Catching Up On Some Correspondence

2012 April 21
by Jenny

Dear My Hair:

We were doing so well together. What happened? Do you like spending every day in a Time Out Ponytail?

Dear Shameless Raccoon Who Keeps Blatantly Flaunting Your Presence On Our Deck In The Middle Of The Day:

We are not your personal, snack-filled vending machine.

GO AWAY!

Dear My Pain Meds:

I know we’ve been spending¬† a lot of time together lately. I so appreciate that you are always there for me when I need you.

But could you p-l-e-a-s-e stop trashing my nervous system with your raucous, frat-boy party-like side effects as I wean myself off of you?

KTHXBAI.

Dear My Body:

I am so sorry that I took this pain-free morning as a sign that I could do 30 minutes of high-intensity aerobics, 10 minutes of Dance of Shiva, and then15 minutes raking up cat hair from my office floor.

Sometimes I get being-sick amnesia and then I do stupid things. Sorry about that.

Dear My Mood Cycling, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorders:

Dude-seriously: CHILL THE F***OUT ALREADY.

I’ve kind of got a lot on my plate right now.

I mean, did you not read the part about the Raccoon-Slaying, Amnesiac, Exploding Hair Rebellion? Geez.

Work with me here, people.

Dear My Primary Care Physician Of 13 Years Who Retired Last December 31st And Did Not Tell Me About It:

NOT cool dude. Not cool.

Dear My Kindle:

I love you. Please marry me.

Be there in a sec.

XOXO

 

 

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