Because Sometimes, You Just Cannot Escape The Golf

So last week I was visiting my parents, and one evening we were watching a golf tournament on TV. I believe it was called the “Whatever The Hell Was On The Golf Channel At 8:00 Last Friday Night” Open.

I don’t really remember a lot of the details but I do remember that they were playing at Torrey Pines, because whenever they would cut away from the “action” of the match (and I use that term here in the loosest possible sense of the word). they would show all these breathtaking aerial shots of the course and its surrounding area.

Unfortunately, the only good part of watching this tournament was kind of wrecked by the fact that the sports announcers felt they had to fill up every single non-playing moment with something to say, a behavior that can quickly become excruciatingly tedious when combined with a “sport” which breaks down into approximately 0.000025% Actual Expenditure Of Energy and 89,000% Walking Grimly To Another Location.

So during one of the cutaways anchors Kelly Tilghman and Nick Faldo were chatting briefly about the course and how beautiful it is (and it really is, as much as it pains me to use that particular adjective to describe anything golf-related), and Kelly asked Nick, “So out of all the courses you’ve played in the world, how would you rank this one?”

“Hm,” Nick replied thoughtfully. “On a scale of 1-10? I’d give it an 11.”

“So,” Kelly said, “eleven would be the best, right?”

Did you hear that?

That is the sound of a century of progress smashing face-first into a giant brick wall.