“Why does my office smell like pee?”
So today I had my very first ever acupuncture session, and oh, it was GLORIOUS.
I went in with a migraine, spent 20 minutes with the needles, and left with a neck so smooth and devoid of knots that I probably have not experienced since the womb.
As I left, the medical assistant gave me a chart that had suggested food to increase, and suggested foods to decrease. I read over it quickly as I was getting ready to leave, to make sure I didn’t have any questions.
The foods to increase looked good, with lots of fruit-LOVE my fruit.
Then I read the list of foods to decrease: chicken-ok, I can do that; corn-I’ll miss it, but it won’t be the end of the world; goat…
“Uh, yeah,” I said to the medical assistant. “I DON’T think that one’ll be a problem.”
“The guts and the glory”.
It was only by the grace of God that “the guts” did not win, (although not from any lack of trying on Tigger’s part), NOR did I have to touch a lizard.
Although that was a close one.
Me (on an emergency phone call with my husband who, unhelpfully, is at work): “OK, I’ve gotten the cats out of the bedroom, and the lizard is trapped under the dirty laundry on the bathroom floor.”
My husband: “OK, well, can’t you just scoop it up?”
Me: “No, I can’t ‘just scoop it up’! I’M NOT A BOY!”
I had to get adjusted the other day because my jaw was seriously out of joint.
Unfortunately, the adjustment to fix it and resultant aftermath were just as painful as when it was out of joint.
After he worked on me my chiropractor looked down and said, “Are you all right.”
“Mm hm,” I responded.
“Are you sure?”
‘Oh yeah, believe me. Otherwise there would’ve been swearing. YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN.”
Recently my husband was finishing up a video game called “Personas”, where you combine the special superpowers you’ve earned into special things called “Personas” that then help you fight the darkness in The Leaning Tower Of Evil which is only open from midnight to 1 am, and yada yada yada, you get the picture.
So the other night I happened to walk into the living room just aftre he’d created a brand new Persona.
“It’s a lady, wearing a lampshade on her head, and riding a giant peacock,” said my husband, just in case I hadn’t noticed all of those details for myself.
“Well sure,” I deadpanned. “I do that all the time when you’re not here.”
I didn’t think he’d heard me, because he absolutely cannot do more than one thing at once.
But as I walked into our bedroom, drifting faintly behind me I heard, “Um, baby-we need to talk.”
In the fun Friday tradition of Havi Brooks, I’ve decided to post a little update on my own week. So here we have, “The Week That Was: The Good, and The Hard”.
We have discovered two new TV shows to watch over the summer-“Leverage” and “White Collar”.
Even More Good: “Leverage” stars Christian Kane. Oh, The Hotness!
This weekend I am reorganizing my office to include these, to help me better organize all my ongoing projects. Oh, how my soul doth love to organize. Especially when it involves getting to buy cool organizing products!
I went to check in with my Primary Care Physician this week to tell him all about my surgery and get some blood work done. I really like to see him because when he examines me he says things like, “Oh, your scars are looking good. You can barely tell they’re there. So I guess that means he [the surgeon] didn’t spill any goo inside ya.” Also, when I showed him my heels, [OMG, you guys, my heels! It’s like I’m growing goat hooves down there] he said, “Oh, they’re fine. They’re just a little crusty.”
A new book by Scott Turow to read on my iTouch.
My parents calling me from a trip to tell me one of the most hysterical stories I’ve heard in a long time.
My weekly session with Lynne, who always reminds me to be kind to myself, and to be easy on myself, and to let myself off the hook.
4 weeks so far of doing really well at learning how to rebuild my diet. Actually learning how to cook and enjoying it for the first time ever.
Plus all the cool benefits that eating much more healthily brings.
3 out of 5 days with no doctor’s appointments
After seriously scorching two of our pots, buying myself a way cool new rice cooker. And my next door neighbor, who introduced me to Citrus Safe, the Scorcher-Getter-Offer.
Pain. Too many days of it.
Fibromyalgia flare-ups that would shoot from 0 to 8 in an instant.
