Take (1) one cat who has figured out how to open the laundry room’s bi-fold doors.

Add (1) feather duster lying unguarded in the laundry room, and

Three (3) super destructive felines, angry about being left alone for the week,

and you will receive the following hysterical phone call while on vacation for the holidays:

“Oh my God! I just got to your house, and the floor is covered in feathers. I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure your cats have killed your bird!”

A couple of years ago my in-laws bought a home up in the mountains of North Carolina. They have slowly been re-doing it, but haven’t yet gotten to the upstairs bathroom, where the previous owners made the unfortunate choice to paper the walls entirely in sheet music from old show tunes.

I guess it does give you something to look at while you’re in there, but mostly it’s just kinda weird.

This week when we were up there for Thanksgiving, my husband drew my attention to a particular title to which he wanted me to pay special attention:

To which I replied, “Not once in our wedding ceremony did I ever utter the word ‘obey’ dude! And I have the video graphic evidence to prove it.”

Earlier in the week some friends and I were talking, and we were sharing all of the different things about ourselves that made us feel like the “black sheep” in our families. We each offered various examples of our “black sheep-ness” until one friend piped up with her contribution.

“Unless you’ve been arrested,” she told us, “unless you’ve seen prison, I win.”

1. The fact that my husband had to FORBID ME TO CLEAN while recovering from pneumonia. (What? I thought housework was part of the treatment for lung disorders.)

2. The fact that when I told this to one of my friends she replied, “You are a wanker and you need to be beaten!” (Because there’s nothing like the loving support of your friends.)

3. The fact that I don’t actually know what a “wanker” is. (I had a very sheltered childhood and adolescence. Just ask my husband.)

4. The fact that I recently found myself in the grocery store having hot, sweaty, lustful thoughts about all of the Swiffer products that it’s now possible to buy. (I really have no explanation for this at all. Although now #1 might not seem quite so weird.)

5. The fact that it’s taken me an entire year to understand what my friend means when she uses the phrase “it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway” when describing intimate physical relationships and the size of a man’s, uh, “cash and prizes”. (I told you I was sheltered.)

While making my rounds through the Thursday Thirteen, I found this AWESOME post over at Suburban Guerilla that I just had to mention here. He says:
“There are things you see that are imbued with certain qualities while others are not:

Cadillac Escalade = Class

Cast metal, chrome plated bull testicles hanging from your trailer hitch = Not so much.”

So true.