You Know You Have Fibro If…

You know you have fibro if…you’re so exhausted from lying down that you have to go and lie down.

You know you have fibro if…you dream for someone to tell you what to wear, because having to create an outfit yourself makes you weep.

You know you have fibro if…you start to tear up at the thought of the energy necessary to lift your arms above you head and wash your hair.

You know you have fibro if…you lack clean dishes and you start thinking that the 5-second rule is probably more like the 1.5 hour rule.

You know you have fibro if…the fact that you must wake up and experience the air touching your skin causes an existential crisis.

You know you have fibro if…sometimes you wish you couldn’t remember your old life, so you wouldn’t know what you’ve lost.

You know you have fibro if…the only part of you that hasn’t been poked, examined, tested, or diagnosed is the lint in your belly button.

You know you have fibro if…your desire for non-swollen ankles outweighs your horror of donning support hose.

You know you have fibro if…you wonder if you qualify for an emergency government food airlift that lands directly next to your couch.

You know you have fibro if…you’ve been out of touch for so long you think using “fibro” instead of “fibromyalgia” makes you hip and cool.

You know you have fibro if…Sunday night means cozying up with 10,000 pill bottles and a giant box.

You know you have fibro if…you know better than to get too excited at a no-pain day, and you have your pain meds ready at Defcon 1.

You know you have fibro if…you have five doctor’s appointments in five days.

And the 5 doctors are all located in different, neither-close-to-you-nor-close-to-each-other parts of your city.

And then you know you have fibro if…despite your best magical thinking attempts, you find that you don’t actually have the stamina for 5 doctor’s appointments in 5 days.

You know you have fibro if…it takes you an hour to get dressed, but no one gets what a big deal it is that you accomplished it anyway.

You know you have fibro if…when deciding on frozen dinners, having to choose between bone-in and boneless chicken brings you to tears.

You know you have fibro if…Ultram is your boyfriend.

You know you have fibro if…Ultram is your boyfriend AND you are also totally cheating on it with Darvocet.

You know you have fibro if…you love your massage therapist so much that you want to marry her and have her babies.

You know you have fibro if…exhaustion, pain and being beaten down by life is pretty much your middle name. And sometimes your last name too.

You know you have fibro if…despite the picking, scraping buzzing, etc., you are so exhausted that you fall asleep in the dentist’s chair.

You know you have fibro if…you spend so much time alone at home with only the cats that your relationship has devolved to the point where you spend all your time tattling to your husband about the the fact that “they keep looking at me funny!!” and, “they won’t stop touching me!”

You know you have fibro if…you are constantly having to choose between the lesser of two bad side effects.

You know you have fibro if…you have a Ph.D in appreciating the little things in life. And you’re pretty much over it.

You know you have fibro if…there’s only so much “inspiration” you can take before you just have to start stabbing people.

You know you have fibro if…you have an out-of-joint jaw, an 8 fibro pain, and 0 anxiety medication, and your response is, “Hm-must be a day that ends in -day.”

You know you have fibro if…your good intentions cannot only pave the road to all seven circles of hell, but all the roads to at least 75% of the planets as well.

You know you have fibro if…you do everything you’re “supposed” to do, and some days you just have really bad pain anyway.

You know you have fibro if…on those days, you just need to be reminded that this is what having a chronic illness looks like.

You know you have fibro if…no matter what you’re wearing or how you look when it strikes, you have learned to get up and go the moment you feel you can exercise, shop, clean, etc.

You know you have fibro if…suddenly feeling better after a streak of painful days is just as disorienting as suddenly feeling pain after a streak of good days.

You know you have fibro if…wait…what was I saying? And why am I in the kitchen again?

You know you have fibro if…”playing chicken” now means facing off with your illness to see who blinks first: your fibro, in the giving of pain; or you, in the succumbing to the pain and the need to take some very strong painkillers.

You know you have fibro if…you need to lie down from the pain, but the pressure of the bed against your skin makes the pain 100x worse.

You know you have fibro if…you’ve been to at least three new doctors to explore different pain relief methods and the first question they ask you when you tell them you have fibro is, “And how do you know that?”

You know you have fibro if…you’ve undergone so many medical procedures, that when someone needs to share about “the most disgusting thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life”, you are the person they call.

You know you have fibro if…a part of you sees emergency gallbladder surgery as a kind of vacation from having to deal with your chronic illness.

You know you have fibro if…the hope of magical thinking springs eternal in you.

You know you’ve been in pain for too many days…when you start referring to things like putting on pants as “having to climb Mt. Everest.”

You know you have fibro if…your criteria for deciding whether or not to break open the heavy duty painkillers are things like, “Hm, are my eyelids burning yet?”