Pain from the swelling caused when I went up on the dosage of the medicine I use to manage the fibromyalgia pain.
Being in pain for so long that it made every step of every thing I did this week feel like climbing Mt. Everest.
My husband was away at a conference for 2 nights and 3 days, and even though he was just at a hotel downtown, I was totally overwhelmed by having to be the only grownup around here for all that time.
Our toilets, AND HOW I HATE THEM WITH THE WHITE HOT INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS!!!!
OMG, TUESDAY NIGHT!
Both toilets were broken at the same time
I failed at learning how to plunge a toilet while being talked through it over the phone
I was scarily upset at my inability to learn and master this new skill
There was cat sh*t in my tub-so much for a relaxing bath
There was cat barf e-ver-y-where you looked, with no signs of stooping
Having used up all of my very limited energy buying the groceries I had absolutely no energy left with which to cook with them
Stupid new healthy diet meant I couldn’t just go and get some fast food
2 doctor visits, both of which were far away, in 2 days
The 1 1/2 hrs needed to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen, just in case I managed to find a few, tiny bits of energy for cooking a meal
Having to hold my sh*t together all by myself for 48 hours straight while being outnumbered, 3-1, by the cats
And Then Some MAJOR Good-a husband who drove 30 minutes home and 30 minutes back to his conference just to spend 15 minutes here rescuing me from the cats and the house, and who was happy to do so because he loves me and always takes care of me.
Despite my magical thinking that somehow all my health problems would magically be solved by my gallbladder surgery, I still have fibromyalgia. I feel like I’ve let everyone down by still being sick and by having to admit that I really don’t feel well a lot of the time. (Even though the only place I’m hearing that is from the mean voice inside my head).
Doing too much and reactivating my post-surgery pain.
So this was very much a week of both/and for me.
Please feel free to share with us how your week went, if you feel so inspired.
Also: ANY suggestions on how to reverse the goat-hoof-heels trend would be MUCH appreciated.
I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your contribution to my session with Lynne today. I’ve found that cat barf really helps me take things to a deeper level whenever I am in the middle of intense, self-healing work.
Given that we have now been living in our house for over ten years, my husband and I are no strangers to the world of home repairs. As a matter of fact, I have just now had to flee my house as the roofers have been at work since 7 AM, pounding their Shingles Of Death directly into my nervous system. And in order to make my escape I had to use my husband’s and my “emergency code” to inform him that, not only had the roofers parked their van directly behind my spot in the garage, they had also begun using it as a temporary dump for all their stuff, stuff that apparently was being thrown away in the imaginary dumpster located right next to the real-life dumpster, which, incidentally, was blocking the other side of our garage.) And so, I COULD NOT GET OUT.
And lo, there was a giant meltdown in the land. Because, if you know anything about fibromyalgia, one of its possible causes-as well as one of its most debilitating symptom-is a sensory processing disorder. As in, your system is unable to process all the sensory stimulation it receives. As in, there are times when the experience of air touching your skin can be the most excruciating thing you’ve ever experienced. As in, if you are ever looking for a way to torture and/or murder one of us, sending a crew to pound on our roof All. Day. Long. is definitely the way to go.
Oh, and by the way: if you also instruct your Latin American roof crew to just gaze at us and respond, “Huh?” with blank, uncomprehending stares when we ask them, IN FLAWLESS SPANISH, if they could please move their truck out of our driveway, so that we can PLEASE, PLEASE GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE!!, forcing us to have to revert to Stupid American Loud Talking And Giant, Idiotic Gestures, that will pretty much be the final nail in our coffin.
However: despite everything, this is actually the best home repair experience we’ve had since we’ve lived here. Everyone showed up when they said they would, did everything they said they would do, in the time they said it would take them to do it, and now, with the exception of the dumpster which has yet to be picked up and carried away, you can’t even tell that anyone was even working on our house two days ago.
Unfortunately, that has not always been our the case for us.
Owning a cordless phone with four handsets, none of which are ever in the same physical location as you are when the phone starts to ring.
When you pull four fresh pillowcases out of the linen closet, none of which match each other, or the cases on the pillows whose covers you are changing.