip to Mexico has been canceled.
Feline pill pockets are my boyfriend.
Dear Future Me: Days with fibro pain are NOT the optimal times for “growing your business”.
Hey Lizard! I’m trying to help you live, but you’ve gotta meet me halfway here, and stop running TOWARDS my cat. That won’t end well for you
I just explained the concept of object pronouns IN Spanish AS the fibro meds kicked in AND made sense. I am a rock star .
To my slutty pair of shorts: It’s just me and the cats here so it’s really not gonna do you any good to continue randomly unzipping yourself
As the school year draws to a close I must now take up the mantle of my summer job: Person Who Protects Porch Lizards From My Cat, Tigger.
Just heard that next door neighbor’s BDay party includes a “reptile wrangler.” Because apparently, they hate me.