Comments on: What Not To Say: Part 2

by: Kerry

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:23:47 +0000

Great post topic Jenny! I can relate much these days to number three, when you happen to be looking good for a moment, or an hour or two and come across someone you haven’t seen in awhile.

You say it well! “But there’s not one single thing, good day or not, that will prevent us from feeling utterly miserable in the very next moment. And, once again, that doesn’t mean anything either “.

I’ve been getting this lately-”You look great. I’m glad you’re doing better!” I know they mean well, and want me to be doing better, but it leaves me a bit tongue tied. Usually I just say “thanks”–and tell myself well, it’s nice they think I look great. (They do not know that I was feeling awful that morning or will when my meds. wear off. Or that the reason I look “great” (I’ve lost a bunch of weight) is that I have a newly diagnoses disease which causes my stomach not to work.)

Thanks Jenny for writing about this topic that we who are challenged by chronic illness deal with so often! Kerry

by: wendy

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:52:06 +0000

i totally appreciate your cnadidness and will really take a look at how i talk to my MIL who had some health issues that are chronic and challenging. geez, i think i must be bugging her, now seeing your posts. but really, no kidding, this helps, jenny. i had several surgeries a year apart and for mos. i felt just awful. i was really afraid that i would never feel whole. i need to remember all of that………….even tho it was some 8 years ago. it’s always that way with healing. three step forward, two steps back, ten forward, 32 back…..and so on. such a poignant reminder! i’m shining the light of LOVE on YOU, sister!! xoxoxoxox

by: Blissmonger

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:00:22 +0000

Rock on, Jenny! It is amazing how other people need us to be in certain ways to make themselves feel better. Please, have a shitty day, will you? And do with it what you will

by: Lynne Morrell

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:47:52 +0000

I like what skogie said to you…about the prayers. I am not a prayer kinda babe…I am more interested in burning stuff…candles, incense…whatever else I can light:) to send up good energy for folks. I think that is a great thing for people to do…but QUIETLY!!! Don’t talk about it…except to say “I am sending you oodles and oodles of good vibes!” You can use your own words of course!

I think that we are a culture of platitudes and lots of folks pull these out when they don’t know what else to say. I was widowed some years back and the crap people said to me was just crazy. I would think…”Do you seriously think that soothes me? Are you fuckin crazy????”
Sometimes I would even say that out loud! People would say that my outburst was “just grief talking!”
UH…NO! That was me talking!!

Great post! I am piggy backing off of it today on my blog!
Keep ranting my dear…folks need to hear this…cuz they just don’t realize what they are doing!

by: Square-Peg Karen

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:27:54 +0000

this is the best “rant” (your word..lol) i EVER read - and it so fits with my thoughts on grief stuff (we could write a book together - NOT a bad idea!)..i AM going to ask you if I can use this at Square-Peg-People (the NEW and improved one)…

the way you tell HOW you feel..when we say these dumb-ass things is so helpful - in case people are wondering why it’s bothersome…you rock, girl! to use your energy to bother explaining instead of just suggesting: “F*@k off” is a big deal - i bow to you (now hurry up and get better, it’ll make me feel good - only kidding..)

by: Square Peg

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:42:40 +0000

I’m glad you mentioned something that we *can* say.

I’m sure you’ll mention how you enjoy the suggestions of miracle cures such as magnets, crystals, Reiki, pure water and diets.

This must be so annoying: “My friend was so bad she was getting plasmapheresis twice a week. Then she stopped drinking diet soda and she’s completely better — she just finished her fourth triathalon last week!”

Yes, I know I’m guilty of mentioning diets, but I won’t any more.

May healing beams surround you.

by: Skogie

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:01:18 +0000

As Yogi Berra said, “If the people don’t want to come to the ball game, you can’t stop them.” I know many people who are sending up prayers for you, and I hope that even if no one tells you about it, your spirit will feel it. Lots of love, Skogie.