Septic Tank Man: You know, you guys really need to think about switching toilet paper. You really need to be using something like [name of a brand]. You know-that stuff that’s just like sandpaper.
Me: Um, yeah, we’ll get right on that.
Veronica Mars, who is 19, apologizing to her father, the sheriff, for providing her friends with fake ID’s.
Veronica: I promise that from now on, I will only use the Mars powers for good and not for evil.
Keith (looking wistfully around their apartment): There’s never a stenographer around when you need one.
My dermatologist, after successfully removing a skin thing from directly under my right boobie.
The doctor: I’m not even gonna send this into the lab to be biopsied since it wasn’t in a bad place.
Me (to myself): As someone who is a DD, I would seriously have to disagree with you on that one.