Today, in this week’s installment of my series dedicated to sharing some things I’ve found that help me to feel a little more comfortable when Im having a Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day, I am excited to be featuring one of my recent favorite blog posts written by my friend, Michelle Russell, of Practice Makes Imperfect. Enjoy!
Molecules Charged with Conspiracy, Intent to Overwhelm
FRONTAL LOBES, BRAIN – Intracellular police apprehended several fleeing epinephrine molecules after a high-speed chase through the sympathetic nervous system yesterday, sources say. Pursuit began in the adrenal glands, where the molecules were surprised during an attempt to induce breath and heart rate acceleration, and continued up the spinal cord to the brain, where they surrendered to frontal lobe authorities.
The apprehended molecules are part of a band of roving hormones know as the Adrenalinos. Upon questioning, they divulged the existence of a much larger underlying conspiracy, which includes a plot to lure humans into overwhelm mode by providing them with a never-ending stream of self-improvement tasks to perform.
Complicit in this plot is Magic Bullet, a wanted criminal known for his aggressive attempts to coerce people into the serial use and subsequent disposal of various systems, products, methods and concepts to solve their (often deliberately blown out of proportion) problems.
Bullet, who has been operating in the neuronal shadows for many decades, has proven elusive. This is largely due to his strategy of masterminding and directing groups of independent operatives such as the Adrenalinos. He is particularly adept at working with the mass media, which regularly launch highly effective advertising campaigns for the aforementioned products and systems.
Apparently Bullet believes in his own innocence, as evidenced by a synaptic tape recently delivered to frontal lobe headquarters. Its contents reveal that he views his work as beneficial. “Because of what I do, people are always primed and ready for action,” the tape states. “I also provide a constant supply of new hope.”
But such hope is false and detrimental, claims noted habits researcher Dr. Y.U. Doothings. “Humans lose the vital component of self-trust,” he states. “They pursue a Magic Bullet item or agenda, but when it doesn’t deliver the promised results quickly and painlessly, they drop it—and then blame themselves for their inability to follow through. Self-esteem tends to sink lower and lower with every repetition of this cycle. The resulting cost to each individual organism, as well as to society, is high.”
“The best way to escape the influence of Magic Bullet is simple avoidance,” counsels Chief of Police Otto Nomic. “But that’s almost impossible in modern society. Therefore, citizens should be remain alert and aware when venturing into common problem areas, such as health and body image, personal finance, and relationship issues.
“However, false Magic Bullet claims can be found almost anywhere,” he concludes. “Remember the old saying—‘If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.’”
Meanwhile, the captured Adrenalinos have been taken into custody for an as-yet undetermined period. A formal hearing before the Superior Vena Cava is scheduled for this Thursday. Should the epinephrine molecules be willing to undertake public service activities such as parasympathetic nervous system activation or vagus nerve functional upgrades, their incarceration time could be shortened considerably.
—special report filed by Medulla Oblongata, A.P. Nervewire
Michelle Russell helps people discover what “enough” looks like to them through one-on-one coaching, online seminars and teleclasses, and her blog. She is also on Twitter as @joyfulmess .