So I know you’re showing up tomorrow and I’m glad about that, in that I’m glad that there’s more life for all of us to live. I feel like I’m just kinda getting the hang of things here in my ’30s, and I’d hate to have to stop just when things are starting to get really good. But there’s a whole lot of crap that people have started tossing onto this whole New Year thing, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m skipping all of that.
For one thing, I am just so unbelievably tired. Exhausted does not even begin to describe it. This fibromyalgia shit is totally kicking my ass.
And so I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to “Make 2010 The Best Year Of Your Life!” Whatever that even means. I’m just grateful to have a year, since there were so many times during this past year that I didn’t know if I’d even make it to 2010. Plus, who even made the rule that says that this is the only “acceptable” desire to have for a New Year, anyway? As if just wanting to have a good year means that you’re somehow lazy or “settling for less.” Says who? NOT ME. So, yeah, I’m rejecting that one.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of rejecting things, can we just stop for a minute and talk about this whole “get all your old STUFF cleared out, cleaned up, resolved, reconciled, and tied up in a pretty little bow before the clock strikes midnight” situation?
Because first of all, if you happen to have serious OCD issues like I do, then all that does is to launch off an ENORMOUS rocket of anxiety-fueled compulsive behavior, which means that even if I were able to rip out my entire house and break it down to the very foundations, it STILL wouldn’t be enough for me to think that I was ready to start off the new year “with a clean slate”. Because there’s never any end, with that as your guideline. Except maybe for dying, which, no thanks. Or maybe somehow rewinding your whole entire life and starting it all over again. And, NO WAY am I ever living through puberty and high school EVER! AGAIN!
Second of all, when is anything in life ever really “completed” and able to be stored neatly away in tidy little rows of white banker’s boxes? And also, what’s up with this whole time limit thing anyway? Things take as long as they take. Because believe me, if anyone could’ve found a way to make things happen on their schedule, it would have been me.
And finally, who was it that tricked us into believing that we have to contort our lives to fit around someone else’s randomly declared external structure? Or go along with what someone else has said that this day is “supposed” to mean? As it so happens, January 1st is neither the beginning nor the end of anything according to my own personal calendar. It’s just a day. It’s in the middle somewhere, after one handful of days, and before another one. It doesn’t mean anything special for me. And that is okay.
So on that note, the house is gonna be just as messy tomorrow as it has been today. Including the cat barf I just now discovered on the living room rug. And I’m pretty sure you’re just fine with that. I’ve heard a bunch of people say that however things are for you at 12:01 am New Year’s Day is how the rest of your year will be. And I say, bullshit. I am the one who gets to decide how my year is going to be. And whether or not all of my underwear is neatly folded and put away by midnight has nothing to do with it.
Also, I will not be “taking the bull by the horns”, “making a fresh start”, “visioning”, “setting goals,” “getting dressed all the way down to my lace-up shoes”, “shining my sink”,”eating [fill-in-the-blank] for good luck”, “moving for my good health”, or “taking action on my dreams”. I will however be scavenging for new applications for my iTouch, buying new digital books for Amazon, and drinking as many sodas as are left in my refrigerator.
So, 2010, as long as you’re good with all of that, then please make yourself at home.