Cranky Fibro Girl

Harnessing the healing power of snark

Thursday Thirteen #15: Thirteen Funny Moments With My Students

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Thirteen Funny Moments With My Students
1. The Student: “My teacher hates me.”
Me: “Why do you think that?”
The Student: “Well, I was just sitting there in class, and then suddenly my jacket was on fire.”
Me: (Silently) Yeah, she probably does.

2. Me: “Back in the 70’s, when I was growing up…”
My student: Gasps so hard in stunned amazement at how old I am that he almost turns his head inside out.

3. Me: “Oh, I see we’re getting ready to start the chapter on…THE PLANE.”
Me: Waiting expectantly.
My student: Stares at me blankly.
Me: “THE PLANE”.
The Student: Nothing.
Me: “Tattoo? Fantasy Island?”
My student: Looks at me quizzically.
Me: Feeling like a total idiot. “Uh, never mind.”

4. Anytime I try to use “Top Gun” and Tom Cruise as examples of knowing what’s “cool” when you’re a teenager.

5. Student: “Will you take me to get my belly button pierced?”
Me: “No.”
Student: “Why not? I really thought you would.”
Me: What?! Why?!
Me (silently): frantically reviewing every interaction I’d previously had with this student, wondering how I’d possibly given out the message that I was someone who would accompany teenagers as they voluntarily allowed others to drive very sharp needles through various parts of their body.

6. Usually I am pretty good at getting in the last word. Words are what I was trained in, and now words are my business. But yesterday I met my match.

I was working with a tutoring client and trying to elicit some information from him in a process which, incidentally, has given me entirely new insights into the phrase, “blood from a stone.”

I asked him if he was this difficult in all of his conversations with others, and he said that he liked to present people with a challenge.

Me:” Well, that’s just like waving a red flag in front of a bull” (I love a good challenge).
Him: “Yes, but then it’s just like in the cartoons when I pull the flag away, and there’s an anvil there instead.”

He won.

7. My Student: “I should never be given the power of invincibility, because if I were invincible I would go around hurting everyone else just because I could.”
Me: “Hm, interesting.”
Me (silently): OK, Universe, are you listening here?
Me: “So, you’d really be more of a super villain than a super hero.”
My Student: “Exactly.”
Me: “And then you’d need a super hero to come against you.”
My Student: “But no one could, because I’d be invincible.”
Me: “Ah, but everyone has a weakness. There’s Superman and kryptonite…”
My Student(interrupting): “Well, I guess you could bore me to death.”

(I still haven’t figured out if he just meant people in general, or if he was talking to me specifically at that moment. So I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’m offended.)

8. Today has been a mixture of tutoring some students in Spanish and getting ready to go out of town for a conference.

I guess getting ready for my trip has put me a little on edge, because by my last tutoring session my answers to the student’s questions had become a bit flippant and sarcastic.

This caused him to stop, put down his pen, look at me, and say, “Hm, apparently smartass is catching. Who knew?”

9. Yesterday I saw one of my students for their final Spanish tutoring session ever. It’s good for both of us; for him, because he HATES Spanish; for me, because I am no longer responsible for shepherding him through academia now that he has discovered the magical sugary-caffeinated elixir that is a Tall Vanilla Latte.

As he was pacing around my office and working off his coffee high he began closely inspecting everything on my shelves, including my collection of cat figurines.

“Oh, don’t look at those,” I said. “I don’t want you to think that I’m a crazy cat lady.”

“Oh I already know you are,” he replied. “Three’s the magic number!”

He is very lucky that I am not the person in charge of grading his final Spanish exam.

10. Me: “What is the correct form of this verb?”

My student: Answers incorrectly.

Me: “No, it’s this.”

My student: “You’re right.”

Me: HEAVILY sarcastic. “Yeah, I KNOW!.”

11. My student: “I think I’m not gonna start drinking until I’m older.’

Me: “What?”

My student: “Well, my parents didn’t start needing to have wine every night with dinner until my brother and I were born.”

12. A new student arrives for their first tutoring session.

Me: “OK, let me see your book.”

The student: “Oh. I was supposed to bring my book?”

Me (to myself): Why is it that I don’t drink, again?

13. Me: “OK, so are you going to look over these vocabulary words again tonight so you’ll be ready for your test?”

My student: “Mmm, nope.”

Me: “Well, at least you’re honest.”

Comments

  4. LOL. See, this is why I’m not a tutor – I’d slap the fire right out of #7 and Mr. Last Word. I substituted for the 1st grade Sunday School teacher a couple of weeks ago. Class full of tiny people chatting along happily. One of them asked me how old I was. I told him my actual age, since you’re not supposed to lie in church. His little mouth dropped open. The other kids fell into stunned silence. “What’s the matter?” I said. He looked at me and said, “I don’t know anybody that old.”
    Happy Thursday, and hang in there!
    DK

  8. ROFL!! It’s because of lists like this I miss teaching high school. Mind you, I get similar comments from adult learners too, so it all works out in the end. Excellent list. Thank you for posting. 🙂

  9. Thank you so much for the laughs…I really needed them today!

    But now I feel old…#2 reminded me of a conversation my ex-wife and I had when we were dating.

    Ex: OMG, you’re that old? What year were you born?
    Me: 1967.
    Ex: OMG, that is so cool! Like, you were born in, like, the 60s!

    I still married her…and then divorced her. This doesn’t say much for my intelligence level, does it?

    Happy TT!

  11. ok, i have a funny one for you. My mom was a teacher.

    one of her students went to my grandmothers’ house, as his parents were buying fruit from my farmer grandfather. He saw a picture of my mom on the mantle, and without thinking, he said “hey, that’s longnose!” My grandmother said “yep, that’s my daughter.” he was so well-behaved after that!

  14. That’s a very funny list! I recognize some from when I was at school. 🙂
    My TT is about methods of divination.

  17. God bless you Jenny. I couldn’t do it. Though don’t take this to mean I don’t like reading about your trials and tribulations in tutoring. It’s great fun to read. It’ll probably be an endless source of blog fodder, too.

    I don’t get along with teens very well. Come to think of it, I didn’t get along with teens very well even when I was a teen.

  20. LOL! Those students are hysterical 🙂 Don’t you just love when they make you feel like you grew up during the Stone Age, instead of the 70’s?

  21. Those are really great! It does take a lot to be a teacher, I will give you that. I don’t think I would have the patience for a lot of those comments and behaviours! LOL

    Happy TT!

  24. I think we should combine you students and mine! What a mixture we would have.

    Yup, we could be neighbor if you were still in the area. I live a short distance from Dale City and actually go to the grocery store there. Its about 2 miles from me.
    You probably wouldn’t recognize the area now.

    Thanks for visiting my TT

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