You know you have fibro if…instead of numbers, your time-telling devices all have designations like, “Everything Makes Me Weep O’clock”.

You know you’ve been housebound for way to long when, after a brief foray into the sun, you pick up your keys to go back inside and then burn yourself because you’ve forgotten that SUN MAKES METAL *REALLY* HOT.

You know you have fibro if…when showering, you wonder how you could possibly fit a bed in there, or at least a small chair, because you’re too tired to stand up  through the entire thing.

You know you have fibro if…you try your hardest to convince your body that 150mg of Lyrica is the same as 300mg so you can please God!, get some relief from the swelling. But no matter how hard you try, it just won’t work.

You know you have fibro if…sometimes you just NEED the French fries, or, (as I like to call it), “Carbohydrate Therapy”.

You know you have fibro if…your prayers frequently read as follows: Dear God-I’m still not OK with the whole fibromyalgia thing, but I do appreciate the fact that getting a really good haircut does help ease things a bit.

And any math you’re required to do looks like this: French Fries + Coke + Percocet + Mindlessly Surfing The Internet=Truly, Does Life Get Any Better Than This?

You know you have fibro if…you strongly believe that your right to wear jammies all day should be protected by The Constitution.

You know you have fibro if…sometimes you just have to go after what you really want, even though you know you’ll pay for it afterward.

You know you have fibro if…you have a billion frequent flier miles from all the times you have had to visit the State of “Numb With Exhaustion”.

You know you have fibro if…you count your day as a success because you you did NOT vacuum the house while suffering a raging migraine.

You know you have fibro if…you need a pharmacy’s worth of medications just so that your body can do a mere fraction of what healthy people can w/out even having to think about it.

You know you have fibro if…legally speaking, your name should be “Magical Thinking”.

You know you have fibro if…you can no longer wear clothes with zippers, belts, buttons, buckles, snaps, or any other kind of fastening.

You know you have fibro if…no matter how quickly you walk, you inevitably lag at least 2 feet behind the rest of your group.

You know you have fibro if…your husband has begun to refer to all of your attempts at movement as “glacial”.

You know you’ve been in pain for too many days in a row when, even though your rational mind knows that you’ve only pulled a muscle in your chest, the REST of your mind keeps screaming that you actually have walking pneumonia/breast cancer/and/or some fatal, unidentified chest-pain disease.

You know you have fibro if…Dammit! Why do so many of the things I need to do require you to wear pants?

You know you have fibro if… your husband’s frequent reaction to seeing your hair is actual alarm.

You know you have fibro if…you day is made or broken, depending on whether or not NCIS is a rerun.

You know you have fibro if…you watch a commercial for “Pajama Jeans” and thought, “What a great idea!.”  And then you start to think that maybe you haven’t really given the “Snuggie” a fair chance.

You know you have fibro if…you really need summer television to BE HERE ALREADY! so you can start telling the days apart again.

You know you have fibro (fog) if…you pull out of the drive-through window at the bank and then realize you’ve stolen the deposit tube.

You know you have fibro if…the most passion you’ve been able to feel for months is directed at your Kindle and its “1-click purchase” button.

You know you have fibro if…you’ve  just finished a 1-hr. search of the house for something you couldn’t find, and then realized you’d been looking for an item that you’ve  never actually owned.

You know you have fibro if…you’ve ever yelled out, “Hey, God-if I have to navigate the world in a body that moves and feels like lead, then putting on pants should burn AT LEAST A BILLION CALORIES! I’m just sayin’.”

You know you have fibro if…you haven’t  just fallen off the information highway, you’ve crashed into a 15-car pileup, slammed through the guardrails, flipped end-over-end into the gulley, and then fallen down a well.

You know you have fibro if…your pants are never, ever, EVER coming off again, SO HELP YOU GOD, because it has just taken you the last 5 hours to get them on.

You know you have fibro if…you’ve been in so much pain for so long that you’ve lost your mind, and therefore think it is *totally* appropriate to do a workout video that contains the word “Bootcamp” in the title.

You know you have fibro if…you can have clean hair, or you can put on pants, but you can’t have both at the same time.

You know you have fibro if…you are frequently mistaken for a cast member on The Walking Dead.

You know you have fibro if…your skill at dealing out your daily medications rivals that of any professional Blackjack dealer.

You know you have fibro if…your best choices are always the “least worst” options.

You know you have fibro if…you are constantly walking the tightrope between suffering the symptoms of fibromyalgia, and suffering the side effects of the medicines you use to treat them.

 

 

38 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 March 7

    You know you have fibro if…you cannot remember what *not* having it feels like.

  2. 2010 March 8

    Oh yeah.

