Here’s what I mean.

This afternoon I went to Barnes & Noble to get a couple of books to read this weekend in between wedding festivities for my sister-in-law.

I put my choices down on the counter and smiled at the bookseller who I knew by sight, if not by name, owing to the fact that the bookstore is my second home. And here is how our conversation went.

Bookseller: “How are you doing today?”

Me: “Really well, thanks.”

Bookseller: “And did you find everything you were looking for?”

Me: “Oh, yes.”

Bookseller: “Actually, Tina…”

Me: WTF?!

Me: (noticing that he and I are the only two visible people at the counter.)

Me: (looking around surreptitiously to see if I had accidentally transported myself into a parallel universe where in fact I was Tina).

Bookseller: “…something like 80% of homicides are committed by men.”

Me: hoping, HOPING, that he’s not trying to send me some kind of message. Because, did I mention the fact that WE WERE ALONE?!

Me: (smiling, in an attempt to look as little like a potential homicide victim as possible.)

Bookseller: “And the rest are committed by women. Mostly as a result of infidelity.”

And this is why I spend my days with cats.