Today I am feeling every single moment of the three months Iâ€™ve been sick. I think now that the infection is gone and Iâ€™m off the medicine, Iâ€™m settling into my body and just feeling things out; okay, this is what has happened, and this is where I am right now.
Iâ€™ve been taking an inventory: okay, this is how my knees feel; hm, it still hurts to walk and wear shoes; wow, my jaw is tight. Itâ€™s almost like Iâ€™m getting reacquainted with my body. I have to get to know myself again after all that I went through in the fall.
And if I was tuned in before to people and situations that were not a good match for me, now I am super-sensitive in those areas. I know right away if an opportunity or a relationship is not going to work for me, and I literally cannot rest until I take the action Iâ€™m being prodded into by my inner guidance.
Mostly that has meant, once again, learning to be okay with disappointing myself and other people. Iâ€™ve had to rearrange some tutoring clients to better accommodate my needs, rather than fitting myself in around their lives. Iâ€™ve had to let go of being able to manage our entire household, and instead pick just one thing to do, like keeping the kitchen clean. Iâ€™ve had to learn to speak up and say, no thanks-please donâ€™t tell me about the C DIF research youâ€™ve been doing on the Internet, or all the illness horror stories other people are sharing with you, because that makes me feel worse, not better.
Today Iâ€™ve had to learn how to be all right with the fact that I feel bad-Just. â€˜Cuz. Thereâ€™s nothing to investigate, and nothing to blame. In my recovery, today is just a day where I donâ€™t feel good. Today the best I can say is that I was here, and I showed up for this day. And eventually, this day will pass.