I don’t drink, but if I confess that I am occasionally tempted to start. Not because of the excruciating pain of my chronic illness, but because I spend all day alone with 3 cats. Therefore, I have created the following fun drinking game based on the number of times in a day that have to say the same things over and over again to the cats.
1. “Why the hell are you trying to reason with cats? YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO LOSE. Do you WANT to have a drinking problem?” (YES/NO)
If NO, then proceed to a less painful activity, such as undergoing a root canal without the healing balm of Novocain, or watching a curling match on TV
If YES, then continue on to Question 2.
2. Really? REALLY? Let’s just go back and have another look at Question 1, shall we?
If still YES, then please complete the following short survey:
-How many hours did you sleep last night?
-What is your pain level?
-Are you sure you’ve taken all your medications for today?
-Have you sent any texts to your husband that include the words “stabbing”, “sledgehammer”, or “running away from home”?
-On a scale of 1-10, how important is it really that Bailey stop “looking at me funny”?
If still YES, well, then on your own head be it; proceed to Step 3.
3. “Apparently you are delusional enough to think that you can actually get a cat to do what you want, so you might as well have a drink to ease the pain of your inevitable failure.”