  3. 2010 April 7
    SueDonoghue permalink

    You know you have fibro when… you smile smugly because you haven’t forgotten that you have to do X on Wednessday… but doh! you did forget that Wednessday was yesterday!(tuck smug smile away for use later)Sigh!

  4. 2010 June 16

    Oh, I really, really like your blog and can relate to each and every one. Today is the day where I cannot lift my arms over my head so I just sit down and let my head fall between my legs in the shower. They don’t have to go as far. Or so I think. I think I just like to sit down in the shower.

  5. 2010 June 17

    You don’t know me and I don’t know if you’ll appreciate a lovely blog award but I wanted others to read this and enjoy it as much as I do! If you like you can pass it on!

  6. 2010 July 19

    @Sue-oh, so very, very true

    @Rosemary-thanks so much for your kind words :) I’m so glad you’re finding things here to help you

  7. 2010 August 7

    Oh boy, this says it all. I need to save this. I am glad I am not alone if I have to have this hideous disease..thanks for sharing a little humor!

    Barb

  8. 2010 August 7

    I love this!!!! This is sooooo true!

  9. 2010 August 18

    I can relate to every single one of these except the painkiller ones because our doctors here frown on painkillers for fibro patients. Rock on, I love your blog!!!

  10. 2010 September 21

    LOVE this site. I write about Fibromyalgia (and all different topics) on my blog too. So happy I found this!!!

  11. 2010 September 22
    GeewWaap permalink

    You know you have Fibro & Reynaud’s when the pain from the aching, numb toes is racing the muscle pain from your hip to see who reaches your knee first!!

    I don’t do the painkillers either but this blog made me want to cry and laugh hysterically, thank you so much!!

  12. 2011 February 7
    Tracy permalink

    I am so so glad I found you! I got diagnosed with Fibro 11 yrs. ago & it seems as if its getting worse. I really need daily support I can go to… Please add me on facebook & follow on twitter fb is tracy williams gordon – i’ve added u as a favorite on twitter – this is fantastic ! thanks ;)

  13. 2011 February 9

    Oh yes… sharing this, too. I don’t take “pain” medication (Tylenol, Aleve, Advil, Motrin… those are not “pain” medication) because the only one that didn’t make me puke was Darvocet. I have cursed the entire FDA to the deepest, blackest pit in Hell and hope they suffer an eternity of fibromyalgia.

  14. 2011 February 10

    Well, I’m sorry you guys are so intimately acquainted with what I talk about here, but it is to know that we’re not alone.

    So, welcome!

  15. 2011 March 15

    Appreciating the dedication you put into your site and in depth information you provide. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed material. Excellent read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  16. 2011 March 26

    I write about Fibro and many different things on my blog. One of the latest blogs I posted was the Ultimate Fibro Fog. We were driving (that should have been my first hint) to see my in-laws, 2 hours away (SIC) and I sat in the car, until we arrived there and I couldn’t get out of the car. Why? I forgot I had Fibro and didn’t remember to stop, get out of the car, stretch. The ultimate Fibro Fog, forgetting you have Fibromyalgia. I was not proud!

  17. 2012 February 16
    Clairepie permalink

    You know you have fibro when… the “husband seats” in clothing shops are “fibro seats.”

    I just wish my fiancé was able to try on the clothes for me.

  18. 2012 May 18
    patricia permalink

    since laughter truly is the best medicine, i much prefer mine to come in a bottle of humorous sarcasm. so glad to have found a new pharmacy- “cranky fibro girl”! i’ll be refilling my laughter bottle regularly & even tho i haven’t read everything yet, i’ve just about fallen off my chair from laughing & my cheeks hurt from smiling! cool! here’s my 2¢ worth- you know you have fibro if… you have to do stretching exercises first thing in the morning while sitting on the ‘pot’ BECUZ you’re too stiff to bend. come on! how fun is it to exercise just so you can wipe! you know you have fibro if… while pulling your bra strap up to your shoulder, your thumb decides to quit working & the hand continues it’s upward motion & you punch yourself in the face! (the same face i regularly slam the phone into seeing as how my muscle coordination is on permanent vacation.) *i’ve had fibro since ’84 & can even trace some symptoms back to childhood* HOW SPECIAL… not.

  19. 2012 August 6
    TillySue permalink

    I just “discovered” you through the Best Fibro Blogs article. I just copy/pasted half of these to my hubs because they made me laugh until I cried. Humor and sarcasm are TOTALLY the way I “handle” things. When I had a tumor removed a couple of years ago we made the worst cancer jokes ever, lol. I know it shocked a lot of people, but it was the way we handle it. Once we got the “benign” report the cancer jokes ended. But now that fibro has taken over my (our) life these are right up my alley :) I understand those who want to be positive and butterflies and daisies, but I like the way you think, lol.

