A good friend of mine sent me an email last week asking me some questions about a great product she’s created which helps people who are having trouble with their body image. I really wanted to give her a well-thought-out, helpful, insightful answer, but I haven’t quite been able to yet, as I explained in my response.
“I just wanted to let you know that I got your email-as a matter of fact, I was reading it on my Blackberry as I was on the way to the freezer to get some more Thin Mints, and so I was all, “What? Body Image? La la la la la, I can’t HEAR you!”
“And then, surprise! My husband decided at the last minute to got skiing this week with his dad, which meant that my father-in-law came down to stay with us Friday night, and of course the guest bathroom is all torn up because last summer someone was all, “Hm, I think it would be a really good idea to completely redo this bathroom,” and then someone else was all, “No, I have a BETTER idea-I’ll contract a painful chronic illness which will suck up all the available time and energy in our lives!” So my husband was like, “Well, we’re gonna have to let my dad use our bathroom,” and I was all, “ABSOLUTELY NOT! I AM NOT SHARING MY BATHTUB WITH ANYONE. YOU JUST CALL HIM UP AND TELL HIM THAT HE WILL HAVE TO STAY DIRTY!!” Because I’m all hospitable like that.
“And then I’m having to do all this remedial work for my sweater knitting class, which is really hard, and which is causing me to have a huge identity crisis, because, OMG!, I’m not the best student in the class!”
“And now the ants have started taking over our kitchen, which means that I am constantly having to massacre them with Windex, because even though I am all about supporting wildlife, I MAKE AN EXCEPTION WHEN IT’S SWARMING ALL OVER MY KITCHEN COUNTERS.”
“And so basically I have been exerting every last particle of my will towards the goal of not actually eating my entire house, as well as driving all over town, because, hello, Where are all the damn Girl Scouts and their cookies when you really need them?!”
“So I haven’t really felt like I was in the best place to offer insight on this issue right now, except for this little nugget: Keeping Thin Mints in the freezer=really not as effective a barrier as one might hope.”
“So, how are things with you?”
You’re so hilarious. I love your inner teenager identity.
Interesting that while your area appears to have a deficit of Thin Mints, my daughter’s troop has a surplus. I’d offer to send a few boxes to you, but I suspect that would be like offering some Jack Daniels to an alcoholic.
I know it’s tempting to obliterate the ants when they appear. But a more effective approach is to put out a few of those poison-laced ant food thingies, preferably near their nest but where the cat can’t get at them.
Good luck!