Lost In Translation: Awkward Signs From Around The World

And after I saw number 35, I wanted to know how I too could become an “ass manager”.

A teenager wearing a T-shirt which proclaimed,

“Cancel my subscription: I’m done with your issues.”

is this website called Bldg98.

It bills itself as “social networking for writers, artists, photographers, graphic artists, readers, critics, basically anyone who appreciates creativity created by people who share that love.”

I like it because it looks like it’s just getting started, with a little under 500 members now, and it seems like a very neat community.

I also like it because a significant portion of your profile page consists of space where you can feature your work. That’s great news for me, because lord knows more people need to be reading about my intense fear of imaginary snakes, my discussions regarding inappropriate cat poo and the unfortunately large role it plays in my life, and my exploration of the multitude of ways I have found to work the word “ass” into everyday conversation.

So yesterday my husband showed me one of the funniest things I have ever read online, and OF COURSE I have to share it with you here.

But before I give you the link, I’ve devised a quiz to help you know whether or not you should actually read this for yourself. The quiz is comprised of one, important question:

Quiz: “Testicle” is a funny word.

If your answer is “yes”, go ahead and click away: The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses

If your answer is “no”, LOOK! A cat in a box!

Many thanks to my dad for passing this along.

Aircraft Maintenance

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight UPS pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

The 56 Geeks Poster.

Need I say more?

I believe I qualify in the categories of Trek, Portable, Book and TV Geeks.

You can order your very own copy here.

The last few weeks have been kind of rough around here, so I wanted to start off this week with a list of some of the good things that have been showing up for me.

1. Rain. Maybe now we here in Georgia can start playing nicely again with Florida and Alabama.

2.

I pink puffy heart anything that adds to my mad grammar skillz as a word nerd.

3.

l never really learned any of the important “girly-girl” skills like makeup or hairstyling. Probably because of all the time I spent focusing on my grammar skills. Because we all know that Word Nerds are HOT! and are totally the stuff of high school boys’ dreams.

4.

This stuff is amazing!

5.

Thanks to Lianne’s nomination, I won a blog award for my post, “Those Two Little Words”. You can check out the rest of the winners here.

6. The BBC show “Top Gear”. I never in life thought I would voluntarily watch a show about cars, but this show is HYSTERICAL. For example, in the show I watched yesterday the 3 hosts:

-gave a bad review to a car based on the fact that “It looks like a scrotum.”

-decided to build a convertible mini-van, to further illustrate that episode’s theme of “convertibles”. They picked the best mini-van they could find, but their feeling was that that didn’t really say much for the vehicle. In their opinion, saying that you drove the “best” mini-van was akin to saying, “Oh, yay! I’ve got syphilis-the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!”

7. My parents came to see me this weekend on a “get well and feel better soon” mission. They brought me the following cartoons:

(From the Facebook “Bumper Sticker” application.)