So-and say it with me now-the bug guy is coming back again this week.

Forget the Bermuda Triangle, or what happened to Amelia Earhart, or why you can never, ever get your hair to look exactly the way it did when your hairdresser styled it at your last appointment. We are currently engaged in unraveling one of the knottiest mysteries known to mankind today: How in the world are these rats getting into our basement? We have had three different bug guys inspect the area underneath our house, and although they try to cover it up with fancy “exterminator talk”, the basic message I have gotten from all of them is, “Beats me!”

It’s like we’re dealing with some kind of mutant evil genius rats, rats who are apparently not subject to any of the physical laws of the known universe, super-Einstein-emulating, Mensa-joining rats, rats who can apparently teleport their bodies from the outdoors directly  into our basement using only the power of their tiny rat minds.

But even though we’ve apparently been under attack by Lex Luthor and the entire Legion of Doom, we here at the Hall of Justice have not given up hope. We will soldier bravely on, with our Lasso of Truth, and our Peanut-ey Glue Boards of Immobility, and our Really, Really, Big Stick, and justice will once again prevail.

Or not, in which case I’ll be back next week with a report on Day 759,824.