Today I am feeling down. I’ve reached the point where I’ve been in so much pain for so long that I have run out of words. There just aren’t any more ways that I can think of to say, “I hurt. I am weary. Just putting on pants feels like climbing Mt. Everest. Dear fibromyalgia: YOU SUCK GIANT DONKEY BALLS.” Well, OK-that last one never gets old.
I’ll let Rob Thomas’ song, “Her Diamonds” speak for me today. He wrote it for his wife, who’s also suffered with chronic illness.
Oh what the hell she said
I just can’t win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there’s so many times
I don’t know what I’m doing
Like I don’t know now
By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it’s funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
But if she feels bad then i do too
So I let her be
And she says oh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best but now she can’t win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
Today is a day for me to go back to basics.
Today my question is, “How can I help myself feel a little bit more comfortable?”, not, “What can I clear off of my To Do list?”
Today I need to ask, “What would feel soft, and gentle, and soothing?” instead of “How many words can I write?”
Today I revert to my “default” settings; the activities I can actually manage when I hit bottom. For me that is pain medicine, jammies, the couch, TV, mystery novels, and a cold drink.
Today I declare that this is enough.