  20. 2012 September 8
    Sherry permalink

    I just read this for the first time, after having some of the worst couple of days of my life. I had gone to so many dr’s who had so much conflicting info, that I allowed myself to go into denial that I had a chronic illness…how “foggy” is that? I laughed at this article until I cried, especially about watching too much tv and spending too much time on the net…I have been letting the “healthy” people inadvertently convince me that I am just lazy…so thanks, I really needed to see this to get in touch again!

  21. 2012 November 22
    Lincoln permalink

    You know you have fibro if…your sleep comes in 3-4 hour chunks. And it feels normal now.

    You know you have fibro if…some days you hurt too much to go out to the parking lot and drive your car. Other days, you’d be housebound without being able to drive.

    You know you have fibro if…you’d never type a post this long without cut and paste.

    You know you have fibro if…making the bed now gives you the same great feeling you had when you were 6.

    You know you have fibro if…you feel guilty for being too tired to walk your friends from the apartment door to the elevator…30 feet away.

  22. 2013 April 9
    Stephanie permalink

    I have totally left the bank with the deposit tube. That’s too funny!

  23. 2013 April 12

    Best list EVER.

  24. 2013 April 12

    @Eartha: Thanks!

    @Stephanie-OK, I feel better knowing I’m not the only one who does things like that :)

  25. 2013 April 15
    Nancy permalink

    You Rock Cranky Girl!!!!
    I didn’t know chest pain is part of this lovely disease. After a month of unbelievable stress, (yes I tried my realaxation tools from the Mayo Clinic and need a refund) An ambulance arrived after my husband called because I collapsed in the hallway and said (I can’t @*#$&$& take it anymore and I think I am having a heart attack) I am 56 and refused to go to the hospital and the ETs said I should go if the chest pain didn’t stop so 48 hours later, pain killers, anxiety medicine and Lyrica not working I ended up in the ER to make it STOP. I have dealt w this for eight yeares after a couple of bouts of mono and pneumonia and a RA diagnosis which I just laughed off and continued to work. YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FIBRO when your boss tells you to go home and sleep. That was January 31st 2009 and I am still sleeping most of the time. I LOVE YOUR BLOG. I haven’t had the time (too busy catching up on Young and the Restless and QVC) to do any research lately and came accross your blog. THANK YOU SO MUCH~~Nancy By the way have you tried Revitalix or Savella??? Just wondering I found out about it tonight. I look forward to hearing more from you when I have the energy or anger to get on the compute.

  26. 2013 September 28

    You know you have fibro when…you forget simple words and replace them with words that make no sense at all. We were at Best Buy looking for a calculator and I ended up asking for a cucumber. At least they started with the same letter. I often do this and get the strangest looks! Sometimes I just forget the word completely and stand there hoping someone knows what I’m talking about!

    I love your website! I’m glad I found it because we all need a good laugh every once in a while!

    Gentle Hugs,
    Bonnie

  27. 2013 September 28

    Thanks so much! Welcome :)

  28. 2013 December 13
    Heather permalink

    you know you have fibro when you finally break down, go to the “old people” medical supply store and buy a pair of compression hosiery because you can no longer tolerate the pain in your ankles and calves when you try to go shopping, and you no longer care that wearing them makes you look like one of those old people.

  29. 2014 May 16
    Louise permalink

    You hit the nail on the head! I thought I was loosing my mind or imagining it. Even though I’ve been diagnosed for 6 years I still feel guilty about having it. That’s nuts right! Because I’m not laying in bed anymore in pain and anguish people think I’m better. Well, I’m not. I’m just struggling everyday to be a productive member of society and I’m tired of it and everything around it! And I hope that sounds bitter because I am. You make this fibro crap laughable. Thanks.

  30. 2014 June 27

    This is hilarious! No brain cells currently to add to the list, but I would if I had it in me lol. Maybe I’ll remember to come back to do that. I did bookmark this page! lol

  31. 2014 June 27
    Jenny permalink

    Thanks :)

  32. 2014 July 16
    Molly permalink

    You know you have fibro when you read, then reread every single post 3 times before remembering you’re on a blog about fibromyalgia. … What was I saying?

  33. 2014 July 16
    Molly permalink

    Or you know you have fibromyalgia when you start rating body posture on the pain scale and you can swear you know who’s in pain and who isn’t just by looking at them.

  34. 2014 July 25
    Amber permalink

    Thanks for making my “I can’t pick myself up off the couch day” so much more enjoyable. I think your blog is a true representation of living with Fibromyalgia. So glad I found this blog!

  35. 2014 September 10
    Sandy permalink

    So freakin’ true, all of ‘em! Thank you so much for the laugh/cry! I really needed that today!

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