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This Tiny Post Is Sponsored By My Need To Conserve All My Available Energy So That I Can Wash My Hair Later On Today

April 18, 2013 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

So, this is how my April has been going, as expressed via my Facebook news feed.

Saturday, April 6th: No one here can Air Guitar, but if there were a competition for “Air Kneading”, Tigger would win the grand prize.

Monday, April 8th: Saw this really great post about How Not To Say The Wrong Thing to people who are sick.

Also: It has only taken 15 years, but I have FINALLY completed our collection of all the state quarters. My little OCD heart is so happy.

Tuesday, April 9th: I’m listening to the workmen who are replacing the sections of my office wall that Tigger destroyed,and this is the conversation I’m hearing: “this brown wire…if you…I…BOOM.” I’m sure this is no cause for worry, right? Right?

Wednesday, April 10th: Dear Bailey: please stop staring, bug-eyed, at the front door as though we’re in imminent danger from a deranged serial killer. We both know there’s no one there, and you’re really creeping me out.

Friday, April 12: Looking forward to reading this book, In The Kingdom Of The Sick: A Social History Of Chronic Illness In America.

Sunday, April 14th: And yea, verily, the taxes were offered up at last, and lo, there was rejoicing throughout all the land, and the soon-to-be increased bank account did rise up and call the refund blessed.

Thursday, April 18th: Anxiously awaiting the arrival of my Amazon boyfriend. (Don’t tell my husband, but this will actually be his second visit this week.)

What’s been going on where you are?

 

Filed Under: CFG And The Week That Was

That’s Not Something You Hear…Ever

April 5, 2013 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

So I was at the dentist yesterday for a checkup and, not surprisingly, since it had been almost a year and a half since my last visit, the dentist informed me that I had some cavities.

He’d confirmed two of the suspect spots and was examining a third when he suddenly asked, “Do you smoke?”

“No,” I said, all my 40 years of Being A Good Girl rising up in horror that he might think such a thing of me.

“Oh, well this is just a really weird place to get a cavity.”

“I like to be unique,” I quipped.

“Yeah…I was really just hoping you smoked.”

And now I am very afraid.

Filed Under: CFG On Life In A Body

Upon Being Kicked Out Of My Husband’s Office For Talking Too Loudly On The Phone With My Mother

March 30, 2013 By Jenny Ryan 2 Comments

“Hm,” my mom said. “It’s not often someone tells you they have to leave a room because they’re interrupting someone’s space battle.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Only Ph.D I’m Likely To Have: Dr. Of Doing Things The Hard Way

March 22, 2013 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Dear Me:

When you are in so much fibro pain that you’re on the kind of medicine that they give to terminal cancer patients and it’s still not helping, it is not the time to try and figure out the meaning of life.

Filed Under: CFG And The Effects Of Fibromyalgia, CFG Dishes On Herself

Yet Another Sign Of The Fact That I Have Way Too Much Time On My Hands, Or, Is This Really Using My Powers For Good?

March 21, 2013 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

I don’t drink, but if I confess that I am occasionally tempted to start. Not because of the excruciating pain of my chronic illness, but because I spend all day alone with 3 cats.  Therefore, I have created the following fun drinking game based on the number of times in a day that have to say the same things over and over again to the cats.

1.    “Why the hell are you trying to reason with cats? YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO LOSE. Do you WANT to have a drinking problem?”  (YES/NO)

If NO, then proceed to a less painful activity, such as undergoing a root canal without the healing balm of Novocain, or watching a curling match on TV

If YES, then continue on to Question 2.

2.    Really? REALLY? Let’s just go back and have another look at Question 1, shall we?

If still YES, then please complete the following short survey:

-How many hours did you sleep last night?
-What is your pain level?
-Are you sure you’ve taken all your medications for today?
-Have you sent any texts to your husband that include the words “stabbing”, “sledgehammer”, or “running away from home”?
-On a scale of 1-10, how important is it really that Bailey stop “looking at me funny”?

If still YES, well, then on your own head be it; proceed to Step 3.

3. “Apparently you are delusional enough to think that you can actually get a cat to do what you want, so you might as well have a drink to ease the pain of your inevitable failure.”

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, CFG Dishes On Herself

Why I Love My Husband So Much: Reason 8

March 20, 2013 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

His skill at talking me down from the ledge when I interrupt him at the office with texts like,

“I’m 2 seconds away from going out to buy an icepick  so I can stab myself repeatedly in the temple, because that would be less painful than DEALING WITH THIS CAT!!”

