Cranky Fibro Girl

Harnessing the healing power of snark

The Skill I Wish I Didn’t Have

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So lately, I have not been doing all that well. There has just been a lot of shit going on around here lately:

-many, many, MANY days of spiking an 8, 9, or 10 on the pain scale

-helping my husband prepare for his job interview, and then waiting to see whether or not he got the job

-two weeks without any sun

-the Atlanta flood

-and the worst migraine I have had in years

And given the fact that I was on shaky ground to being with, it’s been re-a-ll-y hard for me not to go to the dark place in my thoughts and in my feelings. Especially since I was recently diagnosed with “rapid mood cycling”, something which falls somewhere along the bipolar spectrum. I haven’t wanted to talk about that here, because for some reason, even though I talk about everything else I have to deal with, I thought that if I mentioned this, then it would be the final nail on my crazy coffin.

So I’ve pretty much been at ground zero as far as participating in life goes-hitting the bottom and then s-l-o-w-l-y coming back up again.

And it’s particularly hard right now because it seems like everyone around me is making huge strides on their big dreams, and I am so far away from that place that my dreams are really painful. There’s nothing to say that I can’t have them at some point in my life, but I can’t have them right now. And that is really, really hard. I’m happy for those people, AND I am sad for me. Because the things I can do right now are so small, and feel so inconsequential, that it feels like nothing I do really matters or is in any way contributing to life.

So these things that I can do, I’ve heard them called many different things-connecting the dots, doing the next logical step, reaching for the thought that feels better, doing what’s in front of you. And so that is where I started this morning.

First, I was inspired to go and sit in the sun, the sun which I am especially grateful for after the week we had (because, did I mention there was a FLOOD? Here in THE CITY! A city which HAS NO PLACE FOR FLOOD WATERS TO GO!)

And then I did a little EFT: “Even though I feel so disconnected from myself, from God, from life, and from the creative flow, I’d really like to see if I can find a way to reconnect just a little bit.” “Even though I feel so empty and used up, I woke up this morning, and I’m still breathing, and still thinking, so I guess there’s some more for me here somewhere. I guess this isn’t ‘it’ for me.”

I just had to lay it all down-dreams, ideas, wishes, relationships, meaning, purpose, illness-I just had to put it all on the altar and let it go, because gripping onto these things so tightly was preventing me from being able to hear my next step, and from being able to find any peace or relief.

So after I had soaked up some sun, and surrendered, I looked over and thought, “Huh-I guess I could pull the dead leaves off of this chamomile plant.” And there it was-my next step.

And then as I was trimming the plant I heard, “I think you would probably feel a little better if you took a shower and got dressed in some of your cute new clothes.” Once again-there was my next step.

And then after I was clean and dressed I heard, “You know, it might just perk you up a little bit to do a load of laundry. But, hey-make sure you pay attention to me on this. I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO GO AND CLEAN THE ENTIRE HOUSE, DO YOU HEAR ME? One load of laundry, that’s it.”

And then I remembered that today is the day the new episode of my favorite podcast comes out.

And so it has gone today.

And eventually it will be time for my husband to come home, and I’ll have some company. And then it will be time for pizza Friday. And then it will be time to watch last night’s episode of “The Mentalist”. And then it will be time to watch my husband play his current video game, even though the music makes me want to rupture my own ear drums, (which I’ve actually done before-but not on purpose). And then it will be time to go to bed.

And then I will not only have survived, and made it through today, but I will have actually have thrived. Just a little bit.

A Review: Havi Brooks And Her Emergency Calming Techniques

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A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how I have giant Internet crush on the very cool Havi Brooks.

She is an expert in patterns and habits, specifically;

-how to gently and compassionately notice the patterns that are keeping you stuck

-how NOT to beat yourself up over the fact that you have patterns that keep you “stuckified”

-how to gather important information from these stuckified places

-and how to use that information to gently and easily create new patterns to get you where you actually want to be.

Havi has created a lot of great products to help us with our own, personal destuckification, and one of my favorites is her “Emergency Calming Techniques” kit, which includes

-a detailed e-book

-3 MP3 audios leading you through different calming techniques, according to whatever level of “freaking out” that you are currently experiencing (“emergency freakouts”, “when you need a dose of calm”, and a practice in “refining the art of calming down”)

-and an emergency “cheat sheet” for quick reference to the different calming techniques

One of the things I found most helpful about the e-book was the chapter that explains why, when we try a new personal growth technique, even if we’re really excited about it and committed to regularly practicing it in our everyday lives, it so often ends up not working for us. I can really relate to that right now, since I just spent this week gathering up all the programs I’ve personally bought over the past 7 years or so and then discarded. I want to clear out some space to try out some new things, and I was stunned to find that my “collection” takes up about a third of our den.

Of course, now that I’ve read this part of the e-book the explanation seems so obvious. But obviously it isn’t, as both my den and my credit card can attest. 😛

As Havi explains it, we humans are a complicated bunch, existing on a whole bunch of levels at the same time: physical, energetic, emotional, mental, and awareness. Yet most of us tend to hang out in the one or two levels that are most comfortable for us, and a great majority of the “helping” services and products that are out there are also specifically geared towards one, or maybe two levels at most.

But if we really want to make changes that work, and that last, we need to address our spots of “stuckification” on all the different levels. And that is what her e-book and her audios teach us how to do. First she gives a brief explanation of each of the five levels, and then she teaches you 10 Calming Techniques-5 you can perform “right out in the open”, and 5 to perform “behind closed doors”.

My favorite technique is called the Full Face Finger Flow, which combines activating certain pressure points on your face with specific calming, compassionate self-talk.

Which brings up a very good point: If you’re not really into anything “woo-woo”, or “wacky” (Havi’s word for it), this package probably isn’t for you. But it you enjoy exploring things like energy medicine (things like EFT and energy meridians) and self-actualizing techniques, I can’t recommend it highly enough. I have learned how to be so much kinder to myself by practicing these techniques, instead of automatically judging myself and beating myself up every time I bump up against a pattern or belief that is keeping me “stuckfied” and in pain. It’s really nice to know how to help myself in these situations, rather than just making myself feel worse.

If any of this feels like something that could help you get through your stuck spots a little bit more easily and gently, just click on the graphic at the top of this post, or you can click here.

And here’s to all of us learning how to be just a little bit kinder and gentler with ourselves.

Goals

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This weekend I attended a workshop on EFT and my classmates and I got into a discussion about all the different areas where we could use this great healing tool.

Since we were all women, unsurprisingly the conversation turned to the question of weight, and one woman offered this possible alternative view.

“Say you weigh 150 pounds, but you want to weigh 125,” she explained. “If you think about it, you do already weigh 125-plus a little extra. So you could use an affirmation that says ‘I am at my goal weight’ because you are.”

“That’s true,” piped up another woman. “Apparently a lot of us are just overachievers!”