Filed Under: CFG And The Laws Of Purr-modynamics, CFG On Love And Marriage

The Marathon, Or, I SO Did Not Sign Up For This

March 19, 2013 By Jenny Ryan 4 Comments

As I sat down yesterday to see if I could think of something to post about here, Cranky Fibro Girl suddenly appeared in front of me, striding briskly out of a glittering cloud of smoke. (She does love to make an entrance.)

“Hi Cranky Fibro Girl,” I said. “You’re looking well.”

“Why thank you,” she cooed, twirling in a small circle. “I’m trying out a new shade of lipstick. Like it?” She pursed her lips in an exaggerated pout.

“Nice,” I agree. “Fiery Red definitely suits you.”

“So,” she began, all business now,” Why’d you call this little meeting? What can I do for you?”

“We-ll,” I replied, drawing out the word as I attempted to gather my thoughts which, on this day, was a lot like trying to herd cats. “I was hoping you had an idea for what I should write about next. I’m feeling a little stuck.”

“Ooh, that’s no fun,” she agreed, then did a double take as she actually focused on me. “Oh, wow-I can see why you’re having trouble. You look like sh*t.”

“Oh, thank you so much,” I snapped. “That’s so helpful.”

“Whoa, no,” she protested, throwing up both hands to ward me off. “I just meant I can understand why you’re stuck because you look like you’re feeling awful.”

“You got that right.” I smiled weakly to show that there were no hard feelings. “I’m in one of those patches where this stupid illness feels like a marathon that is never EVER going to end.”

“So why don’t you write about that?”

“Because I can’t think of any new way to say that I feel awful and that there doesn’t appear to be any relief in sight. And I don’t want to depress people, or bore them, or make them worry that I’m suicidal or anything.”

“Does it need to be said in a “new” way? she asked. “I mean, it is how you feel, and one of the reasons that people come to your blog is that you ‘tell it like it is’ when it comes to having fibromyalgia. Are people really looking for something shiny and different? Maybe they’re in a marathon too, and just want some reassurance that they’re not alone in this, and that there’s someone else who really gets what they’re going through.”

“That’s a good point,” I replied “and that definitely takes the pressure off of me-even though I’m the one who put it there in the first place. Thanks!”

“My pleasure. I’d stay and chat some more, but I have a mani-pedi in ten minutes and I don’t want to be late. Ta!”

She disappeared with a glittery pop before I had the chance to thank her, but I knew she’d get the message when she read this post.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a hot date with my pain meds, my jammies, my iPad, and my couch. And if you’re running your own marathon today, may you too find the support you need to help carry you through this next long stretch.

You are not alone.

This totally sucks.

I really do get it.

 

Filed Under: CFG And The Effects Of Fibromyalgia

They Make A Good Point

March 16, 2013 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

Driving to the library this morning I passed a sign which asked, “If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cared, then why is there a song about it?”

Filed Under: CFG About Town

A Quick Question

March 14, 2013 By Jenny Ryan 1 Comment

OK-I’m hoping you guys can help me with a quick poll.

I’m thinking of putting together an ebook of favorite posts from this blog. If you’re one of my regular readers, could you tell me if you have any posts that are particular favorites? I know what mine are, but I wanted to get some other opinions.

Thanks so much!

Filed Under: CFG Goes Online

You Guys-We Can Help Make The Veronica Mars Movie Happen!

March 13, 2013 By Jenny Ryan Leave a Comment

So I don’t know if anyone else here was a fan of the show “Veronica Mars” when it was on TV back in the early 2000’s, but  I LOVED that show. Keith Mars; the dad that everyone wanted. Logan Echolls; sexy bad-boy who just wanted someone to love him. Wallace Fennel, best friend and sidekick extraordinaire. The mega-rich ‘o9-ers; the snobby kids we all loved to hate.

Sadly, it only lasted for 3 seasons, and I couldn’t even bring myself to watch the final 3 episodes because I knew that when I did, there wouldn’t be any more.

BUT-a glimmer of hope has struck from out of the blue, and now we the fans can help make a “Veronica Mars” movie a reality.

Rob Thomas has launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund the movie, and if they can raise $2 million dollars by April 12 then they will film the movie this summer. (We interrupt this blog post for some uncontrollable SQUEE!!-ing.)

There are all kinds of gifts you can get, depending on the amount you donate, which of course would be sprinkles on the icing on the “Veronica Mars” cake.

So go, quickly, and get thee to the donation page. We’ve got a movie to make!

Filed Under: CFG Goes Online

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